• Quote of the Day
    "It is only too easy to compel a sensitive human being to feel guilty about anything."
    Morton Irving Seiden, posted by Daniel

katelynw

Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2005
Messages
26
Points
1
today was a really bad day and i intently thought about suicide again. It discusts me that i even think about it. The logical part of my brain is telling me that its the cowards way out and that i wont achieve any goals i have by killing myself. But then the "tainted" part says that i cant deal with it anymore and it'll never go away and ill never be thin because obviously ive been trying. And then altogether i think that i dont want to be buried in a huge casket. Since im not thin i cant kill myself because then everyone will see remember me as a fat heffer who took the easy way out and who couldnt control herself. It seems that everyday something else goes wrong. Or when things finally start to go good they turn and go completely bad. anyways i just thought id spill my guts about that.
katelyn
 

katelynw

Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2005
Messages
26
Points
1
today was a really bad day and i intently thought about suicide again. It discusts me that i even think about it. The logical part of my brain is telling me that its the cowards way out and that i wont achieve any goals i have by killing myself. But then the "tainted" part says that i cant deal with it anymore and it'll never go away and ill never be thin because obviously ive been trying. And then altogether i think that i dont want to be buried in a huge casket. Since im not thin i cant kill myself because then everyone will see remember me as a fat heffer who took the easy way out and who couldnt control herself. It seems that everyday something else goes wrong. Or when things finally start to go good they turn and go completely bad. anyways i just thought id spill my guts about that.
katelyn
 

Diana

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Joined
May 26, 2005
Messages
297
Points
16
Hey Katelyn. I hope you're feeling better. Maybe you should try not to put such negative titles on yourself. Instead of thinking of yourself as a coward when you're feeling terrible, just recognize these feelings as your particular problem that you need some help for. Other people have problems too. There's no harm in asking for and accepting help. People are social beings. When you feel like you can't take it anymore, don't put yourself down for feeling this way. Acknowledge that you are having thoughts that are harmful to yourself, so you need help to deal with them. I know it's difficult to just tell someone when you are feeling this way. Are you seeing a therapist now? A psychologist might be able to help you alter your goals. And sweetie, you're not a heffer, you're a PERSON. I know, I've called myself names sometimes too, but they aren't nice and they don't make any sense. And, very importantly, don't feel alone, because you're not. Some people might not understand you, but trust me, many people do. And many people who don't, have their own issues that they need to deal with too.
 

Diana

Member
Joined
May 26, 2005
Messages
297
Points
16
Hey Katelyn. I hope you're feeling better. Maybe you should try not to put such negative titles on yourself. Instead of thinking of yourself as a coward when you're feeling terrible, just recognize these feelings as your particular problem that you need some help for. Other people have problems too. There's no harm in asking for and accepting help. People are social beings. When you feel like you can't take it anymore, don't put yourself down for feeling this way. Acknowledge that you are having thoughts that are harmful to yourself, so you need help to deal with them. I know it's difficult to just tell someone when you are feeling this way. Are you seeing a therapist now? A psychologist might be able to help you alter your goals. And sweetie, you're not a heffer, you're a PERSON. I know, I've called myself names sometimes too, but they aren't nice and they don't make any sense. And, very importantly, don't feel alone, because you're not. Some people might not understand you, but trust me, many people do. And many people who don't, have their own issues that they need to deal with too.
 

katelynw

Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2005
Messages
26
Points
1
Diana- thank i appreciate that! yes i am feeling better and your right everyone does have there problems too and i think we should all feel able to talk to people. im not seeing a therapist because im a stuborn person and i think i can do this on my own. ive been thinking about going back though. i also think your right about the negativity. no one should be that harsh on themselves. its just hard sometimes not to concentrate on all the negative. thanks again!
katelyn
 

katelynw

Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2005
Messages
26
Points
1
Diana- thank i appreciate that! yes i am feeling better and your right everyone does have there problems too and i think we should all feel able to talk to people. im not seeing a therapist because im a stuborn person and i think i can do this on my own. ive been thinking about going back though. i also think your right about the negativity. no one should be that harsh on themselves. its just hard sometimes not to concentrate on all the negative. thanks again!
katelyn
 

Diana

Member
Joined
May 26, 2005
Messages
297
Points
16
No problem. Why don't you think more about going back to therapy? I mean, how many people accomplish all of their tasks completely on their own?
 

Diana

Member
Joined
May 26, 2005
Messages
297
Points
16
No problem. Why don't you think more about going back to therapy? I mean, how many people accomplish all of their tasks completely on their own?
 

katelynw

Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2005
Messages
26
Points
1
yeah your right. i really should. but its just hard for me because i dont think im ready for help. i just want to tell them what they want to hear so i dont have to go through it. but yeah i will give it a lot of thought because i really do need it.
thanks
katelyn
 

katelynw

Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2005
Messages
26
Points
1
yeah your right. i really should. but its just hard for me because i dont think im ready for help. i just want to tell them what they want to hear so i dont have to go through it. but yeah i will give it a lot of thought because i really do need it.
thanks
katelyn
 

ThatLady

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Joined
Nov 4, 2004
Messages
4,104
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36
If one is ready to get better, one is ready for help, hon. Turning our lives around is not always something we can do on our own. Asking for help is not admitting defeat. Asking for help is courage.
 

ThatLady

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Joined
Nov 4, 2004
Messages
4,104
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If one is ready to get better, one is ready for help, hon. Turning our lives around is not always something we can do on our own. Asking for help is not admitting defeat. Asking for help is courage.
 
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