Trying to Understand Dissociation

[MelissaK9174]

I have been reading on it and from what I understand, it's the fuzzy disoriented state that feels kind of dream-like in nature. I've been getting that more and more often over the years.

What concerns me is, I have found that I'm considering buying wigs and things to alter my appearance so I can go out places and not be ME. I don't want to be me. Even though there are tons of people locally that would *know* it's me regardless of wearing a wig or not. The disoriented state has progressively gotten worse over the years, though it has been gradual, it has been consistent. So I'm guessing that could continue to get worse in the future. I'm scared that in buying wigs and such, that I'm taking some first steps into potentially working my way into developing an alternate personality. Is that even possible? Am I just being paranoid? Someone please tell me that's ridiculous and there's no way that could happen

ETA: I don't mean for that to sound like someone would throw on a wig and call it an alter. I hope it doesn't come across that way. I'm just concerned that it might be me working my way up to it in my mind or something. And I'm wondering if anyone else might have found such clues in the beginning stages in retrospect.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

No that's not going to happen.

There is controversy as to the existence of multiple personalities (i.e., Dissociative Identity Disorder, or DID) but even if we assume it is a genuine syndrome or disorder it requires a very specific set of circumstances occurring early in an individual's developmental history.

Dressing up in wigs or other forms of disguises could not possibly create alternate personalities.

 

[MelissaK9174]

Dressing up in wigs or other forms of disguises could not possibly create alternate personalities.

Sorry, I didn't mean that I thought wigs and disguises would create an alternate personality...I was trying to make sure I *didnt* come across that way lol, but I guess I explained it poorly. I wondered if it could potentially be a beginning symptom of a worsening problem. Like, I just wondered if that, along with progressively worsening disassociation problems, could be the beginning stages of something that could progressively get worse and develop into that sort of thing over time. But it sounds like you're saying that couldn't happen, which is a relief.

Sorry if I explained that poorly.

 

[MelissaK9174]

Also, sorry if that was a dumb question. I'm trying to figure out terminology and what everything is and how it applies to what's going on with me specifically. I'm finding myself feeling confused about a lot of the disorders and such.

I had no idea I was even having any type of disassociative symptoms until the therapist said I was. I had heard of the term before but didn't know exactly what it was. Though once figuring out what it meant, I realized it has been something that has happened a lot and has steadily gotten worse.

Thanks for answering though. I hope to eventually figure this stuff out lol

 

[David Baxter PhD]

There are no dumb questions, Melissa. There are only questions you don't know the answers to... and that's part of why this forum exists.

 

[forgetmenot]

I do understand what you are trying to say. You are wanting to hide and by creating a different persona you think that will help you not be who you are now.

I do something of the same thing it is not dissociation but it is a way to hide.

i change my name i stop being who i was so the pain and the sadness leave me

It is a coping skill i have used for along time and sometimes it works because in my mind i just stop being the person that was hurt

If i am wrong about how i percieve this i am sorry.

 

[MelissaK9174]

I do understand what you are trying to say. You are wanting to hide and by creating a different persona you think that will help you not be who you are now.

I do something of the same thing it is not dissociation but it is a way to hide.

i change my name i stop being who i was so the pain and the sadness leave me

It is a coping skill i have used for along time and sometimes it works because in my mind i just stop being the person that was hurt

If i am wrong about how i percieve this i am sorry.

Yes that's exactly what I think I'm trying to do. it has really bothered me that I'm wanting to take a real action to try to be someone else. So this along with increased feelings of being in a dreamlike state sometimes, I was scared that at some point it would get so bad that it would turn into me creating another person altogether. I'm glad it doesn't work that way lol

I'm still concerned about the fact that I'm wanting to do this at all but knowing that It can't turn into me creating a totally seperate person relieves my mind.

And thank you for sharing your understanding. This has concerned me. I've felt pretty alone in the desire to do this and embarrassed by it because it seems like such a different way of thinking. It's nice to not feel alone in some of these feelings.

 

[forgetmenot]

It would be a good thing to bring up with your therapist ok I know it sounds strange to others and i am glad you posted because now i know i am not alone in the way i think as well. I stopped being someone a long time ago i left her behind and become someone and i just won't be her again

 

[MelissaK9174]

It would be a good thing to bring up with your therapist ok I know it sounds strange to others and i am glad you posted because now i know i am not alone in the way i think as well. I stopped being someone a long time ago i left her behind and become someone and i just won't be her again

I will definitely be bringing this one up with the therapist. I think mine started with the idea of thinking I was hiding my eyes more when I wore my eyeglasses. Then it has progressed to the idea of wigs.

I'm glad I brought it up too even if it's weird, at least there are two of us who are weird together instead of being weird alone lol

 

[Banned]

It kind of reminds me of when we're kids and think "if I can't see them they can't see me". I used to say you could tell my mood by how I did my hair - if it was long and hanging in my face I was trying to hide from the world and if I couldn't see it it couldnt' see me. I think we are on the same concept here. I think it is a coping mechanism for whatever we are trying to avoid, but as has been said I wouldn't worry about it creating a disorder of sorts or otherwise.

