Thought I had this beat but its back...

[David Baxter PhD]

Great reply, Halo. And for the record, maladaptive, I agree with her.

 

[adaptive1]

Thank you for all your kind thoughts, extemely nice of you Halo and others to spend so much time answering me. I suppose I wasnt anticpating kindness, just anger and frustration directed at me.

 

[Into The Light]

we all have our own personal struggles and i've felt too at times that i had the skills and the tools to help myself, so why did i feel i needed others? but you can turn that around too, why should we have to struggle alone when with the support of others we can get through stuff a little easier? things are hard enough as they are so we may as well accept a little help

i hope you make that call and keep trying, it will be well worth it. take care and let us know how it works out!

 

[adaptive1]

Thanks Ladybug. All the advice was helpful today. I guess I better bite the bullet and do something about this. Besides that therapist I havent discussed this with anyone, I tried to go the doctor twice about it but I couldnt go through with it. I am really scared of Doctors. But things are out of control now to the point where I dont care what the Doctors think anymore, I feel like I am losing touch with reality and I am scared of the way that I act and what might lie ahead. I have a done a good job of hiding this from everyone, it is sad how easy it was.

Its just that I feel like I need to keep doing the same things over and over because there really is something that I am looking for and if I do something 1000 times, maybe on the 1001 time I will find what I am looking for. But of course there is nothing that I am really looking for, and if there is, I have no idea what it is. Its just for a feeling to go away if that makes sense at all.

Sorry for the rambling, there arent a lot of people to talk to at two in the morning.

 

[Halo]

Please don't apologize for rambling...that is what this forum is for, to vent and share whatever it is that may be going through your head and you may be struggling with. You never need to apologize for rambling or for what you are feeling.

Again, I can't say enough of how much of a benefit it would be to you to call that therapist back and see if you can get an appointment. It sounds like you could really use a professional to talk to before things get even more out of control and you never know this therapist may be the one to really help you.

Take care

 

[adaptive1]

Thanks for your help again you guys, I hope everyone else is doing ok. I did get through and I did get an appointment. I cant really say I am feeling better, but it could be alot worse. It is hard to understand the way my mind works. I totally feel like I have inflicted some kind of neurosis upon my mind on purpose and I dont know why. I was told it is to keep from thinking about things that are really bothering me, but I am not entirely sure what is bothering me. In order to accept I have OCD I feel like I need to have 100% proof or something and I guess that doesnt make sense. It would be one thing if I had the classic symptoms of washing or hoarding or something but I dont. I keep thinking it is something worse and I am going crazy and all I do is worry about being crazy.

 

[stargazer]

Sorry for the rambling, there arent a lot of people to talk to at two in the morning.

I didn't think you to be rambling either, but I can identify with the experience of not having a whole lot of people to talk to when I am having some overwhelming issue at two in the morning. In my area, I can call a Crisis Line. There again, I am besieged by feelings similar to yours -- that the problems of others are "more important" than mine, that I am pestering them, that they are tired of hearing from me, and so forth. In reality, they are there only to do their job. Again, where is one to turn at two in the morning? This is why all-night Crisis lines exist.

And it is also another advantage of PsychLinks. I might be disturbed at four in the morning where I live in California, and someone in Canada might have just arisen and logged on to PsychLinks. That has happened many times, and it's been greatly appreciated.

I did get through and I did get an appointment.

That's great! I'm sure that's a major step in the right direction. Good for you!

 

[adaptive1]

Gosh you guys, it is tough work trying to be mentally healthy. One day I am fine and the next day I feel like its such a long road ahead of me. The therapist told me that there was nothing more we could really do for my OCD symptoms that I should focus on making goals for myself and then I would be less distressed about it. I guess its just like that article I posted here somewhere about wishing that the obsessing would stop before my life will get better. Its just hard because I think the same thing almost every moment that I am awake and its exhausting. The medication doesnt seem to help but I thought it did at first, I guess I wanted to believe. Now I feel like I am going to have the same thought trapped in my head for the rest of my life and I just feel like I should learn to live with it and be happy that it isnt worse, but at the same time I keep getting upset about it. Is it normal to have one recurring thought every waking moment, do I really just have to learn to live with it? Am I just over reacting, would you guys be upset if you felt like you couldnt drive something out of your mind? How can I really accept this and finally move on to a better place?

 

[Into The Light]

i am wondering what made your therapist say that there isn't much more that can be done?

The medication doesnt seem to help but I thought it did at first, I guess I wanted to believe.

have you mentioned this to your doctor and therapist?

