What does "safe" feel like with a therapist?

[Jesse910]

For the majority of my life, I have been afraid to let others in. The times that I have allowed someone in have usually been precipitated by a crisis that I couldn't fix. When there has been intervention, I usually blank out and don't remember much of what went on. And, afterwards, I'm exhausted. I've been seeing my therapist for quite some time and I tell her stuff that no one else knows. Yet, I'm still dodging her. My internal walls go up automatically and I berate myself after the session for not being able to stay in the game. This past year has been hell with the loss of my mother, trying to settle her affairs, working, trying to keep things going with my husband and going over homework with my child, and juggling other interests. I find myself wanting to trust and be okay with it, but it's a push pull situation.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That's certainly understandable.

Try to remind yourself that your therapist is there to help, not to judge or criticize, and that there's nothing you can't say to the therapist - you don't need to worry at all about his or her feelings, only your own - you can speak your mind without feeling a need to protect the therapist from you or you from the therapist.

 

[Jesse910]

Thanks David. At times, I find myself wanting to protect my therapist and not overload.

 

[lallieth]

Hi Jesse

Please do not worry about overloading your therapist or needing to protect her.She has most likely heard it all,and will not stand in judgment of you.She is there to listen to whatever you need to say.

 

[HotthenCold]

I think I can empathize with what you say about not remembering what and also about putting up walls. Music is what makes me feel good again.

 

[Into The Light]

My internal walls go up automatically and I berate myself after the session for not being able to stay in the game.

i can relate to this. i'm not sure what causes your walls to go up but for me it was me trying to push myself too much. i'd be unhappy with myself too whenever i didn't bring things up.

it's a work in progress but with small steps you can let those walls down, a little bit at a time. that is what i am doing right now and even though i'm not where i would like to be, i've finally realized that pushing myself isn't going to make things happen any faster, and maybe it even keeps me from working on bringing down those walls.

i think communicating to your therapist that you struggle with this may be helpful. i've done this and at every appointment when i see her i do my very best to be honest with myself and with her. if i feel something is too difficult or making me shut down i try to indicate this at the time. if i don't realize it until afterwards, i let her know about it the next time.

the big thing is keep talking about what you're struggling to talk about, and you can work something out together. as you work it out, you'll start to feel a bit safer and things will slowly progress in the right direction.

let us know how you do.

 

[ladylore]

it's a work in progress but with small steps you can let those walls down, a little bit at a time. that is what i am doing right now and even though i'm not where i would like to be, i've finally realized that pushing myself isn't going to make things happen any faster, and maybe it even keeps me from working on bringing down those walls.

This is great advice and so true. I have had to deal with this one for years. Then when I didn't realize it people started to tell me that they had noticed my walls come down a bit.

It is small steps and the work does pay off.

 

[just mary]

I find myself being two people around my therapist. There is the one who talks to him and the one who is there after a session. Behind a closed door I open up but once the door has been opened I'm myself again, I can't look him in the eye and I want out as soon as possible. But for that 50 or 60 minutes, I let go and I trust him, but after that he is like anyone else, someone to guard against and it makes me tired.

 

[MollyK]

Hi Jesse

I can relate to those "walls going up" too. I think its a coping mechanism to protect yourself from being hurt, maybe a learned strategy that you adopted a long time ago and is now a habit.

I agree with what people have said here and that you should keep talking to the therapist. They are trained people and you are there for you and to get yourself to a better place. The therapists job is there to help you not the other way round .. and hey! she/he has likely heard it all before and more!

Try and put the therapists perception (what you may imagine this is) completely out of the frame and be as open as you can .. the more you do this, the more you will bring stuff to the surface to resolve. Remember you are there for you!

All the best x