- Thread starter Cavi
- Start date
I'd look for another therapist. I feel that one of the biggest benefits of seeing a therapist is their objectivity in addition to wider knowledge base. Family and friends, for all their good intentions, cannot maintain that type of objectivity. Also, maintaining a certain amount of distance allows therapists to listen without falling into emotional wreck over it. I feel that strong emotions on the part of the therapist compromise those qualities.
On a personal front, if I had a therapist that said that to me, it would scare the bejeezus out of me and trigger me in a very bad way. I know it sounds wrong, but I'd then be upset, even angry, that he (or she) has ruined an obviously good relationship by taking it to a place that I can't follow. I know I have issues with that. :blush: and I'm trying to work them out.
On a personal front, if I had a therapist that said that to me, it would scare the bejeezus out of me and trigger me in a very bad way. I know it sounds wrong, but I'd then be upset, even angry, that he (or she) has ruined an obviously good relationship by taking it to a place that I can't follow. I know I have issues with that. :blush: and I'm trying to work them out.
I'm with Lana. I'd look for another therapist. There are reasons there are boundaries in therapy and they need to be in place to protect both the client and the therapist.
I'd also say it's highly unethical for a therapist to make that statement. I wouldn't want to work with an unethical therapist. I couldn't possibly feel safe with him/her.
I'd also say it's highly unethical for a therapist to make that statement. I wouldn't want to work with an unethical therapist. I couldn't possibly feel safe with him/her.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
I would absolutely agree with Lana.
A therapist cannot be:
A therapist cannot be:
- a friend
- a family member
- a partner
- a lover
Into The Light
MVP
that spells trouble in a big way. i'd look for a different therapist, immediately.
Thanks for the replies...My T said she loved me the night before she went into her surgery...I chalked it up to her being emotional about her surgery...But yet it bothered me and thats why I was trying to walk away from the relationship...but I was getting extrememly depressed trying to so I contacted her again...This past Tuesday when I was suicidal she said the statement in my original post...On one hand I know what she is doing is wrong but on the other I can't even think about the idea of terminating especially after she was there for me on Tuesday...I had every intentions of committing suicide...THis is like a bad dream after my first therapist....RIMH
RIMH,
I believe this is one of those situations where you need to think of your own interests and your own safety above all and everyone else.
As everyone has stated, a therapist who makes advances to a patient/client is overstepping the bounds of ethics of their profession.
A therapist must remain an arm's length consultant, whose professional skills and training we use as tools in order to achieve improved mental health.
It is totally inappropriate for a therapist to alter that relationship during the course of therapy.
It should be said that regrettably, not all therapists live up to the ethical standards of the overwhelmingly vast majority of the dedicated people in their profession. These few unscrupulous individuals sometimes take advantage of the vulnerabilities of their clients/patients, which in some ways parallels the actions of a sexually abusive dominating parent on their child.
IOW it's a person in supposed power taking advantage of a person who may be, at that moment, vulnerable.
RIMH, I would strongly urge you to find another therapist, and tell that therapist about the behaviour of the therapist in question.
I believe this is one of those situations where you need to think of your own interests and your own safety above all and everyone else.
As everyone has stated, a therapist who makes advances to a patient/client is overstepping the bounds of ethics of their profession.
A therapist must remain an arm's length consultant, whose professional skills and training we use as tools in order to achieve improved mental health.
It is totally inappropriate for a therapist to alter that relationship during the course of therapy.
It should be said that regrettably, not all therapists live up to the ethical standards of the overwhelmingly vast majority of the dedicated people in their profession. These few unscrupulous individuals sometimes take advantage of the vulnerabilities of their clients/patients, which in some ways parallels the actions of a sexually abusive dominating parent on their child.
IOW it's a person in supposed power taking advantage of a person who may be, at that moment, vulnerable.
RIMH, I would strongly urge you to find another therapist, and tell that therapist about the behaviour of the therapist in question.
:goodpost:
and I completely agree with this suggestion:
RIMH, I know you are seeing the temp therapist and I would really try to open up to her about what is going on.
Take care
and I completely agree with this suggestion:
RIMH, I know you are seeing the temp therapist and I would really try to open up to her about what is going on.
Take care
Do you think you could ask your temp T the same question you asked us? Bounce it off of her and see what she says? You don't have to tell her everything at once, but you can guage her slowly. So for example, "What would you advise if a client told you that their therapist said <fill in the blank>?"
If you can open that route of talk, I think it would help you and prepare her also (or him). Once your panic is in check over this, courage will follow.
I think something like this is so difficult to handle, and shouldn't be dealt with alone. What would you advise a close friend if they asked you the same question?
I'm going to tell my temp. T Tuesday who the person is we've been discussing...I have misled her about who the person was and I am sure she will be angry and even possibly not want to work with me anymore but it's a chance I'll have to take because she can't help me unless she knows the truth...
