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    "There is no better exercise for your heart than reaching down and helping to lift someone up."
    Bernard Meltzer, posted by HBas

stargazer

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I came here to post about this, but got distracted by the ADHD assessment, which probably means I'm ADHD.

I'm concerned about a young person I'm working with who is diagnosed ADHD and has a tendency to take on too many projects at once. I have heard this is a symptom of ADHD, and both of the other people I've known on ADHD have obviously done that. I am afraid that if she takes on any more stuff, she will somehow explode.

She also appears to have very low self-esteem. People comment on this, so it's not just something I myself have noticed.

Although she is working with me on my own project, I would let her go if I thought it were for her good. I have also suspected that the only reason she's working with me is because she's ADHD, and she hasn't yet realized she should drop my project. Also, it is hard for me to let her go because her work is too good. Finally, I am developing fatherly feelings toward her, which is another subject, but it does happen, and it's hard to know where to go with those.

Although these kinds of things happen in Performing Arts all the time, I am still worried about her, and I am not sure why. I hope she doesn't read this post, because I know she surfs the Internet a lot. (I don't think she knows I hang out here, though.)
 
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i'm not quite sure what your question is stargazer, but here are some thoughts that come to mind.

i'm not sure that dropping her from your project is going to do her any good for a few of reasons. 1) she has low self-esteem, this would be a blow to her. 2) she would fill up the time she uses for the project with something else 3) you then would not see how she was doing and thus not be able to advise her if she starts to have difficulties

the thing about people is that they need to recognize there is a problem and then they need to want to get help. it's hard to tell someone else they have a problem. they won't see it, or won't want to see it. they may be offended even though your intentions are good. i would say try to be supportive and mention your concerns in the appropriate moments, but don't push it. be there for when things may become difficult for her.
 

stargazer

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i'm not quite sure what your question is stargazer, but here are some thoughts that come to mind.

I didn't really phrase this as a question, but basically I am asking if anyone has an idea what I can do that will be helpful for her.

i'm not sure that dropping her from your project is going to do her any good for a few of reasons. 1) she has low self-esteem, this would be a blow to her. 2) she would fill up the time she uses for the project with something else 3) you then would not see how she was doing and thus not be able to advise her if she starts to have difficulties

All three of those make sense. Also, to clarify, there's no way I would drop her from the project, if only for selfish reasons, because she's too good. I *am* a little afraid that, in my concern for her, I might somehow interfere with other areas where I feel she is over-extending herself. Also I fear that my concern is unwarranted. Finally, I am afraid her devotion to my project, being possibly a symptom of ADHD, means that my project isn't any good. In other words, she wouldn't be involved if it weren't for that she's compelled because of the ADHD. I've talked about this all in therapy, too, and the therapist thinks it has to do with my own low self-esteem.

the thing about people is that they need to recognize there is a problem and then they need to want to get help. it's hard to tell someone else they have a problem. they won't see it, or won't want to see it. they may be offended even though your intentions are good. i would say try to be supportive and mention your concerns in the appropriate moments, but don't push it. be there for when things may become difficult for her.

Yes, that makes sense. Also, the more I think about this, the more I might be amplifying the extent to which I feel she has a problem, because of various factors on my own end (e.g., fear of losing her, etc., having paternal feelings, etc.)

So probably I should just relax about the whole thing.
 

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