Un-advice for Parents

[David Baxter PhD]

Un-advice for Parents
by Hara Estroff Marano
Psychology Today, Nov/Dec 2004

How to avoid overparenting your kid. Be reasonable, don't overreact, modify your expectations and more.

• Never invest more in an outcome than your child does.
• Allow children of all ages time for free play. It's a natural way to learn regulation, social skills and cognitive skills.
• Be reasonable about what is dangerous and what is not. Some risk-taking is healthy.
• Don't overreact to every bad grade or negative encounter your child has.
• Sometimes discomfort is the appropriate response to a situation?and a stimulus to self-improvement.
• Don't be too willing to slap a disease label on your child at the first sign of a problem; instead, spend some time helping your child learn how to deal with the problem.
• Peers are important, but young people also need to spend time socializing with adults in order to know how to be adults.
• Modify your expectations about child-raising in light of your child's temperament; the same actions don't work with everyone.
• Recognize that there are many paths to success. Allow your children latitude?even to take a year off before starting college.
• Don't manipulate the academic system on behalf of your child; it makes kids guilty and doubtful of their own ability.
• Remember that the goal of child-rearing is to raise an independent adult.
• Encourage your children to think for themselves, to disagree (respectfully) with authority, even to incur the critical gaze of their peers.

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

I liked this post David.
As I was reading I keep saying, thats a good point! lol

This one was important to me:

Don't be too willing to slap a disease label on your child at the first sign of a problem; instead, spend some time helping your child learn how to deal with the problem.

I think that this is so important not only because it avoids labeling of problems with out looking at the problems individual dimensions, but also because it teaches kids coping strategies, which are so important to learn.

And then this one:

Remember that the goal of child-rearing is to raise an independent adult.

Lol, I think that this one is forgotten all to often. Parents not wanting to loose their 'babies' etc, end up getting involved in their adult childrens descision making etc.

They both made me feel like I could have shown my mum the list when I was younger, hahahahaha. Perhaps thats why they leapt out at me?

Thanks again David

 

[Halo]

And then this one:

Remember that the goal of child-rearing is to raise an independent adult.

Lol, I think that this one is forgotten all to often. Parents not wanting to loose their 'babies' etc, end up getting involved in their adult childrens descision making etc.

They both made me feel like I could have shown my mum the list when I was younger, hahahahaha. Perhaps thats why they leapt out at me?

Thanks again David

I couldn't help reply to this one Phoenix, I kind of chuckled to myself and know exactly all about this one. I wonder if I should print it out and leave it on the coffee table for some light reading for my mom

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

lol - like..."oh, who left this here??"

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Put it in a plain brown envelope and mark it, in large print, with "Private and Confidential! Do Not Read!".

 

[Halo]

That would sure get my mother's attention because she has already told me password protect anything I do on the computer

Thanks David....I think the brown envelope would be a hoot