Hi i'm a 20 yrs old male.
I live at home with my father, my parents are divorced. I have always had problems dealing with my father. He always sighs, acts beat up, looks down, like he's a big victim and everybody abuses him. Something else that's important to note is that to him, what's most important is to feel significant, he always boasts and lies to feel good. That itself is not that bad, because i can just deal with it by acting like i'm totally impressed and compliment him, and so I don't end up feeling bad. But what IS bad is that he will lie speaking with absolute certainty, even if I'm talking about something absolutelly important, like changing school for instance, just to feel good. He talks like he is wise and if i don't listen to him or disagree he shakes his head and says AH! (as in: I have warned you, the ball is in your court). He speaks like he is so wise but he is always wrong. Whenever I feel bad, sad, depressed, he will act more beat up, more depressed, more sad, to the point where i couldn't act that depressed even if i tried! He spins every situation like I'M the reason why he's so unhappy. Now logically, i know that he is just trying to feel significant, but my body doesn't believe this. I always end up feeling bad when he does that (which is all the time). I can't sit him down and tell him, trust me i have tried more than 100 times, it doesn't work. He will again squint his eyes and look at me like I have no clue what i'm saying, or he might walk away, grind his teeth as if i were a pain in the ass again.
Now I know how to not feel bad when he boast; just compliment him and act impressed, be humble. But I don't know how to not feel bad when he acts beat up, walks around and when I pass him he sighs. What am i supposed to do with that? My natural response, 4 years ago, was to get really angry at him. Then he tries to act extremely beat up to like get my pity which aggravated me even more. He is relentless into doing this, and is extremely daring and stubborn, if i ask him to stop he's going to do it even more. So I was basicly "living" angrily 24/7. How else could I keep my power? I find it extremely hard to be motivated, and with every day that passes, it gets harder. My body feels it's useless to get motivated because I always lose it right when he shows up. Whatever I think logically is irrelevant as my logic has nothing to do with my feelings: I can rationalise anything all I want, but my body doesn't care. Now I spend most of my days contemplating how to do this, it's quite complicated, but I'm not gonna write for 100 hours describing everything he does to always leech my energy and demotivate me. I have tried going to live with my mother but she doesn't want to. She's been hurt, she was always sick when she lived here, so was my sister. Now they moved out and they're fine.
Only if I act like the superlative of a shy, meak wussies, my father then might start having that wussy smile as well. But I got tired of doing this 5 years ago. Before, I had a lot of problems getting friends and just simply talking to people because I would ALWAYS give my power away, which made people disrespect me. But it's still this way to some extent. Basicly, if I demonstrate any sign of maturity, power, humor, being in a good mood, feeling talkative, excited, motivated, he will act annoyed, tell me to stop trying to act like a grand garcon (a big boy), he discourages any sign of these.
What's funny is that, when I release all the negative tension he's put inside me, by being assertive, I feel soooo good inside and much more sociable. I'm constantly trying to find a way to deal with this issue though. I listened to tons of self-help programs, but to no avail. Although I keep on looking, hoping there is something.
When someone is being treated badly by another person, if the person who is treated badly just goes on with his way, he will have motivation. Now if the other person acts like YOU'RE the one who's treating him badly, you end up with no motivation and it's the other person who ends up with it. The best way I can describe this is perhaps with a metaphor: If someone kills the other person's whole family and then acts like they are the ones being abused!!! Having this happen once in a while, I can cope with. But this is ongoing and I find it very gruelling to get my life moving in this environment.
A situation which illustrates this very well is when my friends come over and HE (my father) starts making fun of me. Someone who's killed your whole family makes fun of you in front of your friends. Now my friends laugh of course which aggravates me like crazy, when I tell him to buzz off he starts acting hurt and walks off, and my friends ask me why I treat him so badly.
See if a person demotivates you verbally, that's motivation cuz your body views it as a challenge. But when someone acts like you're hopeless, acts like you're the cause of their suffering... You end up feeling very guilty and depressed.
So how do you deal with a person that is extremely cruel like that?
