AmZ
Member
Hi all,
Hope everyone is well.
I went to my second (double) therapy session last night.
My therapist is still great and spent maybe a third of the time explaining things to me about OCD and how the mind works including the 'mind hiccups' with OCD and anxiety.
We then went on to talk more about my background and the causes for my anxiety and obsessive thoughts I have about mainly things from my past (only two things, and many more to go!). On one hand, it was so good to let it all out and for the first time in my life, to tell someone my deepest thoughts and go over details of the events that happened, of course, on the other hand, very painful.
All along there was nobody there to talk to about the events and how I was feeling, as they were always involved themselves (like my sister in the break-up of our parents or my father in sudden loss of my grandmother/his mother)... Just came to a very painful realization in therapy that I had sudden and unexpected losses of people who were very close to me (through death and abandonment), which are difficult to deal with just by themselves. But also within this, there was nobody there to support me in all of these events and that's why I am haunted by constant thoughts about what happened and still, 10 years later having all of these feelings and emotions that haven't been let out like anger, sadness, etc. I have been extremely lonely in my thoughts and various situations since I was 15 basically which has led up to the present, in having lost all the people who are close to me (asides from 2 people that I am semi-close to, but still not enough). The therapist rightly said that I missed out on a hell of a lot of support and care as a teenager and in the last 10 years and always thought of others and never thought about my needs and feelings. I guess, now is the time to do that
I'm really hurting right now and just feel numb.
I know that in the end, once I process these thoughts in therapy and go over them, I will hurt less and 'get over' my past, but it's so extremely painful to start with, ouch.
I don't have the regular anxiety today and no OCD, just like I said, numbness and having heart palpitations now and again which I haven't had at all in the past. Like my heart skipping a beat then a big beat... I was wondering why I am having these and what the difference is?
Thanks for listening.
Hope everyone is well.
I went to my second (double) therapy session last night.
My therapist is still great and spent maybe a third of the time explaining things to me about OCD and how the mind works including the 'mind hiccups' with OCD and anxiety.
We then went on to talk more about my background and the causes for my anxiety and obsessive thoughts I have about mainly things from my past (only two things, and many more to go!). On one hand, it was so good to let it all out and for the first time in my life, to tell someone my deepest thoughts and go over details of the events that happened, of course, on the other hand, very painful.
All along there was nobody there to talk to about the events and how I was feeling, as they were always involved themselves (like my sister in the break-up of our parents or my father in sudden loss of my grandmother/his mother)... Just came to a very painful realization in therapy that I had sudden and unexpected losses of people who were very close to me (through death and abandonment), which are difficult to deal with just by themselves. But also within this, there was nobody there to support me in all of these events and that's why I am haunted by constant thoughts about what happened and still, 10 years later having all of these feelings and emotions that haven't been let out like anger, sadness, etc. I have been extremely lonely in my thoughts and various situations since I was 15 basically which has led up to the present, in having lost all the people who are close to me (asides from 2 people that I am semi-close to, but still not enough). The therapist rightly said that I missed out on a hell of a lot of support and care as a teenager and in the last 10 years and always thought of others and never thought about my needs and feelings. I guess, now is the time to do that
I'm really hurting right now and just feel numb.
I know that in the end, once I process these thoughts in therapy and go over them, I will hurt less and 'get over' my past, but it's so extremely painful to start with, ouch.
I don't have the regular anxiety today and no OCD, just like I said, numbness and having heart palpitations now and again which I haven't had at all in the past. Like my heart skipping a beat then a big beat... I was wondering why I am having these and what the difference is?
Thanks for listening.
