Struggling with these concepts

[Cat Dancer]

I know I've talked about some of this before, but I think I need to again. My therapist keeps telling me I can control and change my thoughts. He tells me certain self-destructive behaviors are my choice and I can control them. Logically it makes sense. Emotionally I just don't want to accept these things.

Could it be that I want to remain sick and helpless for some reason? Because it's what I know? Am I not wanting to get better?

I am just struggling and struggling with these ideas.

Are my thoughts totally in my control? Am I missing the whole concept of therapy by not wanting to accept this?

There has to be some reason that I'm just blocked on this.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It's probably not that you want to remain sick or that you don't want to get better.

It's much more likely that you fear giving up your customary coping strategies and defense mechanisms in favor of something new, uncertain, and unpredictable.

Your current defenses may not work very well (very effectively) for you and they also create additional problems in terms of your safety and well-being, but they are familiar. You know what to expect with them. They are like old friends - just not very good friends.

But giving up something familiar, even if it's not very good for you and doesn't really help you, for something new and untried can be scary.

Especially for someone with OCD.

 

[Halo]

CD,

I am sorry that you are struggling but I can totally relate to what you are experiencing. I too know a lot of different things on a "logic" level but feeling it is completely different. I don't think that it means that I don't want to get better but more that I am having a hard time letting go of my coping mechanisms as unhealthy and at times hurtful they can be. I like this part that David wrote:

Your current defenses may not work very well (very effectively) for you and they also create additional problems in terms of your safety and well-being, but they are familiar. You know what to expect with them. They are like old friends - just not very good friends.

Take care CD
:hug: :friends:

 

[Budoaiki]

Hi Cat Dancer,

I am in the process of trying to do the same thing, changing my thinking/behavioral patterns and what Dr. Baxter said makes a lot of sense.

It's kind of like getting rid of an old car, it's comfy, familiar and it got you where you needed to go but it's just not safe to drive on the road anymore.

I often get frustrated with the fact that I know what I want to change but knowing and doing are two separate things. I think you already have the who, what, when where and why, which deserves a lot of credit it's just a matter of how. That's no walk in the park either but you have someone to help guide you on that path to changing those patterns and the support of those who care about you.

The whole neurological concept of behavioral patterns and how changing that is kind of like re-wiring your brain helped me to grasp that it's not as simple as I want it to be. Which can make it seem like a pretty steep climb but focusing that will power with some guidance to find the right approach will make it a lot easier.

 

[Cat Dancer]

Thank you all SO much. I am so sorry that other people are going through this too. It does help to know that I'm not totally lost here though.

And what all of you said makes so much sense too.

I like the idea of it being re-wiring my brain. It's not something I can do alone, but it is something that can be done, slowly maybe, but possible. And I am impatient and wanting it to be quick and painless. But it's not.

Anyway, thanks.

 

[ladylore]

Hang in there CD,

What everyone has said makes complete sense. It takes time for the brain to go more consistently on the healthier tracks you have worked so hard to lay down.

The fact too that life's normal stresses can make things harder at times.

It isn't you.