here's the thing, I can't figure out whether all of the stuff in my family is "okay" or not.... it just seems so "normal" by now that I guess everyone has gotten used to certain ways of acting around each other and playing certain roles. A friend of mine said to me that the way I am acting is like allowing someone to push me instead of hitting me. so, as long as they don't hit me it's okay, but if they push me I let it go. She's one of my best friends but only knows maybe 10% of this but she says she's worried about me. Now that makes me wonder, if she doesn't know half of what's going on and she's worried, does that mean that things really are so bad? Am I just trying to downplay them b/c I've gotten used to them or b/c I feel helpess in changing the way my family is? Another person told me to run as fast as I can, to get away... why should someone have to run from their own family?? It's not like I'm being physically hurt. I'm enablin a lot of their behaviour, but how do I get out of this cycle? How does someone even get themselves into this situation?
Why is there that discrepancy btwn what's acceptable for other people and what's okay for myself, why are these standards different?
I'm so tired of fighting to get myself out of this, why should I always have to be the one fighting, why can't they get themselves some help.. I might be able to learn not to let family stuff affect me but I can't change them and I want to help each and every one of them so bad and I can't. And that's the worst feeling in the world. My sister has been dealing w/ depression since a very long time and is borderline pipolar, my dad is engulfed in his work and is miserable, and my mom is becoming more lonely every day and depressed b/c she resents her life. So in the end, my mom starts resenting me and my "perfect" life, so no matter what I do it's either not good enough or I should feel guilty b/c it's good and I guess she'd rather see me being miserable? I have no idea. She spend the whole last weekend yelling at me for no reason. She blows up at me almost every day for no "obvious" reason. And I thought I was able to deal w/ this somehow but after what my friend said, she's right.... I'm too afraid to call my mom telling her I'll be an hour late and so I live my life in fear of my mom's reactions.... is this emotional abuse? That she goes from being this loving, caring mother to being this mean person throwing insults at me and my friends and my life but then again begging me to help her or them when she can't do it anymore and is losing it again?
They all have so much potential, I don't understand why they choose to live being so miserable, letting things get worse every day and then complaining about life... I know I'm not the best person to go out and get help myself but I have different reasons and at least I don't let my problems affect them where as their lives are suffocating me. Playing the "perfect" daughter and sister doesn't work anymore, they resent me and have said so and even when they don't I know they do.... and I am resenting myself more and more b/c I can't even live up to being the good daughter or sister...
Is this okay or isn't it????
Why is there that discrepancy btwn what's acceptable for other people and what's okay for myself, why are these standards different?
I'm so tired of fighting to get myself out of this, why should I always have to be the one fighting, why can't they get themselves some help.. I might be able to learn not to let family stuff affect me but I can't change them and I want to help each and every one of them so bad and I can't. And that's the worst feeling in the world. My sister has been dealing w/ depression since a very long time and is borderline pipolar, my dad is engulfed in his work and is miserable, and my mom is becoming more lonely every day and depressed b/c she resents her life. So in the end, my mom starts resenting me and my "perfect" life, so no matter what I do it's either not good enough or I should feel guilty b/c it's good and I guess she'd rather see me being miserable? I have no idea. She spend the whole last weekend yelling at me for no reason. She blows up at me almost every day for no "obvious" reason. And I thought I was able to deal w/ this somehow but after what my friend said, she's right.... I'm too afraid to call my mom telling her I'll be an hour late and so I live my life in fear of my mom's reactions.... is this emotional abuse? That she goes from being this loving, caring mother to being this mean person throwing insults at me and my friends and my life but then again begging me to help her or them when she can't do it anymore and is losing it again?
They all have so much potential, I don't understand why they choose to live being so miserable, letting things get worse every day and then complaining about life... I know I'm not the best person to go out and get help myself but I have different reasons and at least I don't let my problems affect them where as their lives are suffocating me. Playing the "perfect" daughter and sister doesn't work anymore, they resent me and have said so and even when they don't I know they do.... and I am resenting myself more and more b/c I can't even live up to being the good daughter or sister...
Is this okay or isn't it????