Why do I feel like people hate me?

[kevin123]

I am a college student and I have this intense feeling that other people automatically dislike me. I don't know why this is and it has really started to get to me. It has made it very difficult to make new friends and almost impossible to start a relationship.

For instance, when I am in class everybody seems to be best friends, while I am just ignored. When I try to start a conversation with someone, it seems like their smile just disappears even though I was trying to be upbeat and friendly. It makes me feel like I am some alien from another plant, and I'm just not wanted at all. This feeling makes it so difficult to talk to people, especially women. Everywhere I go it seems like everyone is happy and in a relationship while I am just left out like I didn't even exist. I just have this feeling wherever I go that everyone hates me or will the second I talk to them. I know this is probably just in my head, but it feels very real and I don't know what to do about it. I feel so alone sometimes and it breaks my heart to live in a world without any love. Has anyone else gone through this? Does anyone have any advice?

 

[Andy]

Hi Kevin123,

Sorry your feeling so alone right now.

I can understand this quite a bit. I am still like this. My friends always use to get so annoyed with me because I would swear that this person or that person hated me because of some vibe I got from them or something they said. It is a horrible feeling, odd man out.
With me it was a combination of anxiety/low self esteem and low self confidence which in turn made me awkward which made me feel like I pushed people away more.

It sounds like you are trying to "fake it til you make it". Personally I found that playing the part doesn't always work when there are other issues like anxiety etc. underneath it all.

Are any of these a major problem with you? Would you see a counselor or therapist to talk about some of these things?

 

[tryindbt]

I feel the same way guys! I do....and it is something that really doesn't feel good. I think it was something that recently made me over-react on something at my job recently and possibly could have contributed to me losing my job, because I didn't mesh well with the team. So, this is not an uncommon feeling- and I am glad you brought it up- because I don't think i've seen that posted on this forum......and I am so glad I know that other people DO feel this way. So thanks for bringing it up kevin123, and thanks for replying to the post STP.

I think that since you are a college student Kevin123- you are in a good place to get some free help from university services. This sounds scary I know and you might wonder if people will know you went to a therapist (I thought this), but really it is the best thing you can do for yourself. AND, it is actually what you need to figure out what the issue may be and it can really help you. You are very lucky for this opportunity- I urge you to go and find out what you can on the services your school may have to offer you. I can tell you from experience, that if you don't take care of this issue now, it will stay with you longer than you want it to; I wish I could have done this when I was in school, but I was not aware of so many things available until later and then I was too scared to go.

please come back and talk about this anytime you want. I'm sure we all have similar stories- and I hope you move towards getting some help. Let us know how you are doing.

 

[kevin123]

Thanks for your support guys! It's comforting to just know that I am not the only one who feels this way. And yes, I do believe my anxiety is a huge factor in this problem. I just get way too nervous in stupid mundane activities for no good reason, and it sort of makes you have this "frozen" feeling where it is hard to speak or do things around other people. I know it sounds stupid because there is no reason i should feel this way, and I know it, but still the feeling persists. I think this makes others think I am snobby or uninterested, where in fact I want to talk to them but I just don't know what to say. I am really trying to figure this out right now. I will try to keep a positive attitude and look on the bright side of life, but it can be difficult when you feel so unloved.

 

[Andy]

Hi Kevin

I don't think it sounds "stupid" at all. I have been in situations where I just freeze or I go into that fight or flight response. Depending on my anxiety, I stutter and turn into a complete klutz.
Also, with all the time I have been like this I think I have had one person think I was just being stuck up(that I know of anyway), the rest thought I was shy.

If your willing to work on your anxiety issues, I am sure you will get past this and people will be telling you to quit talking so much.

 

[tryindbt]

Kevin, it's not stupid at all...that's exactly how I have felt also several times.

 

[kevin123]

Thanks for your kind words!

 

[kevin123]

I just went out to the bars with my friends tonight, but I never feel comfortable approaching women. My friend just went right up to them and started talking and ended up with like 4 numbers! Why can't it just come natural to me! I just never have anything to say to brake the ice. It is so frustrating when you feel like you are the only single person in the world. They say all you need is confidence, and just start talking, but that is way easier said than done. I feel like I am a pretty decent looking guy; I go to the gym all the time and eat very healthy, yet I still don't ever feel good enough! What the hell is my problem?! Sorry for the rant, haha, but do any ladies have any advice for this guy? What do you girls want me to say to you? How do some guys who totally don't take care of themselves at all have all the confidence in the world, yet I don't feel good enough for anyone? I just hate feeling so damn lonely all the time. I have so much love to give, I just wish I believed in myself.

 

[Andy]

I do feel bad for you as it typically is the guy who approaches women (not always) and if your anxious and somewhat reserved I imagine that does makes thing quite difficult.
I am the same way, I turned to unhealthy ways to get over that though as I wouldn't even go into a bar. I am totally not suggesting anything I am just talking and besides that is not a good way to deal with problems and it usually got me into trouble anyway.

I think a lot of times if a guy and his friend came up and the one guy that wasn't talking much smiled and maybe even said "Hey, how's it goin?" then personally I would feel more open to chatting with him and may even start chatting him up. Is it possible that women may feel intimidated by you because you take such good care of yourself? I think a lot of the guys that take care of them selves are insecure and that's why they are sure to look good, not that there is anything wrong with that, us ladies (and men) thank you for that. Confidence does help a lot. Shy/quite guys aren't so bad either ya know, you are definitely good enough.

