Well now at least I know...

[Chain Lightning]

Well I went today to see the psychiatrist...it didn't take very long at all. He just asked me some questions...not all that many and that was it. He asked me if I had endless energy sometimes and I said yeah and he asked me if I ever felt "high" I when I had all that energy. I was like yes and I feel like I have electricity running through me. He said "you seem very sped up to me right now" I told him I was also depressed and he said "but would you say you're more sped up right now?" I said yeah.

He said I have classic bipolar disorder...and said I was manic. He said something like if your so high you feel all charged up like that, that's not normal. He asked me if I felt like my thoughts were racing and I said yeah, I try to read something and I can't even get through the first sentence because...and he said before I finished "the words just don't register?" Then he said he could tell my thoughts were racing because of the way I talk! He really knows what he is doing, what can I say.

So I'm going to try Lithium first and see if that works because there's a program here where certain meds are $4/month if you're uninsured. The first one he recommended wasn't included in that and is pretty expensive. I'm very in dept right now so, that's jut seems more logical.

I never thought of feeling "high" as something abnormal unless I also feel sad (paradox). I always thought of most of my problems as separate things...not one big thing like that! But then, I'm really just glad I know because it explains A LOT! It less overwhelming to look at all of this as one problem rather than a bunch of problems.

CL

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I expect many people with bipolar disorder could have written that post, CL.

 

[NicNak]

Hi Chain Lightning. I am glad you got your diagnosis and now can get treatments.

Glad you now know what is happening. Congrats on taking the step to get help.

I am also glad the psychiatrist seems to be helping you to find medications and programs that cover them for you.

:2thumbs:

 

[Chain Lightning]

When he said I have "classic" bipolar symptoms, does that mean bipolar type 1? He didn't actually say that but from what I've read I assume that's what he meant.

I am not sure if I should tell my family or not. Here's the dilemma: I'm embarrassed to admit but I live w/ my parents and I'm pretty in debt (some of it my fault some of it not). I'm not employed because that's pretty impossible right now. My parents think I just need to "get it together" and get a job and stick with it. My mother very likely has bipolar disorder too and drives me and everyone else crazy. My parents are very old school. Once my brother and I tried to talk to my dad about encouraging her to get help. He is in denial and made excuses for her, he won't stand up to her!

I'm torn between trying to talk to them and get them to understand the situation because at least now I have an explanation. Also with my mom the way she is, likely she'll use that as a license to invalidate everything I say and do when she disagrees. Maybe that's silly as she invalidates most of what I say already anyway. I may be answering my own question here...I'm wondering if maybe I talk to my dad first. He's so old school though...I'm afraid he'll disagree with the doc or be against me taking medication and not be that supportive.

But they're already asking me "well, what did the shrink say?" I can't b/s forever. It would be nice to have some support and understanding. So far they're cool with me getting help, as in therapy. Only one of my friends is supportive...my other friends tell me stuff like "what are you going to do if that just messed your head up even more?" or just as stupid "I think you just need to find something you enjoy so you won't get sad" and "train yourself to focus...just make yourself do it, mind over matter self discipline" I mean come on people.

I just don't know how to explain it to them so that they understand. They're so frustrated with me right now...I don't know if they'd see this as finally solving my problems or just an impossible obstacle.

 

[Into The Light]

you're asking some very good questions and i don't know that i have the answer.

listen to your supportive friend. the other opinions don't make sense, but you clearly already know that which is great.

instead of telling your dad yourself, what about getting him to come with you to your next appointment? if he heard it directly from the psychiatrist himself, with you present, do you think that would help?

the other thought i have is maybe try to find some articles on bipolar disorder and get him to read that. it is important for supporting family and friends to get educated on the condition, so that they can better understand it and can better support you.

it's a tough call and you know your parents best. i think if at all possible, let them know what's going on, and try to get them to learn about bipolar. it may take a while but eventually people will start to understand that this isn't something you can pull yourself together from on your own.

i don't know if this helps any or has complicated things more for you. what do you think?

