Thought of Self Harm and Suicide

[suewatters1]

Hi everyone I have been taking half a tablet of Seroquel at bedtime an last week I was told to take half a tablet twice a day. I notice an improvement during the day. I felt better about life. For sleeping it did help some nights but not anymore.
Well Friday I started my monthly cycles and my mood has gotten worst.
Today I have strong thoughts of SI and I have thoughts of suicide.

Could that just be because of my monthly cycles?

Right now all I want to do is sleep these thoughts away so when I wake up I hopefully feel better.

Sue

 

[Retired]

Right now all I want to do is sleep these thoughts away so when I wake up I hopefully feel better.

If you feel going to sleep might help get you past these thoughts, then go ahead and do it. It is quite possible that variations in hormone levels during your mentrual cycle perhaps combined with less light suring the winter months could affect mood, according to the NIH/Medline Plus information on Premenstrual dysphoric disorder and Premenstrual syndrome

Some suggestions from that Medline Plus:

A healthy lifestyle is the first step to managing PMDD.

• Eat a balanced diet (with more whole grains, vegetables, fruit, and little or no salt, sugar, alcohol, and caffeine)
• Get regular aerobic exercise throughout the month to redue the severity of PMS symptoms
• Try changing your sleep habits before taking drugs for insomnia (See also: Sleeping difficulty)

Have you reported feeling this way to your doctor?

Do you feel you can keep yourself safe until after you get some sleep, or would it help to call a friend to come over, or perhaps get out of the house to visit a friend?

 

[Daniel E.]

Are you currently on a SSRI? If not, I would consider asking for one even though (I assume) you have tried them extensively before.

 

[suewatters1]

Thanks everyone. I just woke up from 3 hours sleep. My mind feels groggy because I took extra Lyrica to help me sleep. I have to go do some laundry so I can have some clean cloths for work.
I did send an email to my psychiatrist before I went to sleep.

I am groggy so I should sleep well tonight.

Sue

PS: I am taking Pristiq. I was on 150 mg but my DR reduced it to 100 mg a few months back.

---------- Post added at 09:17 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:24 PM ----------

I am tired and I didn't do any laundry yet and I have strong thoughts of self harm. I am watching the music awards right now but I should be sleeping. I go to work tomorrow for 10:15 am.


Sue

 

[Retired]

Sue,

Keep yourself safe until you get back to work tomorrow morning and let us know how you are doing tomorrow.

 

[suewatters1]

I am at work. I didn't sleep well last night so I am very tired today.
I still have thoughts of Self harm and suicide. I am think about my plan while I am working.
I sent another email to my DR last night.
Tomorrow morning I see my CMHA worker before I go to work that should help me I hope.

Sue

 

[Retired]

Sue,

Would you promise to keep yourself safe until you see your CMHA worker?

At that time, explain about your thoughts of self harm and suicide and be sure to tell your worker that your plan is part of your thinking today.

 

[suewatters1]

Steve I will not end my life today but self injury maybe.
I had a job this morning that gave me to much time to think. This after the job is good and I am working around tht are fun to be with so I asked my boss permission to stay there rest of the day and he had no problem with that.

Sue

 

[Retired]

Sue,

I will not end my life today but self injury maybe.

You need to take care of yourself, and not risk infections from self injury. Have you taken all your meds, and have you heard back from your doctor?

 

[suewatters1]

HI Steve. Take all of my meds. My DR sometimes checks his email brefore he leaves work or around 8 p. My next visit with him is next Monday in Ottawa.
I will call my other DR I see in town to let him know more. I only called him once on the weekend but I have more to say and writes what I say to hion his answering machine unto paper then he puts in my folder so we can discuss I at our next session.

Thanks

Sue

 

[forgetmenot]

Hope your appt goes well then hun with your doctor and i hope you do not do any more self harm Sue You deserve compassion hun please be good to YOU okay

 

[suewatters1]

Thanks Eclipse. I took a prescription muscle relaxant towards the end of my day at work and not long after I was home I went to bed and slept for about 3 hours that helped. I see my CMHA worker in the morning and my Ottawa DR next Monday. I am still tired so after playing a bit more of my Facebook games I will be going back to bed.