 

[MelissaK9174]

It kind of reminds me of when we're kids and think "if I can't see them they can't see me". I used to say you could tell my mood by how I did my hair - if it was long and hanging in my face I was trying to hide from the world and if I couldn't see it it couldnt' see me. I think we are on the same concept here. I think it is a coping mechanism for whatever we are trying to avoid, but as has been said I wouldn't worry about it creating a disorder of sorts or otherwise.

Yeah there's definitely something I'm trying to hide from. I used to hide behind my own hair too. I used to have it down to my waist but cut it off due to some surgeries. I've been letting it grow back out but that process is slow.

This one will be interesting to discuss with the new therapist lol. I brought it up with my family and they're like yeeeeeeeeah, that's weird lol. Which I figured it probably wasn't a common thought. This was one I've been scared to bring up because it does seem so different.

 

[forgetmenot]

One thing i learn is that your therapist will not judge you hun about anything you bring up He or she will be happy you did so clarification can happen over any matter
It is not so weird as you now see many of us have thoughts in that direction.

 

[MelissaK9174]

One thing i learn is that your therapist will not judge you hun about anything you bring up He or she will be happy you did so clarification can happen over any matter
It is not so weird as you now see many of us have thoughts in that direction.

I'm kinda nervous about seeing a therapist since I've been reading that so many therapists don't want to have anything to do with people who have borderline personality disorder. I go see the psychiatrist for meds tomorrow and it's none too soon. I feel like I'm losing it today.

 

[forgetmenot]

There are many therapist that do not have the skills to help people diagnosed with Borderline personality disorders hun Please call around ok find a therapist that specializes in your disorder ok hugs DBT therapy has been known to help so find a therapist specializes in that h ugs

 

[Banned]

Hi Melissa,

When I got my diagnosis and was looking for a therapist there were a few things I did and didn't do that I found helped and may or may not work for you.

The first thing is to look for someone who specializes or has experience in working with borderline. The psychiatrist may be able to give you some recommendations, especially since you are likely not his or her first patient with that diagnosis.

I also looked for someone with advanced training and education. In my province a Masters degree is sufficient for licensure as a psychologist and it was those that I found less willing to work with me. I actually see someone now out of province who has a PhD and knows my full history.

Finally, don't feel like you have to go running in on week one waving a red flag that screams "I've been diagnosed with borderline". Focus on the symptoms - tell them you're there for depression, anxiety, self-injuring, or whatever it is you're experiencing. Yes, borderline has a stigma attached to it like we're vicious pitbulls or something but I found if I focused less on the label and more in what I was experiencing I was more likely to get help.

I hope some of that alleviates some of your fears. There is help out there so don't fret - it's on the way!

 

[MelissaK9174]

There are many therapist that do not have the skills to help people diagnosed with Borderline personality disorders hun Please call around ok find a therapist that specializes in your disorder ok hugs DBT therapy has been known to help so find a therapist specializes in that h ugs

Yeah, I've made 2 therapists cry before and had another that became so overwhelmed by one of my days where I was hysterical that she stopped having the group meetings and told me I needed to get more professional help *sigh*

I'm forced to go through the local mental health place here because I'm on medicaid but they said they offered DBT therapy I think. Kinda sucks cuz the nature of our illness makes us think people don't like us and then read that therapists have a tendency to pre-judge us. Sucks

 

[MelissaK9174]

Hi Melissa,

When I got my diagnosis and was looking for a therapist there were a few things I did and didn't do that I found helped and may or may not work for you.

The first thing is to look for someone who specializes or has experience in working with borderline. The psychiatrist may be able to give you some recommendations, especially since you are likely not his or her first patient with that diagnosis.

I also looked for someone with advanced training and education. In my province a Masters degree is sufficient for licensure as a psychologist and it was those that I found less willing to work with me. I actually see someone now out of province who has a PhD and knows my full history.

Finally, don't feel like you have to go running in on week one waving a red flag that screams "I've been diagnosed with borderline". Focus on the symptoms - tell them you're there for depression, anxiety, self-injuring, or whatever it is you're experiencing. Yes, borderline has a stigma attached to it like we're vicious pitbulls or something but I found if I focused less on the label and more in what I was experiencing I was more likely to get help.

I hope some of that alleviates some of your fears. There is help out there so don't fret - it's on the way!

I'm kinda at the mercy of the system unfortunately since I'm on medicaid. I'm going to the place that is run by the state. So I would think they would have to offer the help for this particular problem but I am def. Concerned about the pre-conceived ideas for sure. I feel like I gotta go in there and apologize from the get-go for being something they dread working with.

 

[Banned]

Don't feel you have to apologize for anything. You deserve the help you need to get better and they entered that profession because they want to help. It may take a couple tries to find the right person or the right fit but it will happen.

And if you can't find someone who does DBT at least start with CBT. I've never done DBT but I found CBT immensely helpful.

 

[forgetmenot]

The preconceived notions about Borderline is changing hun as professionals are becoming more educated themselves they is less judgement out there Try not to get all caught up with the label ok It is not who YOU are hun it is just a name that helps the professionals get you the care you need. I like what Turtle said focus on the symptoms and let the therapist know what help you need for them

 

[MelissaK9174]

Thanks y'all today has been especially rough. I'm nervous about seeing the doc tomorrow but I'm excited that maybe I can get some meds to help me.

Maybe he will explain more about the process too as far as what the next steps are and maybe that will help relieve my mind too. *fingers crossed*