David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
A Relapse Isn't a Start-Over
Therese J. Borchard
May 19, 2010
Spiritual author Henry Nouwen writes:
This is something I struggle with often, especially as I'm surfacing from a depressive cycle. I have two good days and then have a day where I'm back to breaking my day into hours so that I can get through it.
I can see the progress in my friends. Like my friend who lost her husband a year and a half ago. She had a day recently where she missed him with the intensity that she did those first ways as a widow. "I'm back at the beginning," she said to me.
"No you're not. You haven't called me in tears for over four months. Do you realize that? Frankly, I'm surprised you haven't had more bad days like this. You just feel like it's the beginning because, compared to how good you've been feeling, it is a huge let down. But you're not at the starting line. Nowhere even close."
Today I'm reminding myself of the same thing.
All of my boundaries have ditched me for a party somewhere I'm not invited. My discipline applied for a foreign-exhange program and has been gone the last month. And my happy cap got eaten by the dog.
But I have to remember in this backslide that I've only taken two steps back, not 1,000 meters. Even though, to my mind, it feels the same.
Therese J. Borchard
May 19, 2010
Spiritual author Henry Nouwen writes:
When suddenly you seem to lose all you thought you had gained, do not despair. Your healing is not a straight line. You must expect setbacks and regressions. Don't say to yourself, "All is lost. I have to start all over again." This is not true. What you have gained, you have gained.
Sometimes little things build up and make you lose ground for a moment. Fatigue, a seemingly cold remark, someone's inability to hear you, someone's innocent forgetfulness, which feels like rejection--when all these come together, they can make you feel as if you are right back where you started. But try to think about it instead as being pulled off the road for awhile. When you return to the road, you return to the place where you left it, not to where you started.
That's so important to remember. That whenever we start to slip and lose ground, we aren't sent back to the starting line. No way. We've made too much progress to be dumped back there in the garbage pit.Sometimes little things build up and make you lose ground for a moment. Fatigue, a seemingly cold remark, someone's inability to hear you, someone's innocent forgetfulness, which feels like rejection--when all these come together, they can make you feel as if you are right back where you started. But try to think about it instead as being pulled off the road for awhile. When you return to the road, you return to the place where you left it, not to where you started.
This is something I struggle with often, especially as I'm surfacing from a depressive cycle. I have two good days and then have a day where I'm back to breaking my day into hours so that I can get through it.
I can see the progress in my friends. Like my friend who lost her husband a year and a half ago. She had a day recently where she missed him with the intensity that she did those first ways as a widow. "I'm back at the beginning," she said to me.
"No you're not. You haven't called me in tears for over four months. Do you realize that? Frankly, I'm surprised you haven't had more bad days like this. You just feel like it's the beginning because, compared to how good you've been feeling, it is a huge let down. But you're not at the starting line. Nowhere even close."
Today I'm reminding myself of the same thing.
All of my boundaries have ditched me for a party somewhere I'm not invited. My discipline applied for a foreign-exhange program and has been gone the last month. And my happy cap got eaten by the dog.
But I have to remember in this backslide that I've only taken two steps back, not 1,000 meters. Even though, to my mind, it feels the same.
