David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
7 Ways to Stay Strong When Life Inflicts Pain
Marc and Angel Chernoff
October 2014
At some point, you will come to realize that living the good life involves some amount of necessary pain, and that there are more flavors of pain than ice cream and coffee combined?
There?s the little empty pain of leaving something behind ‒ graduating, taking the next step, walking out of a familiar, safe situation and into the excitement of the unknown. There?s the giant, whirling pain of life upsetting all of your big plans and expectations. There?s the little sharp pains of making a mistake, and the more obscure aches of success, when it doesn?t make you feel as good as you thought it would. There are the vicious, backstabbing pains of betrayal. The sweet little pains of finding others who are worthy of your time, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life as they grow and learn. There?s the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend or lover and help them face their problems.
And on the best of days, there are the subtle, tingling pains you feel throughout your body when you realize that you?re standing in a moment of sweet perfection, an instant of great achievement, or happiness, or laughter, which at the same time cannot possibly last ‒ and yet will remain with you for the rest of your life.
Everyone is down on pain, and when we experience it we usually say we?re having a bad day, because we forget something important about what were going through: Pain is for the living ? for those of us who still have the chance of a lifetime. Only the dead don?t feel it, because their time is already up.
So with this in mind, here are seven smart ways to stay strong when life inflicts pain:
1. View every challenge as an educational assignment. ? Ask yourself: ?What is this situation meant to teach me?? Every situation in our lives has a lesson to teach us. Some of these lessons include: To become stronger. To communicate more clearly. To trust your instincts. To express your love. To forgive. To know when to let go. To try something new. ( from the Adversity chapter of our book)
2. Remind yourself that you are not alone. ? To lose sleep worrying about a friend. To have trouble picking yourself up after someone lets you down. To feel like less because someone didn?t love you enough to stay. To be afraid to try something new for fear you?ll fail. None of this means you?re dysfunctional or crazy. It just means you?re human, and that you need a little time to right yourself. You are not alone. No matter how embarrassed or pathetic you feel about your own situation, there are others out there experiencing the same emotions. When you hear yourself say, ?I am all alone,? it is your mind trying to sell you a lie.
3. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven?t. ? You are who you are and you have what you have, right now. And it can?t be that bad, because otherwise you wouldn?t be able to read this. The important thing is simply to find one POSITIVE thought that inspires and helps you move forward. Hold on to it strongly, and focus on it. You may feel like you don?t have much, or anything at all, but you have your mind to inspire you. And that?s really all you need to start moving forward again.
4. Emotionally separate yourself from your problems. ? You are a living, breathing human being who is infinitely more complex than all of your individual problems added up together. And that means you?re more powerful than them ? you have the ability to change them, and to change the way you feel about them. ( from the Self-Love chapter of our book)
5. Consciously nurture your inner hope. ? A loss, a worry, an illness, a dream crushed ? no matter how deep your hurt or how high your aspirations, do yourself a favor and pause at least once a day, place your hands over your heart and say aloud, "Hope lives here."
6. Find a reason to laugh. ? Laugh at yourself often. Find the humor in whatever situation you?re in. Optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you.
7. Ask positive questions. ? If you ask negative questions, you will get negative answers. There are no positive answers to, ?Why me?? ?Why didn?t I?? ?What if?? etc. Would you allow someone else to ask you the demoralizing questions you sometimes ask yourself? I doubt it. So stop and swap them for questions that push you in a positive direction. For instance, ?What can I do right now to move forward?? ( from the Happiness chapter of our book)
And again, if you're struggling with any of these points, remember that you are not alone. We are all in this together. Many of us are right there with you, working hard to feel better, think more clearly, and keep our lives on track. This is precisely why Marc and I wrote our book, 1000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently. The book is filled with short, concise tips on how to do just that.
Marc and Angel Chernoff
October 2014
At some point, you will come to realize that living the good life involves some amount of necessary pain, and that there are more flavors of pain than ice cream and coffee combined?
There?s the little empty pain of leaving something behind ‒ graduating, taking the next step, walking out of a familiar, safe situation and into the excitement of the unknown. There?s the giant, whirling pain of life upsetting all of your big plans and expectations. There?s the little sharp pains of making a mistake, and the more obscure aches of success, when it doesn?t make you feel as good as you thought it would. There are the vicious, backstabbing pains of betrayal. The sweet little pains of finding others who are worthy of your time, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life as they grow and learn. There?s the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend or lover and help them face their problems.
And on the best of days, there are the subtle, tingling pains you feel throughout your body when you realize that you?re standing in a moment of sweet perfection, an instant of great achievement, or happiness, or laughter, which at the same time cannot possibly last ‒ and yet will remain with you for the rest of your life.
Everyone is down on pain, and when we experience it we usually say we?re having a bad day, because we forget something important about what were going through: Pain is for the living ? for those of us who still have the chance of a lifetime. Only the dead don?t feel it, because their time is already up.
So with this in mind, here are seven smart ways to stay strong when life inflicts pain:
1. View every challenge as an educational assignment. ? Ask yourself: ?What is this situation meant to teach me?? Every situation in our lives has a lesson to teach us. Some of these lessons include: To become stronger. To communicate more clearly. To trust your instincts. To express your love. To forgive. To know when to let go. To try something new. ( from the Adversity chapter of our book)
2. Remind yourself that you are not alone. ? To lose sleep worrying about a friend. To have trouble picking yourself up after someone lets you down. To feel like less because someone didn?t love you enough to stay. To be afraid to try something new for fear you?ll fail. None of this means you?re dysfunctional or crazy. It just means you?re human, and that you need a little time to right yourself. You are not alone. No matter how embarrassed or pathetic you feel about your own situation, there are others out there experiencing the same emotions. When you hear yourself say, ?I am all alone,? it is your mind trying to sell you a lie.
3. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven?t. ? You are who you are and you have what you have, right now. And it can?t be that bad, because otherwise you wouldn?t be able to read this. The important thing is simply to find one POSITIVE thought that inspires and helps you move forward. Hold on to it strongly, and focus on it. You may feel like you don?t have much, or anything at all, but you have your mind to inspire you. And that?s really all you need to start moving forward again.
4. Emotionally separate yourself from your problems. ? You are a living, breathing human being who is infinitely more complex than all of your individual problems added up together. And that means you?re more powerful than them ? you have the ability to change them, and to change the way you feel about them. ( from the Self-Love chapter of our book)
5. Consciously nurture your inner hope. ? A loss, a worry, an illness, a dream crushed ? no matter how deep your hurt or how high your aspirations, do yourself a favor and pause at least once a day, place your hands over your heart and say aloud, "Hope lives here."
6. Find a reason to laugh. ? Laugh at yourself often. Find the humor in whatever situation you?re in. Optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you.
7. Ask positive questions. ? If you ask negative questions, you will get negative answers. There are no positive answers to, ?Why me?? ?Why didn?t I?? ?What if?? etc. Would you allow someone else to ask you the demoralizing questions you sometimes ask yourself? I doubt it. So stop and swap them for questions that push you in a positive direction. For instance, ?What can I do right now to move forward?? ( from the Happiness chapter of our book)
And again, if you're struggling with any of these points, remember that you are not alone. We are all in this together. Many of us are right there with you, working hard to feel better, think more clearly, and keep our lives on track. This is precisely why Marc and I wrote our book, 1000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently. The book is filled with short, concise tips on how to do just that.