Now I feel like I am going to have the same thought trapped in my head for the rest of my life and I just feel like I should learn to live with it and be happy that it isnt worse, but at the same time I keep getting upset about it. Is it normal to have one recurring thought every waking moment, do I really just have to learn to live with it? Am I just over reacting, would you guys be upset if you felt like you couldnt drive something out of your mind? How can I really accept this and finally move on to a better place?

i would be upset too, i am sure. it sounds like a difficult thing to go through.

one thing that i have learned that applies in various situations is to try and not fight the thing that is upsetting. instead of working so hard against it, have you tried letting go a bit and go into "observer mode"? i do not know if this is helpful as i don't have ocd, but thought i'd suggest it just in case.

also what about the book brainlock that has often been suggested on the forum?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

The therapist told me that there was nothing more we could really do for my OCD symptoms that I should focus on making goals for myself and then I would be less distressed about it.

Perhaps it's time to try a therapist with a different approach or with more experience with OCD?

The medication doesnt seem to help but I thought it did at first, I guess I wanted to believe.

What medication is that and at what dose? Some are better than others for OCD.

 

[adaptive1]

Yes, maybe it might be an idea to try a different therapist, this one is extremely nice but I guess it wouldnt hurt to look at my options if I really want to improve and if there is a chance that this could happen. Currently I am taking zoloft 50 mg twice a day, is there something better than could help, I would be willing to try it.

The therapist said nothing more could be done because that the thoughts seemed to be automatic and there was no pay off I was getting from them and that he could see. I try the techniques in Brain Lock but its like I am telling myself every five seconds that the thoughts have no meaning and it becomes as exhausting as the repetitive thoughs themself. I heard about the steps from Dr Baxter and Daniel, they are helpful for getting rid of compulsions but I havent been able to master them for obsessions.

Thank you for answering and for letting me vent, sorry for being so selfish. I wish I could help others and I know I am being ungrateful when I have my physical health and other things, its just hard not to react to the frustration of having a constant obsession in my head every waking moment.

 

[Halo]

Thank you for answering and for letting me vent, sorry for being so selfish. I wish I could help others and I know I am being ungrateful when I have my physical health and other things, its just hard not to react to the frustration of having a constant obsession in my head every waking moment.

I don't think you are being selfish at all. Whether you are struggling mentally or physically it is still struggling and I am glad that you are posting about it on here. That is what this forum is for to help each other when needed. I am sure that when you are able, you will give back to others. Also, you may not realize that by posting about your troubles and struggles on here that you may be helping someone else who feels the same but is too nervous to post. That in itself is helping.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I agree - there's nothing selfish about asking questions or seeking help.

Your medication probably isn't helping you much - 50 mg of Zoloft is a very low dose, and Zoloft may not be the best medication for you at any dose. You could certainly try a more therapeutic dose of Zoloft (talk to your doctor about it) but there is some evidence that Luvox (fluvoxamine) is a better drug for OCD - talk to your doctor about this. Note that there is evidence from a large scale study conducted a few years ago in Ottawa that the generic version of Luvox is not as effective as the brand name version in treating OCD.

I try the techniques in Brain Lock but its like I am telling myself every five seconds that the thoughts have no meaning and it becomes as exhausting as the repetitive thoughs themself. I heard about the steps from Dr Baxter and Daniel, they are helpful for getting rid of compulsions but I havent been able to master them for obsessions.

I suspect that's because you are actively fighting them. In my experience, with the obsessional variety of OCD (obsessions prominent, compulsions/rituals less prominent or absent), this is counterproductive. What you can try to do is to accept the thoughts, let them pass through you rather than fighting them, accept them as just your style of worrying and don't try to push them away - just let them come... and then go again.

 

[adaptive1]

Thank you very much for the suggestions. I also like the last idea about accepting it as my style of worrying, thats very hepful actually.

I see by your mood record you are not feeling well Dr Baxter, I hope you feel better soon.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Actually, I'm starting to feel a little better. Back to maybe 75-80% now.

 

[adaptive1]

Hello again, just wanted to say again how helpful the suggestion was about t letting the thoughts go through me.....I have been practicising that the last few days and it has made such a different, I feel so much less worried about everything :dimples:I had a great day and went to the gym and suddenly it was like, I can't believe what a good day I am having even with these thoughts stuck in my head.

Thank you again, this is the best I felt in ages:dimples:.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That's great news, maladaptive!

 

[Into The Light]

:yahoo: that is awesome! :yahoo:

 

[adaptive1]

I am looking for some ideas on what activities I could do instead of performing compulsions, like positive things that could be done instead of negative things. I am trying to think of things but I am not creative. Does anyone have any good suggestions? It should be something that doesnt take alot of time so that it would just get me through the first few minutes. I have thought of going for a short walk and calling someone but I dont really have a lot of people to call. Its hard to do things like read and watch tv because its hard to concentrate. I wondered if anyone here had any good ideas on things that might be positive distractions?

 

[Daniel E.]

I think the short walk is a good idea. I find that exercise requires the least amount of attention compared to most of my other activities and even a small amount of exercise can reduce the anxiety.