Tequilla Therapy

[Eye Stigmata]

I know it's bad...but sometimes I drink out of anger, when I don't want to cut myself.....but when does the drinking become considered an "addiction"...or even a "problem"

hmmmm....I guess hurting my insides is just as bad as hurting my outsides?

 

[Into The Light]

you're using it to deal with your anger. that to me indicates a problem already.

mm, you're in over your head with your self-destructive behaviour. have you thought about looking for a new therapist since the last one wasn't a good fit for you?

 

[Halo]

I know it's bad...but sometimes I drink out of anger, when I don't want to cut myself.....but when does the drinking become considered an "addiction"...or even a "problem"

hmmmm....I guess hurting my insides is just as bad as hurting my outsides?

Hurting yourself at all on purpose is bad but understandable. You are feeling overwhelmed with emotion, don't have any proper outlet for it and therefore you resort to other methods which are harmful in order to cope. I can completely relate to that.

In my opinion anytime you are doing something harmful in order to escape your feelings it is a problem. Not an addiction or anything however it can lead to that but a problem in a sense that something in your life is not going right and help is needed. Whether it is cutting, drinking, taking drugs, food, gambling etc. all these things can be an escape from the feelings and become a problem.

I use to be in your exact same situation where I tried everything and anything not to feel the feelings or to escape them but eventually I ran out of things to do and what I was doing didn't work anymore. It wasn't until I found a great therapist who helped me identify the feelings and then come up with a list of other things to do instead did I really realize how much damage I had been doing to myself.

Again, I can't stress it enough that seeing a therapist to help you identify the feelings that you are trying to escape from and to find new ways of coping would be your best bet. I know that you tried one counsellor already who you didn't fit with but is there some reason that you are against trying another?

Take care

 

[Eye Stigmata]

Maybe part of me doesn't want help - Is scared of it....that could be part of why i'm neglecting getting help?....I'm not too sure.
I'm scared of change...I avoid it

 

[Into The Light]

any idea what it is about getting help that is scaring you?

 

[Eye Stigmata]

No....maybe I don't want to face my problems?
maybe I don't want to truly and honestly believe that I'm as screwed up as I am. because I enjoy taking things out on myself. And I know it's not right

 

[Into The Light]

i don't think you enjoy taking things out on yourself. i think you do it as a means of punishing yourself. you blame yourself for what has happened to you. the problem is no amount of self-punishment is going to change the past.

 

[Eye Stigmata]

I do enjoy it though....I actually do, for some sick and twisted reason. I feel so relieved after it's over......and it is punishing myself....I don't disagree.

I do blame myself for whats happened to me, I could have prevented being raped, I should have fought him off.......but I couldn't....part of me gave up.
I don't know...

 

[Into The Light]

you may believe you could have fought him off - but could you really? when that kind of thing happens to a person i can well imagine they would go into shock. maybe fighting him off would have put you in more danger.

the only person to blame for what happened is him. you didn't ask for it. you didn't want this to happen to you. no one does. blame him, not yourself. he hurt you in a horrible way, why add to your own pain by blaming yourself? you need kindness to heal from this, not self-blame and more pain.

 

[Eye Stigmata]

I just feel so robbed.....It's not FAIR. I didn't ask for it ... your right. Not even close, He invaded me in my own house when I was 17 years old....my mom was upstairs sleeping, and he held me at gun point and told me that if I move or yell or fight then he would shoot me and my mom.....I just feel so robbed, so abused, so cheated.....manipulated. and it's just not fair, I couldn't stop what was done to me, he just DID it to me...it's just........im disgusted by the whole thing

 

[Into The Light]

i am sorry this has happened to you. you weren't safe and you were in real danger if he had a gun.

you need to heal from this, and the only way to do it is to get help with this. i know it's scary and i know you may not feel ready for it. that's ok. all you have to do for now is think about it, and consider it. baby steps.

 

[Eye Stigmata]

I know I know......I'll get over it eventually

Its not a big deal

 

[Into The Light]

it is a big deal, mm. :hug:

 

[Eye Stigmata]

I just don't want people to care......I'm not some super friggin important person, I just needed to vent...thats all

 

[Into The Light]

i don't think you don't want people to care. i think you're scared of people caring. you're scared of being hurt again.

we all need to connect, and be cared about, no matter how badly we've been hurt.

you can be okay again. it's going to take work and time, but you can be.

 

[Eye Stigmata]

I don't want people to care, because everytime I get close to someone, they move away, or they die, or they disappear. So your right, because everytime I let someone in, they run the other way. I cant get attached to people because im scared of them vanishing....so i just avoid relationships, I avoid close friendships....
I'll be ok.......really....I will.

 

[Into The Light]

:hug::hug::hug:

 

[Eye Stigmata]

Thanks