How do you keep him from demotivating you?
I live at home with my father, my parents are divorced. I have always had problems dealing with my father. He always sighs, acts beat up, looks down, like he's a big victim and everybody abuses him. Something else that's important to note is that to him, what's most important is to feel significant, he always boasts and lies to feel good. That itself is not that bad, because i can just deal with it by acting like i'm totally impressed and compliment him, and so I don't end up feeling bad. But what IS bad is that he will lie speaking with absolute certainty, even if I'm talking about something absolutelly important, like changing school for instance, just to feel good. He talks like he is wise and if i don't listen to him or disagree he shakes his head and says AH! (as in: I have warned you, the ball is in your court). He speaks like he is so wise but he is always wrong. Whenever I feel bad, sad, depressed, he will act more beat up, more depressed, more sad, to the point where i couldn't act that depressed even if i tried! He spins every situation like I'M the reason why he's so unhappy. Now logically, i know that he is just trying to feel significant, but my body doesn't believe this. I always end up feeling bad when he does that (which is all the time). I can't sit him down and tell him, trust me i have tried more than 100 times, it doesn't work. He will again squint his eyes and look at me like I have no clue what i'm saying, or he might walk away, grind his teeth as if i were a pain in the ass again.
Now I know how to not feel bad when he boast; just compliment him and act impressed, be humble. But I don't know how to not feel bad when he acts beat up, walks around and when I pass him he sighs. What am i supposed to do with that? My natural response, 4 years ago, was to get really angry at him. Then he tries to act extremely beat up to like get my pity which aggravated me even more. He is relentless into doing this, and is extremely daring and stubborn, if i ask him to stop he's going to do it even more. So I was basicly "living" angrily 24/7. How else could I keep my power? I find it extremely hard to be motivated, and with every day that passes, it gets harder. My body feels it's useless to get motivated because I always lose it right when he shows up. Whatever I think logically is irrelevant as my logic has nothing to do with my feelings: I can rationalise anything all I want, but my body doesn't care. Now I spend most of my days contemplating how to do this, it's quite complicated, but I'm not gonna write for 100 hours describing everything he does to always leech my energy and demotivate me. I have tried going to live with my mother but she doesn't want to. She's been hurt, she was always sick when she lived here, so was my sister. Now they moved out and they're fine.
Only if I act like the superlative of a shy, meak wussies, my father then might start having that wussy smile as well. But I got tired of doing this 5 years ago. Before, I had a lot of problems getting friends and just simply talking to people because I would ALWAYS give my power away, which made people disrespect me. But it's still this way to some extent. Basicly, if I demonstrate any sign of maturity, power, humor, being in a good mood, feeling talkative, excited, motivated, he will act annoyed, tell me to stop trying to act like a grand garcon (a big boy), he discourages any sign of these.
What's funny is that, when I release all the negative tension he's put inside me, by being assertive, I feel soooo good inside and much more sociable. I'm constantly trying to find a way to deal with this issue though. I listened to tons of self-help programs, but to no avail. Although I keep on looking, hoping there is something.
When someone is being treated badly by another person, if the person who is treated badly just goes on with his way, he will have motivation. Now if the other person acts like YOU'RE the one who's treating him badly, you end up with no motivation and it's the other person who ends up with it. The best way I can describe this is perhaps with a metaphor: If someone kills the other person's whole family and then acts like they are the ones being abused!!! Having this happen once in a while, I can cope with. But this is ongoing and I find it very gruelling to get my life moving in this environment.
A situation which illustrates this very well is when my friends come over and HE (my father) starts making fun of me. Someone who's killed your whole family makes fun of you in front of your friends. Now my friends laugh of course which aggravates me like crazy, when I tell him to buzz off he starts acting hurt and walks off, and my friends ask me why I treat him so badly.
See if a person demotivates you verbally, that's motivation cuz your body views it as a challenge. But when someone acts like you're hopeless, acts like you're the cause of their suffering... You end up feeling very guilty and depressed.
So how do you deal with a person that is extremely cruel like that?
How do you keep him from demotivating you?
