Abusive mother

[Selinna]

I almost succumbed to my mother's persuasions that everything is just my fictitious idea, until I found literature and this site where I recognized her behaviour as a mental and emotional abuse; a typical one, like from a textbook.

It goes on for more than twenty years, and lately I am on the bottom trying to make my days happier with help of alcohol. I cought myself talking to self in public - spontaneously imagining a heated conversation with the mother about our sick relation.

When I start talking about our tense relationship to other family members, she went on spreading a word that I suffer from a deep complex of lesser value, feel insecure, have fictitious ideas, blaming mom since she is the closest to me.
Several time she suggested to me to visit a psychologist in order to get rid of my imaginary problems with her.

Now my sister who naturally believes our mother, looks at me with pity, and she too suggests to seek a professional... mom won't do such a thing to her child, would she ? Of course not - she is a mother, right ?

I don't know how to point to this site and literature which describe things I was talking about for years, in order to get them know I have a proof of the abuse. At least the proof to myself that I am not crazy. I am afraid it will again end up as I am imagining things described here and in the books.

I don't even know what to do and where to go since I have to be in contact with the mother because sister lives on the other coast.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Re: Article about an abusive mother

Selinna, have you thought about seeing a counselor or therapist, not to "get rid of imaginary problems with your mother" but rather for help on learning better less destructive ways of coping with her? Is that feasible at all for you?

 

[Jazzey]

Hi Selinna,

Sometimes, it's hard for siblings to hear certain things. For ten years, my brother tried to convince me about my mother's problems, and I just didn't want to/ or couldn't hear him at that time. I really thought he was being hard on her.

I hear him now loud and clear, and I recognize what he's been trying to tell me for so long. Sometimes, it just takes certain people a little longer to understand because they're not ready.And, sometimes, some siblings will never hear what we're saying.

I agree with Dr. Baxter, if there's any way that you can access therapy, I think it would help you - just so that you can sort it out for yourself. It helped me tremendously in appreciating the what? and the why? of everything I'd been doing for a decade...

 

[Selinna]

Thank you for responses. Probably I need some counseling. I will try to find a psychologist who will show me a way either to stop her behaving like that, or teach me to resist my negative emotions, being radically upset because of her abuse.