Why do I feel like such a burden?

[Sophie Cecile]

Often when I'm feeling upset, I go to my boyfriend for advice. He's really good at just sitting and listening and helping me work through my problems, and gives me good advice for my arguments with my mom (leave each other be, try to disengage, etc), but whenever I talk to him about what's upsetting me, I can't help but feel like I'm burdening him. When I tell him this, he says it's no problem and he's here for me.

I don't want to put stress on our relationship, because it's going really well, and I've had 2 other relationships end because of my anxiety.
At first they say they can take it, but eventually they've had enough.

I'm kind of lost.
Any suggestions?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

whenever I talk to him about what's upsetting me, I can't help but feel like I'm burdening him. When I tell him this, he says it's no problem and he's here for me.

I think you should take him at his word. If it doesn't feel like a burden to him, it's not a burden to him.

 

[forgetmenot]

Is there someone else you can talk to as well so you don't feel you are putting to much on your boyfriend Do you have a therapist you can confide in as well. Sometimes it is better to talk to someone outside a relationship Your boyfriend seems to be able to handle the stress just get him to be honest with you okay if he feels it is getting to be too much hugs

 

[BluMac81]

Well, there are two schools of thought of this in my opinion. First, and this is the one I agree with; you are not being a burden to him because you are in a committed relationship and supporting eachother's 'down' times is an essential function of that relationship, and necessary for it to thrive. In other words, by telling him about your issues, you are strengthening your relationship to him by letting him in to your world so as to understand your behavior. As a single 29 year old guy, I would be fine with my girlfiend talking to me about what upsets her, unless it is more of a ranting/complaining type communication that is done several times a day, that could make the relationship go sour quick. Rather than ranting/complaining, being sincere and heartful when communicating with me can be done all day, in my opinion. That's because that type of sincere speaking from the heart communication is what makes you feel closer.

This burden idea is all in your head, I really think you should talk to your partner and get him to honestly say how he feels about it, just ask him if the way you talk to him when you're upset bothers or annoys him at all, ask if you are a burden to him, and tell him to be totally honest; most likely he will say 'it's just fine', and yes that's how men talk, few words (lol), but you're gonna have to trust that this is truly how he feels. Tell him also that if it ever does annoy or bother him to just tell you so you know, that way you don't have to keep wondering if you're a burden or not, if he's a good boyfriend, he'll be honest and tell you.

Good luck, you'll be fine!

The other school of thought on this is

 

[wheelchairdemon]

One thing that I find helps is to write. I write tons of letters and blogs because I, too, feel like a burden on society. I use a wheechair and it blocks most attempts to fulfill my hopes and dreams.

Sometimes by writing I can sort out what is bugging me on my own. I can't explain why; it just works. Other times, when I talk to someone and express my frustrations even though I know there is aboslutely nothing they can do to take away the barriers that stop me from enjoying life, they'll say something seemingly small, insignificant, and seemingly unconnected, but believe it or not, it will often lead to a eureka moment; an enlightenment, a new idea that I can try to use to turn my directions to something else, or solve the problem that I am discussing.

If you get some of those eureka moments, or you simply find that, by talking, it is helping you in more ways than you think your friend will ever know, tell them. By doing that you are building their sense of hope as well. You're telling them that, although you know that maybe there are some things they can't help you with directly, their very act of listening and throwing in a few comments here and there, is helping you more than they will ever know.

That will leave them feeling useful and a person of value as well.