• Quote of the Day
    "You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness by
    giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged."
    Dale Carnegie, posted by Cat Dancer

drawrod

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Aug 13, 2005
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I often worry about (hopefully) irrational fears. Often I am overcome with fear that something bad will happen to me. Usually, this is linked to the worry that I will be blamed for something that I haven't done and I won't be believed despite telling the truth.

This may stem from being someone who likes to be as honest as possible; and I like things to be in black and white. Also, I hate gossip especially when it is not true.

Additionally I have experienced bullying on and off, the worse being in my older years. Here, I found these people would tell lies and hide their tracks or play the victim by making false statements.

Plus, I spend a lot of time by myself, stay indoors alot and I realise this contributes to these fearful feelings.

The question is, how can I move on and get on with my life before I waste it?

And how do I handle difficult people? Ignoring them (if anything it spurs them on) doesn't always work and sometimes you can't get away from such people unless you leave home/work/college.
 

ThatLady

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Nov 4, 2004
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Here's a website that offers some ideas:

http://mt.essortment.com/howtohandledi_riuu.htm

In my experience, they're right. The most effective way to deal with people who are purposefully being obstructive (or, who just have a lousy personality! ;) ) is to be so darned nice you boggle their minds. Here they are trying to get one-up on you, and you're smiling at them patiently. Sure does take the fun out of the negative action, eh?

As far as getting on with your life, hon...that's a matter of doing it. For some people, seeing a therapist can be helpful when taking those first steps toward freedom from past fears that continue to cripple us. Wanting things to be black and white could be the crux of many of your problems, since the world is painted in shades of grey. Expecting black and white is a prescription for disappointment.
 

drawrod

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Joined
Aug 13, 2005
Messages
11
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1
That is something I might try in future... but I came on this website today since I have feelings of anxiety as mentioned earlier. They are usually linked to having thoughts about being powerless in situations such as not being believed by the police (although I have ever been in trouble with the police or been to court.)

I also often worry about being made a scape goat for other people's actions or having lies told about me. I have some minor incidents like this of being falsely accused of things or at least I have been threatened that they would do this. I have also had many experiences of being contracticted about things that I haven't done or have done (if that makes much sence).
 

ThatLady

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I think we've all been subject, at one time or another, to lies told about us and untrue accusations directed at us. It's awful to have that happen to you, but it's going to happen. People are often unkind, or act on ulterior motives. We need to learn to rise above such people and go on with our lives. If you didn't do what you're accused of doing, the truth will usually win out in the long run if you just keep your wits about you and don't let your accuser get your goat.
 

Thelostchild

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Mar 11, 2006
Messages
669
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drawrod said:
I often worry about (hopefully) irrational fears. Often I am overcome with fear that something bad will happen to me. Usually, this is linked to the worry that I will be blamed for something that I haven't done and I won't be believed despite telling the truth.

Just wondering have you ever been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or have you ever experienced a bad childhood?

Plus, I spend a lot of time by myself, stay indoors alot and I realise this contributes to these fearful feelings.

I would think that you're putting your guard up for fear of being hurt. I do the same thing. I can't really give you good advice but I tried. Good luck.
 

Rosa

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Feb 11, 2006
Messages
414
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I just wanted to say welcome to the boards. I don't have all the answers you've come for but when you ask about how you go about changing, I would think you can do that slowly and at your own pace. Do you have a therapist? Talking to someone whos there face to face with you might be helpful and might help you build up your trust with others. There also might be some medications that help you not feel so vunrable (sp? ie. to not feel so much like an easy target for others) Getting outside some each day might also help.
I hope these ideas are helpful and again, welcome to the boards.
Rosa
 

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