Talking about the ‘Suicidal Thoughts’: An Alternative Framework

[Daniel E.]

Talking about the ‘suicidal thoughts’: Towards an alternative framework
The International Journal of Narrative Therapy and Community Work, 2010, No. 3


A couple excerpts:

It is easy to end up feeling ashamed for ‘having these thoughts’, like we should be doing something better. It feels like you are the only one. The believing that you are the only one is such a huge shame … that in itself makes you feel like you want to disappear. It is at that point that you can’t even talk.

The shame and guilt can get very big when others suggest that we should think about our families, or about our jobs, or about our religious beliefs. I can’t say what is happening to me because I think that others will say, ‘How dare you? How dare you? It is such a beautiful day, you have a good job, you have beautiful children, and you are healthy’. All those things … they are true, but instead of being helpful, it just adds to the guilt. How is it that I feel this way when there are people fighting for their lives in many other situations and they don’t give up? So how is it that I feel this way? What is wrong with me? It just makes it very evident that there is something wrong with me. You are constantly feeling that you are hurting everyone around you and that a conversation about the dark thoughts could have long-lasting damage.

Some possible questions to elicit double-storied accounts include:

• How have you been getting through these painful/hard struggles?
• What has been helping you get through?
• Are there ways that you use to create safety or comfort even for a short time?
• Are there ways you are able to distract yourself from the thoughts?
• Do you have ways of finding support or finding connection with other people, with pets, or with particular objects that have significance for you?
• What do you do or think about that helps you hold onto possibilities for life?
• How did you decide that it would be important for you to come here today? Or talk with me about this today?