The high of the weight loss

[Ashley-Kate]

hey ,

Well after all these post about needing help and well i decided i wanted to make a post about the highs of anorexia not to encourage people but to show them the cruelty of it's reality!

the power that the weight loss gives you disables you! you think it is just a little at the start you think you will stop but deep down the disease knows you won't! the more you lose the happier you get but the more depressed you get as well! the farther you go you think you will be happy but the perfect weight never comes but you convince yourself that the next kilo will be the right one just one more than you lose control you lose some more depression takes over cause you just can't reach the weight of happiness! this is the disease the whole weight loss part of it at least that is the deadly part, the part that you thought you could control!!! you think by losing the weight things will change, but you never change you are the same person but only depressed and out of control sad you are still lost! the thing is it is hard to not believe that once you are lighter, once you are thinner, things will be okay but that is not the truth. just try to convince yourself that instead of convincing your mind that the next pound will be the one that leads you to happiness

yours truly ashley

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Thank you for your post, Ashley. Coming from someone who has struggled and still struggles with an eating disorder, I don't doubt that it will resonate with others fighting the same battle.

 

[ladylore]

Another problem is that when someone starts loosing weight they are complimented on the weight loss, will power.... and it feeds into the whole cycle.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

yeah and there is the whole "how did you do it"" and wow you loko good!!! and the whole i couldn't do it i don't have enough will power but wow you are doing great like to say keep it up you can do it !!

 

[Ashley-Kate]

to me it is very important that people know this that people not only the ones that live with it !

i was with my boyfriend yesterday and he just looked at me and instead of doing like so many would do when they see someone with anorexia all he did was ask me what he could do what he needed to do to help me and must i admit i don't have the answer to that question but it is to understand that in this disease there is no such thing as control.. absolute control lies in death and even then you are not the one that controlled yourself the disease did! and the disease has no pity it is murderous and people don't see that cause we all tell ourselves we are not stupid we will stop before we go to far but what is too far !!! being underweight or just a bit more!!! what s the limit ..

the thing is anorexia has no limit you won't wake up one morning and look at yourself and say WOW i am gorgeous cause the disease will not let you see that!cause than she is useless. You can't be mad at someone for being anorexic or bulimic it was not a choice it is a defense mechanism in their heads they need it for example i feel like **** out of control as if the whole world is against me so i decide to starve myself to show them all that i don't care that i can live alone self sufficient i thought!!! and now i find myself in the seat next to my boyfriend crying cause i am completely lost i know i lost the battle and i still search for a reason to explain how this won't stop with all the therapy it won't stop so this post is mostly to help girls who are still thinking just one more!!! get help!!! please

yours truly ashley

 

[Cat Dancer]

Ashley, I can relate so much to what you posted. It IS such a battle and SO exhausting, but we can win it if we keep on fighting against it. No matter how hard it gets. Keep going and don't give up. It's hard, but I believe there is hope. Don't give up. You are stronger than you think you are.

 

[coffeegirl]

so well said gals. I too have battled this illness for over half my life. This makes so much sense. It is just a cycle in a big circle.

Julie