The Lifestyle

[Jimmyz]

My girlfriend and have been in a committed relationship for the last 5 yrs, living together for three and we will be getting married next year. We are amazingly happy and still passionately in love. We are non-drinkers, healthy and athletic with professional high profile jobs. We like to hang out at home and with family and are generally very conservative, boring and normal. We just have one unusual hobby....we are swingers.

We have been involved in the Lifestyle for 3 yrs and really enjoy it. We "play" as a couple with ohter couples and singles and we also "play" alone with others. When we have these solo trysts our only rule is that the 3rd party know about our situation and that he or she is just part of our "game".

We love what we do and neither of us feel any guilt or jealousy. We are just curious to hear the opinion of some professionals in the therapy and relationship field. Is there a consensus in the community regarding the "Lifestyle"? It seems to us that most of the couples that we know who are also involved in the Lifestyle are on the average, happier than the "vanilla' couples that we know. Any opinions or comments?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It seems to us that most of the couples that we know who are also involved in the Lifestyle are on the average, happier than the "vanilla' couples that we know.

Well, of course you're not going to be hearing a lot from swinging couples who aren't happy, are you?

My experience with clients would contradict your observations -- that swingers are certainly not more happy and are in many cases less happy. Of course, I suppose you could argue that the happy ones won't be coming to see me...

I would suggest that "The Lifestyle" is not a very healthy lifestyle for the majority of people. I don't mean that as judgmental but as empirical -- I believe that the majority of truly committed couples would view fidelity and monogamy as essential components of their relationship vision and that's simply not compatible with swinging.

If it works for you, that's fine with me. It wouldn't work for me.