Taking over

[AmZ]

Since I had a really bad panic attack on Friday night, I've been totally engulfed by anxiety. For the first time, it's really overtaken me and I keep getting convinced that there MUST be something wrong with me physically.

I can't believe that the mind can be that powerful that it can cause all of these such strong physical reactions.

I've hardly eaten since Friday. It's a big issue. I had this problem at the beginning of my breakdown and I physically can't swallow food. I'm ok with liquids but I can't eat solid foods. I requested Ensure today but they said that I haven't lost enough weight in order for them to give it to me. But I'm trying to tell them that I'm feeling very weak and faint because the lack of food. I've lost 5 kilos in a week and a bit. I'm gaunt and not feeling good.

How can I get control of this anxiety? It's never been so powerful. It's taking over me.

I've seen a couple of patients in a total state with anxiety, constantly shaking and sweating and now this is what's been happening to me since Friday. It's terrifying.

Any advice as to what I can do to help myself?

They started giving me Oxazepam (benzo) twice a day, 10mg, it sometimes helps but my psychiatrist doesn't want to give it to me more than twice a day. She doesn't want me to get addicted to it. But it's the only thing that's helping me right now so I need it. It's unbearable if not. And bad enough even with it.

They keep saying to move me to the closed ward and there they will give me injections daily or when I need it but they won't give it to me in the open ward. Only on Friday night they gave me an emergency injection because my body was going in to shock because of such high anxiety. I really can't move to the closed ward. I will totally break down.

Any advice is much welcome. Thanks.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Your doctors and nurses at the hospital are in charge of your treatment. No one here can ethically second guess what they're doing. Talk to them.

Beyond that, you need to do some of the work too: Practice some relaxation techniques and CBT reframing techniques to augment the medications. See:

CBT Resources

Three Minutes to Stress Relief

Quick Relaxation Techniques

Anxiety Management Worksheet

Relaxation techniques: Learn ways to calm your stress

Breathing exercises for relaxation

 

[AmZ]

Thank you very much for the links. I'm having a look now.

I'm not asking for second guessing or anything. Just any advice that anyone could give if they have had experience with this or know how or what could help.

I was in control of the anxiety up until now by doing breathing techniques and somehow managing to calm myself down but I find that when I focus on the anxiety, it just gets even worse. I'm trying to block it out and just switch off but that doesn't seem to be a good technique either.

I called my psychologist again tonight because I'm in a real bad way. She said that I need to accept my situation and what I am going through and just allow it to come and go as it wishes. I'm really trying to do this but I'm so far unable to accept such horrible suffering and discomfort.

Could it just take time for the anxiety to pass? I'm really worried that it's not going to go. It's nearly been a week that I've been in this state and it's driving me crazy.

Thanks.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Your best bet is to address these questions to the hospital staff.

 

[AmZ]

I'm trying. I really am. I'm just finding it very difficult to even open my mouth and talk.

I'm petrified of having a panic attack like I had on Friday. I thought I was having a heart attack.

It's like my body is shutting down on me.

I saw the GP today and told him what was going on and he said straight away that he wants me to go to a gastro specialist to check my stomach because I haven't been able to keep food down since Friday. He said he doesn't know if it's something physical or if it's all on my head that's causing these physical symptoms.

I'm so frustrated that I don't even know myself what's going on with me.

When I first had the breakdown, this is what happened to me. For two weeks I was in total denial that it was just anxiety causing me all of these physical symptoms and then the next thing I know, I'm in A&E and the doctor tells me to go to the 5th floor to the psychiatrist. It's like I'm reliving all of this again. It's terrible.

I thought I was understanding myself a lot better and that I'd made progress.

I have to admit... I'm just telling myself that it's something physically wrong with me. I feel like I'm becoming a hypochondriac or am going to be seen as one. But what if it is something physical?

I had a scare a couple of years ago and had to have a biopsy taken but everything was ok. But now I have pain in the same place again and I'm worried that I do have something this time.

Then it's swirling around in my head that my psychiatrist said a year ago that she wants me to go to a neurologist to check if everything is ok but if never happened. I have constant pressure and weird feelings in my head and I start to wonder maybe there's something wrong there also. Maybe it's just due to the ECT that my head is painful a lot and is feeling a bit weird. I don't know.

I know this all sounds crazy. Maybe I'm just really losing the plot, I don't know.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I'm not asking for second guessing or anything. Just any advice that anyone could give if they have had experience with this or know how or what could help.

But really you are. That's what you do. You've been doing that for more than two years, either arguing with your doctors or looking for second opinions or complaining that they don't know what they're doing.

That seems to be your idea of active participation in treatment. That's not what it is at all.

I called my psychologist again tonight because I'm in a real bad way. She said that I need to accept my situation and what I am going through and just allow it to come and go as it wishes. I'm really trying to do this but I'm so far unable to accept such horrible suffering and discomfort.

You don't seem to understand the concept of radical acceptance, which is what I think your psychologist is saying here. See:

How Acceptance Helps Pain

Radical Acceptance Coping Statements

Mindfulness of Current Emotions

Radical Acceptance, in Dialectical Behavior Therapy - Wikipedia

Radical Acceptance | Psychology Today

 

[AmZ]

Thank you for the links dr Baxter.