Why Are You So Quiet

[Cavi]

Thats all I've heard the last 2 days...For some reason I am physically drained...
I am struggling to even take the dogs out potty, to train, to groom...It seems an effort to even write this post...I feel like every ounce of energy has been sucked out of me...

Internet friends are emailing asking why I'm so quiet...I answer with 2 sentences because I have nothing to say...i don't feel sad or depressed...I'm not angry...
My movement is even in slow motion...I always run 5 miles in the mornings, the past 2 mornings I've been lucky to make it 4 miles...

Yet I go to bed and I constantly wake up...I feel like I am brainless or something because I sit and think that I am thinking nothing...the last time I went through the empty thoughts, I was on Zyprexa...I'm not on any meds other than fexofenadine and synthroid...

I am sitting here thinking, what do I write, what do I say...I am empty...I am just plain drained...i could sleep for a week but if I went to bed, I would be wide awake...

Actually, feeling numb and drained describes me to a Tee...But why?...I was having some really good days and nothing has happened for the switch...I was feeling connected to a internet friend and now it's like, ok, its her but theres nothing to say...

My T and I have been digging into my past alot and I was having alot of flashbacks...but I haven't been having them lately and my last session was easy...Usually this time of year I start reacting to my mom's birthday coming up in Feb. because of her death...This year it's like ok, its mom's birthday soon and I recognize it but I'm not falling apart...

Emotionally I feel strong, physicallly I am wiped out...My doc has done tests in the past when this happened before and couldn't find a physical explanation, but this time I have withdrawn from people which I don't normally do...I usually look forward to my sessions and working on me and I am like, I don't wanna go...I want to stay in bed the rest of my life...

My roommate asks why are you so tired...Gotta remember she got her doctoral license out of a cracker jack box and she tells me all the time what is wrong with me...Yet she has skin cancer the one that starts with an S, can't spell it and she knows more than the doctor does about it...

I don't want to play on my pc. which is a really BIG switch for me...I just wanna, oh heck I don't even know what I want..........I normally journal and that doesn't even interest me............rimh

 

[Into The Light]

you sound like you may be becoming more depressed. i found that when i got worse i cared less and less about things that used to interest me. the lack of energy is also a big indicator.

when i was almost hitting the worst of my depression i didn't feel a whole lot either in instances where i think i normally would have been upset or sad. maybe this is what is happening to you, a numbing of emotions. this is just all speculation though.

i also experienced being fine emotionally but physically barely being able to move (which was a little odd, but temporary, just for a day). it was definitely depression that sapped my energy. i think it might be a good idea to bring what's happening up with your therapist.

 

[Cavi]

More than likely your right, today is the third day of this zapped energy...It's driving me nuts b/c I'm a very active person by nature....RIMH

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

That may be it, tiredness could defionatly be a symptom of increasing depression, as is that numbish feeling. I was wondering about what you said about therapy. that you have been digging deeper recently, and that you felt stronger emotionally. How intense and frequent are those sessions, and could dealing with your emotions on a deep level be exhausting you?

 

[ThatLady]

Have you had a thorough physical lately, RIMH? There are a number of things that could be making you feel sapped of energy. Not all of them are related to depression. When I hear someone complaining of the things you're complaining of, I always suggest getting a full physical screening (blood tests, et al) before anything else. Once a physical reason is ruled out, it makes the going a lot easier.

 

[Cavi]

I think part of its the fact that therapy has been so intense, I go once a week and 2 sessions in a row was really tough...The last session I had was easy b/c I didn't want to deal with my childhood so we focused on something else...

I was suppose to have a physical back in December but I keep putting it off and I just found out that my doctor has left the clinic I go to...

I am more energetic today (T.G.) but the isolation still rules...Doesn't take much to set me off on a screaming tirade...ugggggggggg...I started having flashbacks last night but I started singing the mockingbird song and drowned them out...I have therapy tomorrow, I have afeeling its going to be a tough one again...................RIMH