Teenage Temper Tantrums

[Sophie Cecile]

I'm 15 and I'm still having temper tantrums, I've had them ever since I can remember.

It's not only embarrassing, but it worries me. I should have outgrown that stage long ago, but I haven't.

When I do a quick Google search, tons of results pop up for managing temper tantrums as the parent, but there seems to be nothing written for someone of my age.

For ages I've been trying to find the root of my problem, but it's difficult with how little information seems to be available to me. I've been seeing a psychologist for 7 months now, some sessions one on one and some with me and my parents, but I haven't gotten any better with this issue.

In the last week I've seen a psychiatrist who I will be continuing to be seeing, but I find this kind of problem very hard to talk about in person. I have been previously been diagnosed with GAD and ADHD, but no sort of anger issues.

Most of my temper tantrums are triggered by my mother who has a habit of making rude remarks she is "unaware" of.

Sometimes it can be as simple as something anxiety related, such as today my washing machine broken and I was really scared to touch it or do anything about it so I asked my mum to come help me. Afterward, she decided to ask me repeated questions about why I was scared of something "so trivial", and I eventually lost it. It wasn't a very large tantrum, I was just crying but I felt amazingly helpless.

Usually I can easily identify the cause of my temper tantrums, but sometimes I have no easy way of stopping, which I think is partly an ego thing.

What worries me most is ones like the other night it was dinner time, and for no discernible reason I was getting angry and upset about everything possible, and I was driving my parents crazy. I don't know why I was so upset, possibly pent-up anger from a week of being my mother's chew toy? I don't know, but I could see how much I was hurting my father which made me even more angry. Thoughts like "Why am I such a screwed-up kid?" "Why can't I behave?" were going through my head.

The whole ordeal of screaming and crying carried on for nearly an hour before my dog of all things managed to calm me down.

I'm really sorry about how long this post is, but I'm really hoping I can gain something from writing this.


-Sophie

 

[Retired]

Sophie,

Many times this type of reaction comes out of frustration, and maybe even a feeling you are not in control of a situation.

How would you describe your relationship with your parents at this time? Are you able to have discussions about just about any subject without anyone feeling upset, shy or embarrassed? How about your relationship with fellow students and teachers?

What treatment, if any, are you receiving for the GAD and ADHD?

I find this kind of problem very hard to talk about in person

The fact that you are seeing health professionals to help treat the disorders with which you have been diagnosed indicates your maturity and your understanding that you need to take charge of your health care if you want to find ways to deal with those diagnoses. Your courage is to be commended.

In taking charge of your health care, it often helps to prepare for these interviews by making notes about the questions you want to ask, the concerns you have and the issues with which you want help. That way you can set the tone of the interview, and help your therapist know the issues that are important to you.

To find ways to deal with your anger reactions, you could say something like, "I find I react with anger in certain situations with my family, for example, when my washing machine broke and I was really scared to touch it or do anything about it I asked my mum to come help me. Afterward, she decided to ask me repeated questions about why I was scared of something "so trivial", and I eventually lost it. How can I control my anger in these situations?."

Your therapist will probably ask you more questions about other examples, so write down a few other situations where you experienced a similar reaction.

Your therapist might help you learn ways to recognize situations that cause these angry reactions ahead of time, and help you learn ways to diffuse the situation before your anger makes you lose control.

It is possible to do and there are effective strategies your therapist can help you learn to deal with angry reactions, so make some notes before your next appointment and give your therapist the information (s)he needs to help you.

 

[Sophie Cecile]

My relationship with my father is a lot better than the one with my mother.

My father and I have really interesting and stimulating conversations, but my mum and I have a lot of problems seeing eye to eye. She has said a lot of very hurtful and discouraging things over the years, she's told me that I'm a spoiled brat, and that I'm immature and stupid and you probably catch my drift. A lot of the time when we fight she has the upper hand, since she knows all the right things to get me going. A lot of the time it seems like she doesn't even realize I hurt. Even if I trip over something and am visibly bruised, if I say ouch, she'll just turn her head the other way and pretend not to notice me.

I don't get along with most kids my age, as most of them aren't into sociology and poetry. Often I argue with the people on my class because I find a lot of the things they do foolish. This worries me a lot, because I'm becoming critical like my mother.

I get along really well with most of my teachers, but I have exactly one friend my age who's distancing herself from me because I'm not into going out drinking every night.

I'm mostly just having group sessions with my family right now after the plethora of different medications they put me on (6 different meds) didn't help.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I'd also note that for teens it's often difficult to cope with anxiety or frustration (or depression) and often their attempts to cope often manifest themselves as outbursts of anger.

When I'm working with teens and parents, I often recommend that they try to look past the anger to see what's underneath it. From a parent's viewpoint, it's easier to react in a moderate and sympathetic way if you can see the teen as anxious or worried or depressed or stressed, etc., instead of "just another angry entitled disrespectful teenager".

 

[Sophie Cecile]

The problem is that my mother often sees me as an immature brat, and doesn't hesitate to make it known. She degrades me and then asks me why I'm still here when she keeps retorting with some new insult.
My best bet I know, is to leave the argument, but I feel unheard.

My last meeting with us and my psychologist helped somewhat in that we were a lot better for about 3 days, but then we lapsed back into our old argumentative ways.

I feel like I'm in an uphill battle and I'm losing. I attempted suicide earlier this summer and ended up in the hospital briefly, but I don't want to do that again. I don't know what else TO do.
I'm running out of options.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

How about meeting with your psychologist alone, without your mother, and asking for some coping strategies? If you can't change your mother, perhaps you can change how you react to her.

 

[Sophie Cecile]

I don't know. The thing with my struggles with my mum is that a lot of people I know just brush it off. I'll describe a fight with her in which I feel absolutely helpless and defenseless and I'll get "LOL"s from my friends and my family just kind of goes "pfft" and changes the subject. With a lot of people I'm just told either to get over it or that she's doing it because she loves me.

I highly doubt she calls me stupid and immature because she loves me. :blank: