What's normal?

[fearofmediocrity]

I'll try not to waste anyone's time here.
None of my family or friends think anything is wrong with me. In fact, I don't think anything is wrong with me, apart from the fact that I fantasise about getting hit by a bus, or my plane dropping out of the sky, or getting shot in a random massacre.
What is normal? Where does normal end and 'in-need-of-help' begin? With all the online depression screening and personality disorder tests available in cyberspace, how do I know if I'm normal (just a cyberchondriac) or really losing my freakin mind?
And how the hell do you get help anyway? It's not like I can just walk into a clinic and say 'hi doc, I think I'm nuts'. Last year I went for a walk-in interview with a uni counsellor and all he said was, in his exact words, "it's time to grow up". He obviously thinks I'm fine.
I don't know. I don't have any real problems. I was never abused. I come from a middle-high income family. I have an overseas education (in Australia, I'm Singaporean). I have things some people never even dream of having and still I hate myself. I don't deserve any of it. I don't even deserve my self-loathing. I read some of the things that people have been through and it's obvious why they feel the way they do, but I have it good, so what gives me the right to hate myself? I don't deserve the life I have, the friends I've made, the family who cares. I don't deserve the food I eat, the bed I sleep in, the clothes I wear. I don't deserve the air I breathe. Not when there are people starving, homeless, uneducated and unloved/uncared for in the world. Not when there are people with real problems. No one asked me if I wanted to be born, no one asks me if I want to live.
So yeah, I'm fine. I'm great. I have every material thing I could ever want. But I don't want anything. I just want to sleep and not have to wake up. Is this normal? And don't tell me I'm just a poor-rich-kid, because I know that all on my own.

 

[Zenergy]

what's normal?

You sound a bit like the Buddha, who was born a prince and had everything everyone could ever dream of. But he wasn't happy, because only those who have possessed the worldly goods know that the worldly goods alone cannot make you happy. Plus he can't stand being rich while there was all this suffering going on outside of his palace.

So Buddha walked out of his great palace to find real joy, real happiness, he traveled everywhere to meet the gurus, to meet the like minded people, to discuss the natural of joy and suffering (hey even Buddha needed a support group!), he was not satisfied with the answers he got from any of the gurus, so eventually, he discovered his own answer.

When a person lacks passion, spiritual energy, all he wants to do is sleep and not wake up. A person lacks passion because he is not surrounded by people, places, thoughts, and actions that can fill him up with such energy.

I remember the comedian Chris Rock once said "when I decided to be a comedian, I knew I had to surround myself with comedians, or I would never make it, so I went to to meet comedians, I made comedian friends, hung out and comedy clubs, if you weren't a comedian or didn't want to be one, I didn't even want to talk to you!"

Generate energy by surrounding yourself with people, things, music, career, thoughts, places, movements, anything that will fill you with passion.

If you feel so strongly about the suffering in the world, that is a sign of passion, do something about it!

And before you know it, you will be too busy living a passionate life and won't even have time to think about sitting in a crashing airplane

 

[David Baxter PhD]

what's normal?

Last year I went for a walk-in interview with a uni counsellor and all he said was, in his exact words, "it's time to grow up". He obviously thinks I'm fine.

I don't know the context in which that comment was made, of course, but it doesn't sound very helpful to me. I would suggest you find a different therapist/counsellor, perhaps not one at the university (sometimes, they are upper year students with limited experience).

So yeah, I'm fine. I'm great. I have every material thing I could ever want. But I don't want anything. I just want to sleep and not have to wake up. Is this normal?

No, I don't think feeling the way you do is "fine" at all. It sounds to me more like possible dysthymia or depression.

If you have a family doctor, he or she might be able to recommend or refer you to someone a little more helpful than the university counsellor you mentioned.

 

[fearofmediocrity]

what's normal?

I don't have a family doctor, and definitely not here in Australia. Besides, I wouldn't know what to say. I'm not sick. There's nothing really wrong with me. And I don't need anyone else judging me. I don't need anyone else telling me how ungrateful I am or how lucky I am. It's not that I don't want to talk to someone, but everytime I've tried to open up, whether to my friend or my mum or that counsellor, they've just brushed me off. And it's so selfish to talk about me all the time. Everyone has their own issues to deal with. How do I know they're not all walking around thinking about sleeping with their heads in the oven? For all I know, everyone feels this way and I am normal.
I feel like a soda can that's been dropped and shaken and kicked around. Like I'm fully pressurised and ready to explode. I want to scream till I pass out! Why can't people see how I feel?? I mean, they must see it, I wear it on my arms, unless they're stupid enough to believe I fall down that often. Sometimes I think no one will appreciate how I feel unless I killed myself. Even then, I'm sure some people will think I'm just seeking the ultimate attention. BAAAAHHHH!!!!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

what's normal?

I don't have a family doctor, and definitely not here in Australia. Besides, I wouldn't know what to say. I'm not sick. There's nothing really wrong with me.

It's not necessarily about being sick or having something "wrong with you" -- it's about the fact that you're not happy, and you don't need to accept it as just the way things are.

And I don't need anyone else judging me. I don't need anyone else telling me how ungrateful I am or how lucky I am.

Therapy is the most non-judgmental experience most people have, at least if you are seeing a competent therapist/counsellor. If you're therapist/counsellor is in fact judging you, move on and find someone else.

It's not that I don't want to talk to someone, but everytime I've tried to open up, whether to my friend or my mum or that counsellor, they've just brushed me off.

That is ONE counsellor.. and by the sound of it not a very good one.

And it's so selfish to talk about me all the time.

It's not about selfishness at all...

Everyone has their own issues to deal with. How do I know they're not all walking around thinking about sleeping with their heads in the oven? For all I know, everyone feels this way and I am normal.

No. Everyone does NOT feel that way. And you don't have to continue to feel that way either.

I feel like a soda can that's been dropped and shaken and kicked around. Like I'm fully pressurised and ready to explode. I want to scream till I pass out! Why can't people see how I feel??

Maybe because you're not telling them? Or not telling it to the right person/people?

I mean, they must see it, I wear it on my arms, unless they're stupid enough to believe I fall down that often.

Sometimes family members (and even friends) don't see things because they are afraid to see them. That's another reason for talking to a therapist.

I'm sure some people will think I'm just seeking the ultimate attention.

It's not about attention-seeking either...

The bottom line is that there is no reason for you to continue to feel the way you do. But it's also true that it probably won't change on it's own -- you'll have to take some steps to get the help you need to change it.