 

[Chain Lightning]

You know, that makes sense...my dad might be the one I can get to read something. I see my therapist on the 14th, I might just wait until I talk to her first...then figure out what to do.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

When he said I have "classic" bipolar symptoms, does that mean bipolar type 1? He didn't actually say that but from what I've read I assume that's what he meant.

No. not necessarily. If I were to describe someone as evidencing "classic symptoms of bipolar disorder" I would probably mean that all the basic symptoms are there and there is little doubt that they indicate a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.

 

[Chain Lightning]

Ok, gotcha.

 

[Into The Light]

You know, that makes sense...my dad might be the one I can get to read something. I see my therapist on the 14th, I might just wait until I talk to her first...then figure out what to do.

great idea, i was going to suggest that too, to talk it over with your therapist first, but i wasn't sure if there was pressure for you to tell them what was said or not. but i think it's a good idea to discuss first if you are able to, that way you're both clear on the purpose of the session when you bring your dad along. :goodjob:

 

[Chain Lightning]

Well they are pressuring me a bit but have let off because I am extremely vague. If they ask me again I'm telling them I don't want to talk about it yet.

You know this explains why when I tried the supplement SAMe, it effected me like a drug. I was really bummed out and took a 25mg SAMe...yes I meant to type 25mg and not 250mg...that's all it took! Within about an hour or two I was high as a kite! I went running and after that called up my friend at work and he asked me what on earth I was on. He said "umm why you call me out of the blue to start telling me a bunch of stuff? lol" I never took it again. I asked about it yesterday and he said that was definitely not something I should ever take because that's what it can do if you have bipolar disorder but doesn't do that to "normal" people.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Yes. Chances are that triggered hypomania for you.

 

[Chain Lightning]

No. not necessarily. If I were to describe someone as evidencing "classic symptoms of bipolar disorder" I would probably mean that all the basic symptoms are there and there is little doubt that they indicate a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.

I just found out what I was diagnosed: Bipolar I disorder, most recent episode (or current) manic. Now that explains a lot.

 

[Into The Light]

how do you feel about the diagnosis?

 

[Chain Lightning]

From what I've read and going back and reflecting on my life...it really fits and would explain just about everything I have ever went through. Its only by luck I've not been arrested or dead. But at the same time part of me is in denial of it.

I remember all the horrible crap I went through in school...for example, college:

I never got my degree or even close after 3 years. I remember being in this English class and we had to write a paper stating our opinion on any topic. I picked the most controversial thing I could come up with of course. In the class we had to discuss it and take notes on what points others brought up...etc. I remember how anxious, uptight and paranoid I felt...like the whole class was persecuting me..and I knew how right I was...I'd argue to no end against all of them!

Half the time I could skip out on class all together to pursuit some thing or another. I wasn't always anxious and paranoid sometimes totally confident and happy. Sometimes I would stay int he computer lab and chat and be laughing hysterically, people thought I was on drugs. I made a lot of friends, they called me a freak, said I was cool as can be...some people called me psycho. Everything would be fine until I did something to make them mad at me. One of my friends I scared away by my driving...she told me I was freaking crazy and never talked to me again. All throughout my life people have commented "you're just not the same person anymore...or...I don't know you anymore".

Sometimes I have felt like I could accomplish anything...then there is the severe depression. When I was 12 or 13 I {edit: details of method of suicide deleted} and my dog suddenly came in my room. She knew there was something really wrong with me. She got on my lap and then I just couldn't do it. Not that I couldn't do it to me...but I couldn't do it to her. I was in denial that I even had a problem with depression until I was reading my journal this year...I noticed that it keeps re-occurring and has since I can remember. I had always rebounded out of it and felt so wonderful that I forgot what it was like to be sad. I just figured the depression was over and was normal.

There's also times I have felt on top of the world AND depressed. I can think of hundreds more examples for any of the above.

CL