Last night my partner was charged with stalking. Turns out he has had a problem with voyeurism, which he had thought was under control as it had not been an issue for several years (during the even in question he was completely legless drunk so the when the urge to look in a window came along he went with it). I only found out about any of this last night.
We have talked a little about it, not much yet. A big talk coming tonight after work. From what he has said: he says it is not so much a sexual thing (which implies it is partly sexual at least) but more just being able to look and see what you're not supposed to see. He doesn't much care what he sees.
I've ben researching a bit about voyeurism online today (as you can imagine) but as it is by no means his primary sexual interest (we have a great active normal healthy sex life) and has only occurred quite infrequently in several years I'm confused as to whether this would be considered Voyeurism or not.
I'm also unsure of how to feel. I'm not happy that he kept this from me, but I understand that shame (and he feels great shame) can mean keeping things like this a secret. I "get" why he kept it from me. I also feel that as far as aberrations go this is pretty mild (from what I currently understand to be true - if I find out more, then it may be different).
I want to support him, to get help if he needs it, and I don't want to leave him... But I am worried that I am letting my love for him cloud my judgement; that I "should" be horrified, that I "should" want to leave him.
Some feedback please?
We have talked a little about it, not much yet. A big talk coming tonight after work. From what he has said: he says it is not so much a sexual thing (which implies it is partly sexual at least) but more just being able to look and see what you're not supposed to see. He doesn't much care what he sees.
I've ben researching a bit about voyeurism online today (as you can imagine) but as it is by no means his primary sexual interest (we have a great active normal healthy sex life) and has only occurred quite infrequently in several years I'm confused as to whether this would be considered Voyeurism or not.
I'm also unsure of how to feel. I'm not happy that he kept this from me, but I understand that shame (and he feels great shame) can mean keeping things like this a secret. I "get" why he kept it from me. I also feel that as far as aberrations go this is pretty mild (from what I currently understand to be true - if I find out more, then it may be different).
I want to support him, to get help if he needs it, and I don't want to leave him... But I am worried that I am letting my love for him cloud my judgement; that I "should" be horrified, that I "should" want to leave him.
Some feedback please?