What's wrong with my friend?

[moomoo]

I've tried to do some research but I've come up with nothing.

My friend is really unstable - but not to the point of being Borderline.

She admitted to me that she is Bulimic, and has further admitted to having body dysmorphic disorder.

I've known her since 2000, when we worked together in a bar.

Since we've met she's moved house 20 times and is currently 'waiting for a sign' to tell her where to move next - Bali, Thailand, Adelaide, Melbourne... who knows?

She's changed jobs approx 7-8 times I don't know the exact number as she doesn't always tell me.

During the time I have known her she has been engaged 3 times and earlier this year she told me she'd decided to have a child and settle down with her current de-facto. But within a month she was over my house breaking the news that she had decided to leave him

I'm starting to feel a bit annoyed by her instablity - she is not a dramatic person though.

She doesn't do anything crazy like start fights or threaten to kill herself, it's just this constant instability...

What's wrong with this girl?

 

[white page]

Hi Moomoo. Welcome to Psychlinks,

I understand your great concern for your friend , and how upsetting it must be to see her instability . Is she aware of this in herself ?

Are you close enough to her to suggest that she see a doctor or a psychologist ?

As her instability can be caused by a number of factors, there are physical factors such as an over active thyriod , and a blood test will check that one out very quickly , or there may be other factors , which only a professional could diagnose .

If possible I would talk to her gently about seeing first her gp and go on from there .Does she have family who would be supportive of her ?

best wishes wp

 

[Jazzey]

Hi moomoo,

Sometimes, you don't have to be dramatic. It can actually come from insecurity, I think. When you're insecure, all of your decisions feel wrong - so you keep making new ones until the "right" one comes along.

For the time being, I'd suggest that you just enjoy your friend for what she brings you.

Nothing prevents you from sitting down with her and having a heart to heart. Maybe ask her why she's changed her mind so frequently?

 

[moomoo]

For the time being, I'd suggest that you just enjoy your friend for what she brings you.

Yes - but I've seriously had enough now. I've been her friend for 9 years and it's getting exhausting!

She's all over the place - and always has been.

It has driven me nuts in the past because she would move in with me (for a day or 2) then move out - then a few weeks later move in again, then move out without warning again :fool:

I do think it's interesting what you said about being insecure - and every decision feels wrong... very interesting.

That's never been me, I'm very stable and dependable...

 

[Jazzey]

People's insecurities express themselves in different ways. Having said that, sometimes we grow out of friendships and we have to recognize when to walk away before resentment sets in...

Right now, I know you're frustrated with her. If she were not part of your life next week, next month, next year - would you miss her friendship? (and remove the frustration before you answer this question - objectively speaking).

 

[moomoo]

Well the answer is yes and no.

We've been through a lot together and we understand each other in a way that no 'new' friend ever could.

That being said though, it makes life hard when I am married with children and stable and she is my friend who just flies by the seat of her pants everyday for years and years... and shows no sign of settling down.

 

[Jazzey]

Yes, I can understand that. So maybe it's just time for you to set down some stronger boundaries. Still keep her in your life, but set limits.

What she does in her personal life really only brings to bear on her. Unless you take down barriers that allow her to affect your family life.

Does this make sense Moomoo?

 

[Yuray]

Hi Moomoo
You mentioned your friend isn't dramatic. How would you explain all the drama she portrays, and lives?

Perhaps you are her 'ground' in all the chaos she seems to endure, and create. In a way she sounds like the stereotypical 'free spirit', yet her freeness causes you some moderate grief, and others as well.

Jazz suggested a 'heart to heart' but that involves a genuine sharing, and from what I have read regarding her, she is more likely just to be agreeable and placating, or offer a defence. She apparently doesn't see herself as a nuisance, perhaps in part by your enabling.

Maybe its time for a 'Heres how it is...I'm sorry but....etc"

Of course thats a hard line approach, but when a soft line fails, what else can be done but tolerate, accept, enable, and of course, complain, but you have the power to correct the situation, and if she has any concerns for your well being, she will listen, and comply. (Hard line stuff is never easy either)

The comradery that was once shared (but no longer seems to be), is not to be kept in place to honour the past.

Yuray