Why too much mental attraction on opposite sex?

[lotaloi]

Folks,

I think I've been in a problem that is kinda slow poisoning & and screwing my life for a long time. I'm a 28 yrs old guy. I feel too much of attraction to women. I means I mentally feel the need of a women all time. I don't have a girl fr now as I'm a student & want to concentrate on studies first. I've got lot of guys fr but they can not remove that loneliness that even a single woman can do. I'm hanging out with guys, having fun, touring whatever,but I feel a loneliness or lack of something and that is a female company.

It happens a lot when go in natural places like in a lake,park,nature etc. I do have some female fr ,but they don't give that much time get rid off that loneliness. I believe "I think too much of women and want their company".My other guy friends they certainly do not crave as much as I do.By talking to my guy fr, I understand.

My ques,is that loneliness is normal???? Or how can I at least decrease too much attraction of the opposite sex? I'm consider it as a mental disease. Please help me.

 

[Daniel E.]

My ques,is that loneliness is normal????

Seems pretty normal to me.

I don't have a girl fr now as I'm a student & want to concentrate on studies first.

Of course, generally speaking, the two interests need not be mutually exclusive:

Rare are the days in which the Zen Valedictorian is working for most of his waking hours. More common are relaxing nights and last-minute adventures.

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/mental-h...llege-stress-without-decreasing-ambition.html

A point Randy Pausch made in his famous last lecture is that grad students who are married with children often have better time management skills, are less likely to procrastinate, etc:

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/anxiety-and-stress/18622-time-management-videos.html

And it doesn't have to be all-or-nothing, e.g. spending every day with a significant other vs. not dating at all. Just going on a date every-now-and-then may help abate the natural obsession with the opposite sex.

 

[lotaloi]

Ok but for about me how can I decrease it? Don't u think its a mental problem or disorder?

 

[Daniel E.]

A lot of things in life can be distressing without being related to a mental disorder. Since you don't currently have a girlfriend, it is natural to have significant, potentially distressing longing for female companionship.

My other guy friends they certainly do not crave as much as I do.

Of course, by the age of 28, a lot of guys are already married.

I feel a loneliness or lack of something and that is a female company.

how can I decrease it?

By getting some female company From a developmental perspective, the basic function of such loneliness is to motivate you to affiliate more with women, e.g. dating.

 

[lotaloi]

actually the problem is in our culture we don't make girl friend. I'm kinda used to that but inside we crave to have. I think this thing came from kinda loneliness that I have. We have more attraction any type of forbidden things. That's what happening to me.
I don't understand how about the other people who don't have GF? They seem more stable than me.

 

[Daniel E.]

I don't understand how about the other people who don't have GF? They seem more stable than me.

Well, it's true that in the West (America, Canada, etc), we associate intimacy primarily with romantic relationships rather than also friendships, etc. So I assume these guys you are talking about have very close friendships and/or have very close ties to their families. In contrast, many Americans/Canadians have no one close to confide in except their girlfriend/boyfriend.

 

[busybee]

Hello, from a womens perspective, I have exactly the same thing but swapped around. Many girlfriends but the only fullfulling relationship I crave is that with a man. Now it is not just a sexual relationship, but the full gamut. The loneliness... ahhh.. yes... it is a difficult stage to work through. And still a work in progress. The journey we have in life is based on the decisions and choices we make. Being mindful and aware. If you are lonely what are you doing about it. Dating... mmm... lol ... easier said than done.. but join activities or groups with like minded individuals who happen to be male and female. Concentrating on study is admirable but there must be rest and relaxation too and find a balance in your life. Once again, all easier said than done. I know the answers intellectually, but emotionally.... ahhh that is the challenge.

 

[BluMac81]

Ya its the same with me. I had a crush on just about every girl in high school... thought that was over, then got into college and its the same thing, in my English class alone there were 6 girls I wanted so bad to make moves on (but only made a move on 1, but she's seeing someone). I am desperately wanting an intimate relationship with a woman too, I don't know why it is so easy for some people. I get jealous when I see couples together at the uni, the dates I've been on as of late have been disasterous, I'm starting to feel like there is something about me that repels women, I just don't know what it is.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I am desperately wanting an intimate relationship with a woman too

And therein may lie the problem... if you feel desperate, you may well come across that way to others. That can be both alarming and off-putting to many people.

Instead of "desperately seeking relationships", you might be better advised to seek friends, expand your social network, and let relationships develop and unfold more slowly and "naturally".