Things too painful to deal with

[Cat Dancer]

Does it work to just not deal with the pain of a loss? If you've lost a child or had a miscarriage or lost a close friend or other loved one and you just lock it away and never allow yourself to think about it? If you don't allow yourself to feel the pain from it?

Is that more harmful than helpful?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It may keep the grief out of consciousness for a period of time until you are more able to deal with it. However, in my experience, it doesn't go away -- and it is likely to sort of "leak" out in various ways until you address it.

 

[Cat Dancer]

Does it mean you're a horrible person if you just feel numb when you think about the losses?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

No. It means you're not yet ready to deal with it. That's all.

There is no single right way to grieve. Each of us does what we need to do at the specific moment in time.

 

[Ash]

That's a tough one. My grandmother died almost two years ago and I never cried. Maybe it was because she had cancer and I had been secretly wishing she would go. Then about six months ago, a co-worker lost her infant granddaughter to SIDS. I balled at the funeral. Emotions are crazy and sometimes very difficult to figure out.

 

[Hema]

Emotions are difficult to figure out! I lost my sheltie dog a few days after Christmas last year. I cried more for that dog than my own grandmother! Three days of intense grief reaction. Needless to say My buddy left me with a new insight with people who have lost pets! I don't look at this in the same light anymore. I am very sensitive to others who have lost companions who were pets.