Anger at deceased parents

[Rosa]

Yesterday while driving to work I was thinking about not being able to get angry at my parents for what they did...I wondering what if they were here....how would I react? Well the first response was 'I'd kill them" then I thought "I wouldn't do that, I wouldn't kill anyone, but I would be soooo mad" I could then imagine myself standing up to them as an adult.? I would drag my mother through every court in the system-I would make her pay for what she did. I would also stand up to my? father and tell him how sick it made me to look at him!!! I would say soooo much, but the problem is they are dead.? Its almost as if by being dead they are getting off. I can't write anymore but does this make since?
Rosa

 

[Cat Dancer]

Re: What if their dead?

I'm really sorry for your hurt.

And yes , it does make sense.

 

[ThatLady]

Re: What if their dead?

Yesterday while driving to work I was thinking about not being able to get angry at my parents for what they did...I wondering what if they were here....how would I react? Well the first response was 'I'd kill them" then I thought "I wouldn't do that, I wouldn't kill anyone, but I would be soooo mad" I could then imagine myself standing up to them as an adult. I would drag my mother through every court in the system-I would make her pay for what she did. I would also stand up to my father and tell him how sick it made me to look at him!!! I would say soooo much, but the problem is they are dead. Its almost as if by being dead they are getting off. I can't write anymore but does this make since?
Rosa

Of course, it makes sense, hon. You've got every reason to be furious. Who wouldn't be?

Now, even though your parents are deceased, there is a way to relieve your need to "have your say". Write them a letter. I've written a couple of "letters to the dead" and told the deceased just exactly how I felt about their behaviors while they were still alive. It does allow you to get it off your chest, and you can store that letter (to re-read later) or burn it...whichever makes you feel better. Try it. You might just be surprised how good it feels to let it all out.

 

[sister-ray]

I am currently writing letters to my dad regarding issues both past and present, its a good way of letting things go, I write the letter, keep it for a few days and then rip it up, it does feel good to get it all out and then destroy it.

Best wishes TTE

 

[Rosa]

Thanks for your replys. I'll discuss this with my doctor as letter writing sounds like a really good idea. Right this moment I don't want to take any changes of throwing myself into a bad state of mind.
It is hard because it seems like they got off way to easy, but even as I write that it seems like a cruel thing for me to say. Don't get me wrong, I did not love them-I did not know love but theres still something there that says but they were my parents. go fiquire.
Thanks again
Rosa

 

[Rosa]

Ever since posting this post I've been having anxiety problems. I don't know what is wrong with me but now I'm getting stressed out again. I really hate this. I just feel so messed up.
Rosa

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Try pushing it to the side for now, until you can talk to your therapist about it at your next session.

Go back to whatever relaxation or meditation techniques work for you - perhaps that "safe place" discussed in another thread, which I believe for you was your dogs.

 

[Rosa]

thanks...I just took a long nap with my dogs. I'm taking your advise to put this aside til I see my doctor.
Rosa

 

[Rosa]

Just an update...putting this topic aside til I saw my doctor was good advise. I saw my doctor today and I'm kind of pushing myself a little too much at times sending myself into a bad place. Right now the emphasis is in getting and keeping me stable
Rosa

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Right now the emphasis is in getting and keeping me stable

Write that on an index card and put it on your fridge or bedside table, Rosa...

 

[Rosa]

Good idea..I'll do it now.
Be well
Rosa