For the majority of my life, I have been afraid to let others in. The times that I have allowed someone in have usually been precipitated by a crisis that I couldn't fix. When there has been intervention, I usually blank out and don't remember much of what went on. And, afterwards, I'm exhausted. I've been seeing my therapist for quite some time and I tell her stuff that no one else knows. Yet, I'm still dodging her. My internal walls go up automatically and I berate myself after the session for not being able to stay in the game. This past year has been hell with the loss of my mother, trying to settle her affairs, working, trying to keep things going with my husband and going over homework with my child, and juggling other interests. I find myself wanting to trust and be okay with it, but it's a push pull situation.