Yup, I'm done :)

[Jazzey]

I'm tired, I'm depressed and I'm done. I cannot keep living my life for others - I have urgent matters at work tomorrow - who knew??? I found out at the last minute, as always.

And yet, that's all I know. I had a lengthy conversation with my mother last night establishing al the reasons why I'm not a good person....She's soooo not wrong - I've been fighting it for over a year, knowing full well who I was and desperately trying to see someone else in this being. But I'm wrong, again.

I don't think I can keep this up- I just don't care enough and I trust others' opinions waaaay too much.

I'm done. I just cannot keep on this treck because I don't see an outlet.

:hug:this forum has been an real saving grace for quite some time. Thank you.

 

[forgetmenot]

Jazzey you are a good person don't let your mother or anyone tell you your not. Please if you are feeling suicidal please call crisis line and get help Call your therapist please don't harm yourself you have come so far Call emergency anyone but don't harm yourself. Your brother think of him what it will do to him Jazzey please hold on for him okay if you can't do it for yourself hold on for him.

 

[NicNak]

Hi Jazzey. Many people care about you. Please remember that.

Please consider going to the emergency at the hospital, please.

:friends:

Love always
NN :kiss2:

 

[forgetmenot]

Jazzey please allow the people here to help you to support you in the hard times. Please

 

[Jazzey]

Thank you Violet and NN...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare either one of you. :hug::hug:

I'm just a little tired. This will pass, as it always does.

 

[forgetmenot]

and if it doesn't please promise me Jazzey please you will call for help okay. You have helped so many people here Jazzey please promise me if it doesn't pass you will get help. Don't do anything drastic please call for help don't handle this on your own. I know you said crisis wasn't helpful to you but it depends on whom you get they were helpful to me Jazzey please try them again.

---------- Post added at 09:37 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:20 PM ----------

I don't know what to say Jazzey i want to help you please i hope you can find strength to get help please don't pass the pain on to your brother please stay strong.

 

[Jazzey]

I'm so sorry Violet. My posting tonight was more reactionary than anything else. I'm sorry. Please don't worry about me. I really am ok. I always am. :hug:

 

[forgetmenot]

Thanks for getting back to me Jazzey. I know you say your always okay thats what i say to but i know you are in pain. I also know you will do what right Jazzey if you need to. I am sorry you are in pain but thank you for getting back to me You don't know how much you help people here with your insight i was one of those people Jazzey and I hate to think you would not reach out when you need to. You are a good person so very kind and i just want you to know that you help me when i needed it so please let others help you when your down okay. You can't be strong all time right lean on others when you need to.

 

[Into The Light]

how about being done, but not with life?

how about instead being done with your mother? if that seems to drastic, how about making it being done with her, for now?

 

[Jazzey]

Thank you ITL. I don't disagree with your line of thinking. That's just not where I am tonight. I had an appointment with my psychologist today. I think the world of her.. But honestly, I can only control me right now. And when I'm angry (which she told me today was an 'easier' emotion -really???) it's me that I can't stand. I still do not understand how you get to "close to forty" and still be a dumbass...I don't understand that part of me...I'm repeating the same patterns/mistakes, over and over, and over again -even with all that I know now - I'm now just waiting for the Darwinian award

 

[Into The Light]

jazzey - you are not a dumbass. seriously. look at you! look at the job you do. the kinds of people you deal with! not everyone can do that. i know i couldn't.

you're putting yourself down and you don't deserve that. we all repeat certain patterns of behaviour because they are familiar, and it's easier than change. change is bloody difficult. i am still struggling with change, still skipping breakfast and still staying up way later than i should be.. still not doing all the things i should be doing (exercise, eat better) because it's change and change is HARD. change takes a lot of effort, and it has to go in small steps, or else it doesn't work.

you are being so hard on yourself, far too hard. would you say such a thing of someone else, struggling to cut out toxic parents from their life?

change is hard and takes a lot of time, effort, and perseverance. go easy on yourself. you are not a dumbass.

 

[Jazzey]

Thank you ITL..I've heard you tonight. I just have to process everything -but I did hear you - thank you. :hug::friends::heart:

 

[why]

You are a truly wonderful person :heart: A person with an incredible heart.

 

[Jazzey]

Sorry everyone - last night was just a really low point. I was saturated, tired. I am fine I just sometimes dip into those moods and last night was one of those times. Sorry.

 

[forgetmenot]

We all have those times Jazzey don't be sorry I am just glad you are alright hopefully today will be better take care.

 

[boi]

hey jazzey,
I agree with everything that was said here. You are a great person and I know this just by reading and getting to know you on this board. I hope you are feeling better and remember that people sometimes are so unhappy with themselves they sometimes try and bring you down as well. I know how family can be sometimes and I know how hard it is to set boundaries with parents especially. I cant say that I have any boundaries with my parents but it sounds like your mum is really bringing you down and you are the most important and your happiness is the most important. Maybe you can start with baby steps and as soon as she starts to make you feel bad dont let her continue and hang up. You are really really supportive to everyone else and I am not just saying that, I really feel you are a very good person and a very supportive friend. Take care of yourself first....