More threads by JST IN TIME

I have been in therapy for about 6 months and have quit at least 3 times. I have become so attached to my therapist (not sexually) that I can't seem to concentrate on anything but my next appointment.

I was going along just fine until I started therapy. I have been to therapy before for situations that i thought I had recovered from but this is much more intense and in depth. I am afraid that I am so attached and feel i am using him for validation. The more I attended the more I became depressed and spent most of my time sleeping.

I have discussed this with my therapist but I can't seem to get past the anxious, attached (almost "new boyfriend like") feeling about him.

I do not use any insurance and I attend 4 days a week and pay full fee.

I truly must admit it has helped me but in very very small ways.

I quit last week after he was gone for one week on vacation.

Any advice?

<Admin edit: Please do not post in all capital letters. It makes it difficult to read.>

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
If you feel that seeing this therapist is doing more harm than good, and you've already discussed the issues with him, perhaps it's time to consider seeing another therapist.
I don't want to change therapist. I like him. Maybe too much, or is that transference.
I know I should continue, but is therapy suppose to be that painful, where you feel
you cannot function. I blame myself, I don't think it's him. He is very understanding
empathetic and kind.
I have become so obessed with the study of psychotherapy that sometimes I feel
I'm trying to analyze what he is trying to do.
I'm miserable and often feel if the therapist is affected by my therapy as much as I am!?
He says I keep quitting therapy because I am resisting facing my issues?
How does one change? I can't seem to go the distance. I get so far then I stop.


I am so glad I am not the only one who has experienced this. I know I am dependant on him and frankly it scares me. It seems he was stuck in Florida when we had a blizzard a couple of weeks ago and I went to a dark empty office, which triggered the old abandonment issues in me and the reaction surprised me, as I was upset, crying, thinking he is gonna leave my life too, even though I knew that he was just not able to get home..
I have a pattern of hanging on to people, and then they are out of my life, and I am devastated.
Anyway, I wrote him a letter telling him I should probably not come see him anymore. I was running away and he explained transference to me. I will see him next Thursday when he is back in town, although I have spoke to him on the phone twice.

I am really afraid because I think he may look at me different now and I want him to like me and think I am a pain in the neck.. That little girl in me is a little clingy!! Not sure how I will react when I actually "see" him, because I was upset that he yelled at me on the phone. I was thinking negative and he was basically yelling at me to STOP IT...



Instead of quitting altogether, is maybe reducing the frequency of visits an option? Go down to two or three days? I don't know - I'm just throwing it out there as an alternative to an "all or nothing" solution.

I understand wanting to quit though. I go through it all the time but I'm determined to hang in there because despite the fact that at times it makes me wonder, when I look back I see the good that it's done and I can't discount that. I'm also very attached to my therapist, so I understand that. He gets about four emails a week from me...I need him to validate EVERYTHING I do. I'm switching to a new therapist in a couple months which I'm sure will be an interesting experience.


just wondering if you were to print what you have written here and show it to your therapist, would that help??? He then would know exactly "where you are" and maybe then ye both can discuss this issue and move on..? ?

Not sure if this Idea helps.. another option maybe??

Don't think quitting is going to help you,, do you?
as David says another therapist maybe, but do not stop therapy.

anyway good luck, whatever you decide to do..
It sounds to me like you might need to step back. Like it was suggested reducing the number of sessions per week to one or two. How would you describe the progress of your therapy? It sounds like you have drawn yourself so close to your therapist and by doing this it appears from my perspective that you might be very uncomfortable in therapy. It is just a thought but something worth considering. There are many perspectives in therapy from the use of binoculars (seeing the therapist from a distance) or using a magnifying glass (seeing the therapist up close and seeing him/her in a larger than life sense). A better perspective might involve seeing your therapist from your seat. Keep us posted.
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