Worried about my niece

[MollyK]

Ive always been very close to my neice. She grew up alongside my children and is almost like a daughter, but I am very worried about her and would be grateful for any advice on how best i can help and support. Sorry if I have posted this in the wrong section by the way, I wasnt clear where I should post this so feel free to move it if it needs to be somewhere else

My neice is a sweet bubbly girl. She lives on her own, is 25 years old but I have long worried about her alcohol consumption. She recently said that she has a "problem" that when she is out with friends she just cant stop and drinks way too much and several nights a week. She also seems to gravitate to one disastrous relationship to another. She ends up with guys who mess her around, are emotionally abusive or who just seem to be using her. She recently found out one guy who she really fell in love with had been having another relationship with someone else the whole time. she finished ut but found she was pregnant and had this terminated. She was so very upset though, said she felt it was such a wrong thing to do but felt that she had no choice. More stuff emerged about the boyfriend, that he had two other children that he doesnt bother about or support, about other girlfriends.

She has ended this relationship which was one on the end of many for my neice! She seems very depressed though, doesnt want to work, cries all the time, drinking more than ever. Her father to my knowledge also has a drink problem and she has a stormy distant relationship with him but is close to her mom (my sister) who is equally worried about her.

I have found an alcohol counsellor/centre and made my neice an appointment, but I believe they will just work on her alcohol issues and not her self esteem and relationship problems but private therapy is very expensive in the UK and the National Health one is always psychodynamic counselling for 6 weeks and she has already done that and found it depressing and unhelpful. Tonight my neice was just sobing down the phone to me saying "my life is crap"...."life is crap" ... "I am so tired of feeling like this". I did my best to comfort and reassure her and told her I love her, that she is lovely and that I and her mum are always here for her. I think I did make her feel better to a degree but she is clearly very unhappy and comfort is a short term thing isnt it when someone is permanently unhappy and self destructive

I love my neice, she is a beautiful young woman, even if she cant see that herself. How can I best help her

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: worried about neice

but I believe they will just work on her alcohol issues and not her self esteem and relationship problems

If the counselor works with her one-on-one (not just in a group setting), chances are these issues would be addressed, especially if there are at least several sessions of counseling. If the counseling center does not provide one-on-one counseling, then someone (the mom, the government, somebody) needs to pay for her to see a therapist, assuming she can't pay for a therapist on her own.

Also, she should see a psychiatrist if isn't already because the ideal treatment is medications + therapy.

 

[Halo]

Re: worried about neice

MollyK,

I think your niece is lucky to have such a caring aunt who is willing to be open and non-judgmental about what she is going through. I also think like Daniel in that maybe if she does get some counselling even if from an alcohol counsellor there is a good possibility that the reasons why she is drinking will come up and those will be addressed not just the actual behaviour.

If on the other hand those reasons are not addressed then additional counselling of some sort may be required and although expensive, it will be worth it in order to deal with the underlying reasons for drinking.

Again, I think it is great that you are so supportive of your niece and I would just encourage you to continue to be a part of her support system as she will need it.

Take care :heart:

 

[MollyK]

Re: worried about neice

Thanks for your replies. I hope this counselling incorporates something longer term and helpful for her. She wont consider medication I have alread suggested anti depressants to help her to just feel a bit better in the interim but she had a point, she said that apart from the fact that she didnt want to take anything, any medication isnt so effective or even dangerous with alcohol I believe. I wonder too if there isnt a genetic link, her father has alcohol issues.

If this isnt helpful we will have to look for a private therapist ... thanks all!