The possibility of relapse, and justification.

[Gayalondiel]

One of my friends once told me that to her, cutting is more addictive than crack cocaine, and I think she's absolutely right. I've been "clean" for a few months now, but I've been clean before, and fallen back on it when things get tough. I'm not sure, if I'm honest, that this is something I'm ever going to get over.

At the moment, though, I'm getting lower and lower, and I'm very conscious of the possibility that I'll start cutting again. It's actually making everything worse, worrying that I might start again, to the point that I wonder if it would just be better to go ahead and do it, and live with the guilt and trying to stop again, than to sit here getting all het up because I want to do it and I can't, and feeling guilty because I want to do it and I can't, and getting so frustrated because I don't have a release for all that pent up energy.

Um... there was supposed to be a question in there somewhere, but it's rather more a jumble of thoughts. I don't really want to play devil's advocate, but several years ago it was pointed out to me that I'm not putting myself in any danger of serious injury, and I'm not affecting my daily activity, so if it's the only form of release I can find, why not? Of course, there are obvious answers to that, but it's sounding more and more logical in my head right now. Am I just trying to find a justification for doing what I know I shouldn't? Who knows?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Even if it is as addictive as crack, that doesn't mean it can't be beat or that relapse is inevitable -- many people have successfully triumphed over numerous addictions and compulsive behaviors.

And yes, I think you are debating with yourself as a way of justifying giving in to the urge. And in your heart you know it really isn't harmless at all.

 

[Gayalondiel]

And yes, I think you are debating with yourself as a way of justifying giving in to the urge. And in your heart you know it really isn't harmless at all.

You see, on one level I knew that already! It's just a little confused inside of my head, and I can't always tell which thoughts are sensible and which are just the urge speaking. Which feels a bit silly, because now that I've calmed down again I know there's no justifying it, and very little point in trying. It's amazing how confused I managed to get about something I'm usually so clear on...

Mind you, since the sensible thoughts are the ones you echoed, all I have to do next time it flares up is remember to come *back* here.

 

[ThatLady]

Hee! Coming back here is certainly an option I like! )

However, another trick you might try: When these urges become problematic, try doing some logic problems or focusing on something that triggers your logical mind to kick in, instead of dwelling on the urges and the good/bad thereof. It's helped me in the past to get a clearer focus on things.