Sue

---------- Post added February 14th, 2012 at 10:34 AM ---------- Previous post was February 13th, 2012 at 10:00 PM ----------

I went to see my CMHA worker and just one look at me she saw I was totally burned out. She suggested I don't go to work today. I didn't really wanted to either and she validated what I was feeling. I was hoping I could get a DR note for the day off as work is getting real strict on people taking days off work. But my DR wasn't there so they couldn't give me a note.
I am tired and I am going back to bed I don't feel totally safe by myself but I mentioned to my worker that I would go visit my aunt and uncle this afternoon.

I told her if I could write my thoughts down like I would on a suicide note and get all that anger out for who I am blame for making me such a weak person that I would consider suicide then maybe I will feel better getting that anger out. Also when I feel that anger again I can just reread the suicide note on my computer and hopefully I could let that rage out of me and that might make me feel better.

Sue

---------- Post added at 06:27 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:34 AM ----------

I slept a lot today which is good but then I was researching stuff on the Internet on how I could end my life.
I hate feeling this way because there is lots of people who loves me but feeling depress like I am feeling makes it that I know I would hurt lots of people if I died but I would finally be free from my emotional struggles and pain.


I am just tired of keep feeling this way

Sue

 

[Retired]

I mentioned to my worker that I would go visit my aunt and uncle this afternoon

Sue,

Can you arrange to visit your family or have one of them come spend some time with you?

Have a look at the Eastern Ontario Crisis Line website for local support where you call toll free, 24 hours a day:

WITHIN OTTAWA
613-722-6914

OUTSIDE OTTAWA
1-866-996-0991

About the Crisis Line Coverage

Destroy any alcohol you might have in the house and get rid of any of the instruments that might be in your plan.

What response did you get from the emails to your doctor and when is your next appointment?

Remember, if you cannot keep youself safe, call 911.

 

[Daniel E.]

I would finally be free from my emotional struggles and pain.

I like the paradoxical phrase "if you don't want it, you've got it" -- which relates to radical acceptance in DBT and other mindfulness approaches.

 

[suewatters1]

I didn't go visit my Aunt because when I woke up it was late afternoon.
So far no response from DR and I emailed him again today just a few minutes ago about how I want to die.
My next visit with him is Monday morning.

I am trying to get more sleep tonight so that when I wake up in the morning I will be ready for work.
I got an email from my Boss this afternoon as he was concern for me considering the way I felt at work yesterday.
Thank for the hotline numbers I keep a card in my wallet for when I need it. I need to at least one load of laundry before I go to bed. In an earlier email to my DR I mention what my suicide note would be if I ever decided to end my life.

I am just tired of the BS I have been through and I am tired of keep fighting on.

Thanks everyone

Sue

 

[Retired]

Sue,

Would you please call the crisis line number in Eastern Ontario

WITHIN OTTAWA
613-722-6914

OUTSIDE OTTAWA
1-866-996-0991

and have a conversation with one of the people there. They are there for exactly the purpose that you need at this moment.

Have you been drinking any alcohol or taking any drugs other than your prescribed meds at the prescribed doses today?

You have written on the Forum in the past about people who care about you, and these are the people on whom you need to focus your thoughts right now. It would be unfair to these caring people to take yourself out of their lives, because you are an important person to them.

These people are your reason for living, Sue.

Will you promise to call the crisis line and to keep yourself safe until tomorrow when you can post again here on the Forum to give us a progress report?

Stay safe, Sue.

 

[suewatters1]

Steve I feel a bit better now playing some Facebooks Games. Yes I took extra Lyrica to help me sleep tonight and I am having a mix drink with it. But I feel more hopeful then I did earlier maybe because of all the sleep I had today.
I will keep you posted on how I feel tomorrow.

Thanks

Sue

 

[Retired]

I am having a mix drink with it

Be good to yourself tonight and refrain from any more. Keep your mind sharp and keep yourself safe.

 

[suewatters1]

I will keep myself safe tonight

Sue

 

[Retired]

We'll be looking forward to hearing from you tomorrow. Take care of yourself.