Thought I had this beat but its back...

[ladylore]

Doodling works at times. Going for a walk is great too. I don't know why but doing a bit of washing by hand always helps. I am so focused on the task that it helps get my mind off of the compulsion.

 

[adaptive1]

Sigh, this is tough going you guys, thank God for this forum because no one knows that I am going out of my mind not performing any of the stupid compulsions that I usually do, and there were lots of them. But its been a couple of weeks now and I have done amazingly well and I have gone back to work again and have found a few things to do instead of my compulsions. Mainly its these stupid obsessive thoughts to deal with now, but I try to deal with them the way Dr Baxter suggests...well, thanks for letting me vent here, hopefully brighter days are ahead.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It's hard work but it sounds like you're making progress, maladaptive. :goodjob:

 

[adaptive1]

Thank you so much Dr Baxter, why if this keeps up I wont be able to keep my name maladaptive1....I will have to change it to something more postive.., that will be nice. Your help has been a lifeline for me.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

We could always rename you to adaptive1.

 

[adaptive1]

Too funny, I would like that, I think the new name would be like a reward, so I am going to wait until i feel like I have really earned it.......

 

[adaptive1]

Sigh, if there was an official diagnosis of being an idiot I think I would get it....

And I want to earn my self a new name other than maladaptive but I didnt today, it was the strangest thing, here I am just back to work and I have been having these thoughts all day that I am about to lose my mind, like I am psychotic or something. I kept having to go on the computer and check and recheck my symptoms to make sure I wasnt developing some kind of psychosis, it was like psychology 101 or something. And so it feels like it is starting, I keep wanting to check and make sure that I am not going crazy. Also, I kept worrying that I would start talking to people and that suddenly start talking in a language that no one could understand. These thoughts have been pestering me the last few days and I am ignoring them as Dr Baxter has suggested but it sure is stupid and they are getting stronger.

This would be so terribly funny if it was not so annoying and wasting time that I dont have to waste. I am trying my best not to play these stupid games with myself but how long can I wage a war against myself and contain these stupid annoying thoughts and behaviours.

I swear I must have been dropped on my head a few times as a child.

 

[adaptive1]

Sorry to bother you with yet another question

I am actually doing well at the moment but I think I had this idea that mental disorders completely vanish and I would get this aha moment where I thought, that is it, I am 100% free of these issues. I can see that this isnt going to be the case. As I said I am ok with this, for the first time in my life I care about myself enough to make sure I stay healthy mentally.

One thing I was wondering about though, Dr Baxter said that it is better to accept obessive thoughts as your style of worrying and don't try to push them away - just let them come... and then go again.........a question on mastering this technique, do you mean to say that accepting something as your style of worrying means that you are worrying about something obsessively to make up for real life worries or do you mean that we are actually worried about what we obsess about and that is just the way our minds work?

Did my question make sense? I guess what I am asking is do we obsess about non reality based things because we are really worried about real life things, what if I am not sure what I am really worried about in real life. Do I need to know this to make my obsessive thoughts go away? What does it mean to have this style of worrying?

 

[Into The Light]

if i understand you correctly, you are asking if your obsessive worrying is a distraction from a real worry or concern you might have.

i don't really know the answer, i suspect that for the most part the worrying is there because your brain has a need to latch on to something to worry about. if there was a real worry or concern i think you would just obsess over that instead.

as i said though i don't really know so maybe someone else can answer this for sure

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I am actually doing well at the moment but I think I had this idea that mental disorders completely vanish and I would get this aha moment where I thought, that is it, I am 100% free of these issues. I can see that this isnt going to be the case. As I said I am ok with this, for the first time in my life I care about myself enough to make sure I stay healthy mentally.

One thing I was wondering about though, Dr Baxter said that it is better to accept obessive thoughts as your style of worrying and don't try to push them away - just let them come... and then go again.........a question on mastering this technique, do you mean to say that accepting something as your style of worrying means that you are worrying about something obsessively to make up for real life worries or do you mean that we are actually worried about what we obsess about and that is just the way our minds work?

The second: It's not unusual or abnormal to worry about things - in fact it's protective - and these are often real worries, not things you are making up. That's partly why the tendencies get worse when you are stressed. But obsessive worrying (obsessive-compulsive thoughts) is simply how some people worry. That's what I was suggesting - that you recognize this as simply your worrying style - identify it that way - no need to fight the thoughts or read into the thoughts - all they represent is a worry about something - let if flow through you like any other worry.

And you're right - this won't go away entirely - it's part of your personality - but you can learn (and are learning I think) to manage the thoughts better and to be less distressed by them.

Did my question make sense? I guess what I am asking is do we obsess about non reality based things because we are really worried about real life things, what if I am not sure what I am really worried about in real life. Do I need to know this to make my obsessive thoughts go away? What does it mean to have this style of worrying?

I don't have OCD and I'm not always certain what I'm feeling worried about either, at least not at first. Sometimes, it's necessary to let whatever it is "ferment" in the back of my brain until it becomes more clear.

 

[adaptive1]

Thanks again you guys, that knowledge about my style of worrying is extremely helpful and yes you are right Dr Baxter, I am learning to be less distressed about my obsessive thoughts, one thing that helps, I dont know if it would be helpful to anyone else but I try to think of my mind as a television set that has multiple channels, one channel always has the same program on so I try and switch to another one that is more positive. The station playing the same program is always on but I dont have to sit and watch it, I can be doing other things at the same time.

Thanks again for the advice, I have really learned a lot on here, I am surprised that I have actually made progress, I didnt really think I had it in me. My therapist is extremely nice and had good ideas but I think OCD is not the area of his expertise, I got much better ideas from this forum so it is helpful to get different perspectives sometimes if you start to feel you cant do something.