The winding road is ever long...

[The long and winding road]

I have never joined any kind of forum before and I am not sure what to say. I have suffered from dysthymia and anxiety all my life. I am now in my forty's and realizing that nothing will ever change that. I recently underwent a massive life change. I sold my house, quit my job, moved to another country and got married. I have never been married before, but have had long term relationships and have two grown children. I thought this change would help. I thought that leaving all the stress behind would help. I am supposed to be happy, yet I struggle with it every day.

A few times in my life I sought help and even went on medication; neither of these treatments ever helped. I will not go on medication again, since every time I tried this approach things were made much worse. For the most part I tend to self medicate with alcohol and am finding it increasingly difficult to not fall into that mindset.

I don't know what I expect from joining this forum; perhaps just to know that I am not alone in this daily struggle, but for the most part I feel alone every day and cannot understand why I just can't be happy.

My life has been frought with hardships and adversity and many things that happened have left their scars, but I am now married to a great guy, living in a beautiful place, healthy, intelligent, attractive, in good shape, have wonderful animal companions; yet happiness eludes me and stress and anxiety replace it. I seem unable to move forward, unable to motivate myself to do all the things I need to do. My mind seems to look for problems, suspect everything and refuses to accept things as they are. Am I too jaded now to be happy? I guess I expected that things would change once I found someone I love and someone who loves me. It's never that easy though.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Welcome to Psychlinks, Long and Winding Road.

It seems you've rediscovered the old law of nature that says, "Wherever you go, there you are"...

You say

A few times in my life I sought help and even went on medication; neither of these treatments ever helped. I will not go on medication again, since every time I tried this approach things were made much worse. For the most part I tend to self medicate with alcohol and am finding it increasingly difficult to not fall into that mindset.

What is "a few times"? What help did you seek? When was the last time you tried?

What medications did you try and how did it make things worse? How was/is self-medicating with alcohol any better?

 

[Daniel E.]

:welcome2: L&W

 

[Cat Dancer]

Welcome!

 

[forgetmenot]

Hey welcome It does help to be able to talk things out with people who can relate and understand. In regards to therapy, I think if you try again it would help. Your really have to find the right therapist that clicks with what your needs are and when you do things do work out well. Medication so many new ones are out there now it wouldn't hurt to talk to your doctor about them see what he thinks. Take care

 

[Hermes]

Welcome "Winding Road" (that led you to our door). Anxiety and stress can make one so very tired, and life events do take a shocking toll. It takes a little time to actually come to terms with peace, contentment and joy, oddly enough. A kind of disbelief that the lovely, lucky things have actually happened.
In any case, no one can be happy all the time, so it is not unusual to have down times, no matter how well life is going. Life is a tapestry, with bright threads, dark ones, shadowy ones, and I suppose that is how it is.
Look forward to reading you more.

Hermes