At this point I don't know what I would tell a friend...At this time I am unable to see where my T is hurting me...I believe her when she says she loves me very much...My T doesn't have a mean bone in her body, she never gets mad at me...she is always kind and understanding...I just can't see it...RIMH
At this point I don't know what I would tell a friend...At this time I am unable to see where my T is hurting me...I believe her when she says she loves me very much...My T doesn't have a mean bone in her body, she never gets mad at me...she is always kind and understanding...I just can't see it...RIMH
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
I highly doubt that your "temp therapist" will be angry with you.
ladylore
Account Closed
RIMH
Its ok that a bond is formed between therapist and client...sometimes client and therpist just click. I give my therapist a hug after the session and its ok.
But she has never told me she has loved me. It is always up to the therpist to keep the professional boundaries no matter if they like you or not. We talk about serious issues in therapy that we wouldn't talk to anyone else about. This in and of itself brings an intensity to the 'relationship' that doesn't happen in others. That is why professional boundaries are so important.
I am glad you are going to say something and no I don't think she is going to be angry at all.
Its ok that a bond is formed between therapist and client...sometimes client and therpist just click. I give my therapist a hug after the session and its ok.
But she has never told me she has loved me. It is always up to the therpist to keep the professional boundaries no matter if they like you or not. We talk about serious issues in therapy that we wouldn't talk to anyone else about. This in and of itself brings an intensity to the 'relationship' that doesn't happen in others. That is why professional boundaries are so important.
I am glad you are going to say something and no I don't think she is going to be angry at all.
I don't see this behaviour as hurting in the literal sense, but does cross the boundary of a relationship which is intended to be professional and not personal.
There is no doubt that because we share intimate facts about our lives with a therapist, that the relationship feels to us as though we are talking to a person with whom we have a personal bond.
The therapist, much like a schoolteacher is trained to maintain a professional and objective distance from the client or student.
Once that boundary is crossed, the relationship is no longer professional and in circumstances where the client / patient/ or student is in vulnerable emotional state, the dominant party is taking advantage of the vulnerable party.
That, in my view is where this kind of advance is hurtful.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
It actually goes beyond that. To be effective as a therapist, it is essential that the therapist be able to maintain a certain emotional distance from the client.
As a therapist, it is important for me to be able to connect (to an extent) with the client's pain or distress but without some emotional distance I'm just another companion on that journey instead of a guide. But my role is to be a guide, so to the extent that I become wrapped up in your pain I am no longer in a position to give you the help you need. That's why surgeons don't operate on family members and lawyers don't defend loved ones and therapists shouldn't try to treat people close to them.
Your therapist may be well intentioned and it is also possible that her statements weren't intended to convey the message they conveyed to you, but if indeed she has blurred the boundaries between therapist and friend then she has compromised her ability to help.
There are the obvious ethical implications but it may help you to see that even they are not the whole story.
As a therapist, it is important for me to be able to connect (to an extent) with the client's pain or distress but without some emotional distance I'm just another companion on that journey instead of a guide. But my role is to be a guide, so to the extent that I become wrapped up in your pain I am no longer in a position to give you the help you need. That's why surgeons don't operate on family members and lawyers don't defend loved ones and therapists shouldn't try to treat people close to them.
Your therapist may be well intentioned and it is also possible that her statements weren't intended to convey the message they conveyed to you, but if indeed she has blurred the boundaries between therapist and friend then she has compromised her ability to help.
There are the obvious ethical implications but it may help you to see that even they are not the whole story.
Thanks for the replies...I'm not stable today and I'm beginning to wonder if I should be in the hospital...But I HATE being confined and I'm suppose to see my temp. T on Tuesday and my reg. T on Tuesday and Wed...I bought a lab puppy 6 weeks ago, my reg. T has labs and she wants to see Brandy and told me she couldn't wait to see her...so I am making a trip to her office on Tuesday with Brandy...Wed. is my appt. with my reg. T...I am having a difficult time with this because I truly believe my T loves me and I don't want to hurt her...She asks me all the time to not pull away from her...If I leave she is going to end up hurt and that hurts me...After what happened with my first T I can't believe this is happening again...not exactly the same but there is similarities...Since my T made the statement on Tuesday in my original post I am having problems with the child and I am terrified I will lose my reg. T and this whole mess is making me suicidal...
I need help getting grounded today...I would rather hurt myself than hurt Doc and I know if I pull away, she's going to end up hurt...She has a heart of gold!...RIMH
Dr. Baxter...I keep telling myself that what she said I took the wrong way...but I am borderline and I see everything in black and white, so if you can explain to me how saying,
"I love you very much, what we have goes way beyond the client/therapist relationship" and those were her exact words, I would be interested in you pointing out to me the grey area..............
I need help getting grounded today...I would rather hurt myself than hurt Doc and I know if I pull away, she's going to end up hurt...She has a heart of gold!...RIMH
Dr. Baxter...I keep telling myself that what she said I took the wrong way...but I am borderline and I see everything in black and white, so if you can explain to me how saying,
"I love you very much, what we have goes way beyond the client/therapist relationship" and those were her exact words, I would be interested in you pointing out to me the grey area..............
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ladylore
Account Closed
Sorry to be so blunt RIMH - But it is not your job to be there for her. As David has said she is to be a guide to you and that is it.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
You're right, RIMH. There's little room for gray in that statement.
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