The pain

[Ashley-Kate]

being confronted by someone you don't know hurts a lot! i was at the gym today and this woman about 4 times my age came up to me and expressed to me the fact that she has been training there for about 4 months and in that time she is just starting to see results (which when you get older is normal that it takes time) and on me she sees noticeable difference. and she kept starring at me ! as i am aware of my weight and everything i knew what she was saying was probably right but then again i was so mad at her cause she was all curious about what i eat and how i stay so motivated. i felt like completely falling apart in tears but i lied i told her i love sports and the gym ( not true i hated sports before I was sooo lazy) it's funny i was so mad when she confronted me but deep down I just hope that some day i will have lost enough weight not really to be thin but for people to see my pain to then help me to do something i just want people to see it everything! all he pain the fear the sadness

ashley

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Some people are just pushy or or nosey, Ashley - and sometimes they mean well and are just trying to be friendly but may say something that is inadvertently triggering.

Often the best way to handle unwanted to questions is really not to answer them. Just say something like "Thank you - but I don't have a lot of time and I need to continue my workout". Just because someone asks you a personal question doesn't mean you are obliged to answer it.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

it's not the fact that she asked the question that is troubling me it's more the fact that what she noticed i don't see it and it frustrates me their i am working as hard as i possibly can and she tels me that it's working and yet i don'T see it! stupid cause before it used to motivate me i used to believe what they would say and continue in this hole thing of self destruction and now well it's not even bringing me the simplest high or anything i have no use of it and yet i can't stop i just feel like if i am not doing this i am useless i feel so terrible cause presently in a way my own desire is to be left alone with my anorexia and yet at the same time i want someone close a friend or a familly member to realise what is going on and help me! i just don't feel like going through the hole you are week you keep on giving up relapsing that will probably come when my familly realises that i haven't gotten better yet!
i just don't want to disapoint anyone!
yours trully
ashley

 

[psychotic_bunny]

Hi Ashley,
I can understand your pain having suffered from anorexia and nearlly died from it I can truelly appreciate everything you are saying but you have to remember that others can see what you can't. Anorexia wont let you see the real you, you will constantly see a bigger and less desirable person in your eyes where as others will see the difference but not want to comment for fear or comment to know what you're doing so they can copy. But to be honest sweetie you will never see the real you, and from my own expereince I still see the bigger person even though logically i know im a lot slimmer. I have spoken to numerous people who have the same hting. It's simply not worth it sweetie. You have a long life to live and starving it away isn;t the way to go about living. I know you're in pain, alone and scared but please talk to your family to let them know how you feel and what is happening. I know its a scary and daughting thought but they deserve to know whats happening in your life and to have the chance to try to help you in every way they can.

Expecting recovery to be fast and like clicking your fingers is the wrong way to look at it it's taken me many years (4 to be exact) and now having got pregnant to realise that recovery is a long road in which you need all the help and support you can get. Your family love you and so do your friends I'm sure you wont disappoint them, they will be relieve and glad that you have been honest with them if you tell them whats really happening. Sure they may go over board with wanting to help but they will do so because they care!
Please think about seeking your family and friends help and know that im here if you ever want to talk just pm me. Take care

 

[labyssum]

I feel the same. Sometimes I just want people to see the pain I go through...on the outside instead of inside all the time.