15 and suicidal

[xbeautifullyxbrokenx]

i am 15 and i have had depression for about one year now. and it really sucks!

at 1st i was just seeing the school counsellor... she is really nice and i still see her. but she had to call my mum because i had suicidal thoughts. I really wish that i hadnt have said anything to her and just kept the thoughts to my self! because now my life is 10x worse.

My mum has totally flipped out and watches me all the time. i have to sleep with my door open at night and i am only allowed 5 min to get changed!! i am not allowed to have private phone calls or go for walks by my self! and it really sucks!!<--- all this was following after she found what i was going to commit suicide with in my room!! i really wish she haddent found them! i wouldnt be here right now typing this, coz i would be dead!

i am quite happy to talk to the school counsellor, but all the other people that have become involved... i dont like them! i really hate going to psychiatrists, they are just weird and keep wanting me to go on medication! i dont want any medication. if it was up to me i wouldnt even be going to them.
but just because they wrecked plan A.... dont mean that there aint a plan B,C or D.
i see that i have a choice... to take my life or runnaway.

 

[Lana]

Hi xbeautifullyxbrokenx

If you carried out plan A, I wouldn't have had the pleasure of meeting you here and telling you that I think your handle, beautifully broken, is very pretty.

I know life can really suck at times. I totally hear you there. Life, thankfully, can be molded into what you want it to be. What would you want to change to have it as good as it was before your depression?

 

[ThatLady]

Plan A was a bad plan, beautiful. It was a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and that's ALWAYS a bad plan!

We here understand what you're going through, as many of us have been through similar times ourselves. It's not fun. It's not pretty. It seems like there's no answer, and sometimes we don't even know what the question is! However, there is something better. There is happy, healthy life after depression. There are a number of us here who have found that out, and several others who are in the process of making that difficult, but rewarding journey.

We'd love to help you along the way. We're here for you, and we do understand. We won't judge you, and we won't find you lacking. You're a person, just like the rest of us, seeking to find happiness in a difficult world.

If you can, share a bit more of your story with us ... when you're ready, of course. Chances are pretty good that someone here has had very similar experiences and can help you hugely.

Welcome to Psychlinks! We're glad you're here! :grouphug:

 

[Superiority Tails]

She is only trying to help and someday you may thank her. :hug: I wish you the best.

 

[Serenity]

I know it sucks to feel like this counsellor 'told on you' but - legally and ethically, she had to do that or she'd have found herself in real hot water. The great part is though, she obviously cares a great deal about you and so does your mother, and as you can see, other people who are here who don't even know you. I think people who think about killing themselves feel hopeless and although it doesn't feel like it right now, people are trying to reach you to give you hope.

You showed compassion for yourself just now by even writing here. If you let them, most folks especially on a site such as this, are only to happy to share their experience, strength and hope with you.

Luv yourself enough to share...if not here, with your counsellor and maybe even your mom.

Hugs
Serenity

 

[xbeautifullyxbrokenx]

aw no... i definetly do not hate my counsellor because she told my mum... not at all i knew that she was going to tell my mum, but i couldnt hold it in any more.

btu now i dont have any one to talk to, becuase my mum said that i can never see the counsellor again... i am seeing a few other people, but i really dont like them! well i do like them, but not as much as the counsellor!!!

 

[Cheyenne]

You can always talk to us here
If you don't mind my asking, why won't your mom let you see the counselor anymore? If you don't like the other people you're seeing then they can't really help you very much.

I'm way late on this, but, Welcome to the board!

I do hope you're feeling better.

 

[ThatLady]

What prompted your mother's decision that you couldn't see the counsellor again? Did you discuss this with your mother, at all? It doesn't seem like a good decision to me, and perhaps you mother will reconsider if she knows exactly how you feel, and how much you need this counsellor.

In the meantime, know we're thinking of you and sending lots of hugs. :grouphug: