To talk or not to talk

[Ashley-Kate]

Well , everything is going great i am in controle i haven't had any bad dreams about my past or any flashes in weeks and then my psychologist the one that thinks she is helping me comes up to me out of the blue after telign her how great my life is and how stable i have been feeling and everything basicly she askes me to talk about the abuse the "traumatic event" as she likes to put it" like i don't get it why is it so important to her that i talk about it? what if i don't want to what if i just keep it to myself for the rest of my life what harm would that do to her! I hate her cause very since she spoke about that like 2 or 3 days ago i have been freeking out about just that about what to do, should i talk and risk being very vulnerable being sad and depressed yet again for having brought those memories back ( wich honestly have been comming back every since she brought it up) or if i just let it go again not talk about it is it that bad? she still talks to me abotu the therapie EMDR that works with traumatic events or whatever.. but i just want it to be left alone i don't want to talk about that i feel disgusted and impure and by bringin it up is as if she is reminding me that i am doing good and yet i am still impure.. it makes me question the hole process of allowing myself to live..
i am so confused!!! what to do what to say or not to say?
ashley

 

[Into The Light]

i don't have any experience in these kinds of things, so i'm not sure what to suggest. i don't know if this would help any but these questions came to mind.

how much are you for or against opening up this topic?
what are the feelings that you feel when you think about working on this in therapy?
how long will you be seeing her before you move to your dorm?

 

[Ashley-Kate]

Weell firstly i am mostly against the hole idea of talking about it cause i find that the psychologist's aproche is pretty harsh and also because in the past every time i tried to talk about it or spoke about it i ended up very depressed the fallowing days, the thing is i don't want to go through the hole feeling helpless and disgusted and dirty and when i am in therapie and we talk about that i feel as though the hole event is starting over again wich is really not somethign that great to feel especially when someone else is around on top of the fact that i dissociate i lose myself in thought and well i see the events play in my head over and over again. by the month of june maximum i should be gone therefore about a month not even before i move to the dorm and most likly get refered to another psychologist

 

[Halo]

AK,

In my opinion, if you are not ready to talk about this topic then nobody including your psychologist should be trying to force you to do it. Only when you are ready and feel comfortable to be open with a person that you trust will you be ready and obviously from what you have said she is not the person. Yes it is going to be scary and difficult and bring up a lot of feelings but if you have great support around you including that of a good psychologist, you will be able to get through it.

If you are not ready then I would simply just say that to her. Kindly say that you do not feel ready or able to discuss the topic at this time and you would prefer to move on to other issues. If she truly is a good psychologist then she should respect your decision and move on and not bring it up any further unless you do.

Take care
:hug: :hug:

 

[SoSo]

AK, I hope it will all works out for you.
:hug::hug:
Feisty

 

[Into The Light]

i think there are two important things here to consider. the first, if you don't feel comfortable and safe enough with this therapist, and if this is something that after some discussion with her doesn't change, then she isn't the right person for you to be working on this with. second, if you are finished with her by the end of the month anyway then i don't think now would be the right time anyway.

i think longterm it would probably be helpful to you to work on this issue but for the moment the timing may not be right.