I know personally, and I have low self esteem so take it for what it's worth, there are certain guys I may think are good looking but I wouldn't even bother talking too because I don't think they would want to talk to me or stigma of that type of person etc. It works both ways, I am sure there are women you wouldn't even think of talking to as well etc.

Is there some sort of co-ed sport/activity you could join ( a small group) that you would enjoy but might help you to start to get the confidence to speak with women? Books you can read to give you some ideas, talk to a professional if your up for that? Personally I think that the more you step out of your box and take the chances as uncomfortable as they may be then the more confident you will get with yourself.

I really relate to you and I am sure you will be able to get through this if you work on it. It might be hard now but it should get easier.

 

[kevin123]

Thanks for your good advice! =) As Rocky said "It's not how hard you can hit, it's how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." I will just keep at it for as long as it takes to overcome this. Thank you!

 

[Wolverine]

Well,thats a feeling that i have too many years,i always thought that other people dislike me and make wonder/feel that i have something up on me or in my character that causes them to stay away from me or to not make me friend.The result from all this situation was to hate myself and hate the others of course.

 

[Wolverine]

Maybe they see me as indifferent person,invisible for them,when people around you dont give you no attention,you try to talk and they dont stop their talk to listen to you,then you are dissapoitned,you hit your head in the wall and wonder whats wrong with you,where and what you are doing wrong.:facepalm::facepalm:

 

[Wolverine]

There is a point here,if you hate your own self how you're waiting from others not to hate you too.

 

[Sonya]

Hi Kevin,

It could be something as simple as not having fresh breath. You sound like a likable, attractive man.

I can't think of another reason that someone's smile would disappear when you talk to them. I carry those little bottles of binaca (however you spell it) everywhere I go.

 

[Wolverine]

I feel the worst for me and i believe that all the others see me as stupid moron,i feel ashamed,humiliated,helpless.:facepalm: I am alone in this life,nobody gives interesting...

 

[michavalos]

Well,thats a feeling that i have too many years,i always thought that other people dislike me and make wonder/feel that i have something up on me or in my character that causes them to stay away from me or to not make me friend.The result from all this situation was to hate myself and hate the others of course.

that is correct, the ending is, we would hate ourselves thinking why we feel the people around us seems to dislike or hate us but in fact, they don't. Our mind gives us a very tricky imagination that may sometimes gives us a disadvantage.

 

[oscartheman]

I am a college student and I have this intense feeling that other people automatically dislike me. I don't know why this is and it has really started to get to me. It has made it very difficult to make new friends and almost impossible to start a relationship.

For instance, when I am in class everybody seems to be best friends, while I am just ignored. When I try to start a conversation with someone, it seems like their smile just disappears even though I was trying to be upbeat and friendly. It makes me feel like I am some alien from another plant, and I'm just not wanted at all. This feeling makes it so difficult to talk to people, especially women. Everywhere I go it seems like everyone is happy and in a relationship while I am just left out like I didn't even exist. I just have this feeling wherever I go that everyone hates me or will the second I talk to them. I know this is probably just in my head, but it feels very real and I don't know what to do about it. I feel so alone sometimes and it breaks my heart to live in a world without any love. Has anyone else gone through this? Does anyone have any advice?

People seem to care more then they really do sometimes!
I have a feeling that most people do not care. They sit home at their computers many hours long, on their computers. They talk to their friends sometimes, in real life, but their minds are not totally there. The times, they are a changing. People are interested in drugs and alcohol more and more. Parties, disco music. So, I think that a few minutes of them talking to you, they will be on to something else.
This is applied to college, where I go to. I do not know about the rest. I could, of course, be dead wrong. But this is what I feel.

Lighten up.

In general, people do not like to be alone. To be alone is depressing. We are social animals!

So socialize!

Do not talk too much, with silence you can not go wrong.

But when you are with someone, everything looks different.

Don't resist what is happening. Adapt!

 

[SilentNinja]

I also feel like everyone hates me! Even when im told people like me.. i still dont believe it... i think why on earth would anyone want to like me, i am nothing, and i never speak. I hate being around people and i can go months without seeing anyone apart from my mum and dad, but i love to chat online.. i can be myself, i have friends all over the world that i talk to online.
Ive been doing martial arts 20 odd years and I STILL feel i dont fit in, exactly what you say about they turn away or their smile drops ect. Also though i can feel what people feel and pretty much know what they feel inside ( think ) .. just by looking at them, this disturbs me alot. I also feel like i am looking down on everyone and i can see life being played out, i can see the fakeness of it all. - Im not good with words so i cant explain what i mean exactly. But i do totally understand your post. Its a horrible horrible feeling

 

[Wolverine]

After three months from my last post to this thread,there is no positive evolution,always other people laughed with my face,with me actually and i never got an answer what's the damn reason,what's wrong up on me,is my hair,my face,my body,my voice,the way i'm walking and talking,my thoughts and opinions,i don't know why they make feel like i have something wrong but maybe i don't have nothing.

I never understood that kind of behavior from some people.

:fool::fool:

 

[Katieann]

Hey there Wolfie...maybe you're cute in a funny or silly way...and hey, those guys get girls too... did you ever consider that? Nobody is the norm exactly....and quite frankly - being part of a group can suck. Yes, you are then included - but your specialness is not applauded or considered a plus. But I know what you mean... you'd like to be in the mix....Why don't you quietly observe different types of behaviour for a while - and see what you can notice? There are lots of movies with a guy that is not the popular handsome boy (most of them aren't). It often looks like everybody is hanging together... but they all have their own problems, anxiety... fear. They just cover it up....

Your confidence comes from inside... can you make a list of what you really like about yourself? What are your strong and appealing points?

Looking forward to your list,

Katieann