I've been working with my therapist for several years. It's taken me a long time to feel comfortable with her because I have a difficult time trusting women even though I am one. For the most part, I am comfortable with her and have gained a lot of wisdom from her that has enabled me to move past depression and the pitfalls of bipolar towards a balanced and stable lifestyle. Yet, throughout the years I have seen her, I have never given her complete access to me. There's always a part of me that I hold back.
Last week, out of the blue, she asked for my home address. While that is an innocuous question, I balked at it. It was as though she had invaded my turf and robbed me of all that was sacred. She has my office, home and cell phone numbers and my postal address. She reminded me that I had given her grief when I first started seeing her over the same thing. Her retort was that she would not see me unless she had the information. And, while I continued to ask why she needed it, the only thing she would say was that she needed it for her records.
I moved a few months ago and this is what prompted her request. A very long time ago, I was in a crisis state and my phone rang. It was a close friend of mind. When I told her what I had done, she immediately called the paramedics, who showed up. Because I was able to articulate my thoughts and sounded halfway decent, I was able to get the paramedics to leave. Unbeknown to me, my mother had also been called by this friend and she had keys to my apartment at the time and she intervened and I was taken to the hospital. For that reason, I have never trusted friends, family, or therapist in a crisis.
What I wanted from this current therapist was a guarantee that she would never call the police if something went wrong. Her comment was that she was there to protect me, my husband and my child. I felt betrayed and stonewalled her for the remainder of the session. My therapist prior to the one I have now was willing to make that promise to me as long as I promised to call him first. I kept my agreement with him because he trusted me to keep mine.
When I asked my husband for his thoughts on possible termination of treatment, he asked me how long had I been thinking about it. And, I told him since last Thursday when she made me mad. He stated that that wasn't a valid reason to terminate. Then, he asked whether or not, I would seek another therapist, and I told him, "no." He told me that I needed to deal with the situation.
For the life of me, I cannot figure out why this is causing me so much turmoil. I should be able to handle this and move on. I became very defensive with this woman (which is uncharacteristic of me). I told her that I would never call her if I was in a real crisis; and if something happened to me, I would never leave a note. Additionally, I would never be in a place where she could find me. Am I wrong to want a measure of control over my life? In my professional life, I am a very take-charge person and not accustomed to submitting to another woman's authority under almost any set of circumstances. I'm not being reasonable and I admit that. How can I see this in a different light? Thank you.
Last week, out of the blue, she asked for my home address. While that is an innocuous question, I balked at it. It was as though she had invaded my turf and robbed me of all that was sacred. She has my office, home and cell phone numbers and my postal address. She reminded me that I had given her grief when I first started seeing her over the same thing. Her retort was that she would not see me unless she had the information. And, while I continued to ask why she needed it, the only thing she would say was that she needed it for her records.
I moved a few months ago and this is what prompted her request. A very long time ago, I was in a crisis state and my phone rang. It was a close friend of mind. When I told her what I had done, she immediately called the paramedics, who showed up. Because I was able to articulate my thoughts and sounded halfway decent, I was able to get the paramedics to leave. Unbeknown to me, my mother had also been called by this friend and she had keys to my apartment at the time and she intervened and I was taken to the hospital. For that reason, I have never trusted friends, family, or therapist in a crisis.
What I wanted from this current therapist was a guarantee that she would never call the police if something went wrong. Her comment was that she was there to protect me, my husband and my child. I felt betrayed and stonewalled her for the remainder of the session. My therapist prior to the one I have now was willing to make that promise to me as long as I promised to call him first. I kept my agreement with him because he trusted me to keep mine.
When I asked my husband for his thoughts on possible termination of treatment, he asked me how long had I been thinking about it. And, I told him since last Thursday when she made me mad. He stated that that wasn't a valid reason to terminate. Then, he asked whether or not, I would seek another therapist, and I told him, "no." He told me that I needed to deal with the situation.
For the life of me, I cannot figure out why this is causing me so much turmoil. I should be able to handle this and move on. I became very defensive with this woman (which is uncharacteristic of me). I told her that I would never call her if I was in a real crisis; and if something happened to me, I would never leave a note. Additionally, I would never be in a place where she could find me. Am I wrong to want a measure of control over my life? In my professional life, I am a very take-charge person and not accustomed to submitting to another woman's authority under almost any set of circumstances. I'm not being reasonable and I admit that. How can I see this in a different light? Thank you.
