Angry at my doctors

[Jazzey]

Hi Charity,

I'm sorry you're going through all of this. I can see how you feel this is unfair.

I'm unsure of what sound advice I can give you. When I read this post, I can feel your anger and frustration. In my experience though, if you let others feel the anger that you're currently feeling, you're no further ahead. You lose credibility and people don't tend to want to bend over backwards if they feel you're angry and frustrated. We all do the best we can.

So - I'm sending you positive vibes and I'm happy that you're posting here. Feel free to lean on us as much as you need to right now.

 

[Charity]

Yes, Jazzey... Though I'm at work, and therefore presumably supposed to be working, this is where I've been all day-- right here on this forum. I may be doing poorly now, but I can't say what state I might be in if I couldn't at least get some of this out of my system to others who I know have endured some things themselves.

 

[Jazzey]

I come here a lot Charity - I lean on others here for much of the same reasons you do. I'm happy you found us.

Is there anything that you think would help aleviate things for you right now?

Keep posting here Charity - sometimes it's good to vent.

 

[Retired]

Charity,

I can only echo the sound advice Jazzey has offered:

if you let others feel the anger that you're currently feeling, you're no further ahead. You lose credibility and people don't tend to want to bend over backwards if they feel you're angry and frustrated.

There's that old saw, that you get more bees with honey than with vinegar..or something like that.

The point is, people tend to respond to you in the way you approach them.

We understand your frustration and anger, but when asking people to help, most will go out of their way when approached with respect and dignity rather than with anger and resentment.

The health care system is frequently overloaded and health care workers are often tired and overworked.

Glad you have started your medication. Please have a look at this Psychlinks post on improving the effectiveness of your anti depressant which outlines the steps you can take.

What's important is that you stick with it, and be patient for the time it takes (usually 4 to 6 weeks) for the relief to begin. It takes that time for the medication to reset the balance of brain chemistry.

Sometimes your doctor will need to fine tune the dose, and sometimes even change the medication until the right medication/dose if found for you.

There is no "one size fits all" in treating depression, and every treatment has to be custom tailored for each person.

Your best advice in connection with your medication treatment at this point is to keep your hopes high, and your expectations low.

Your illness is treatable, and by working with your doctor and your loving husband's support, it should get better.

 

[Charity]

Thanks to each and every one of you for your patience. (I'm glad I've finally calmed down enough to be able to feel and say that!)

I feel a little better than before. My boss just made his visit, and we talked a bit. I explained to him (without going into TOO much detail) what's been going on with my health lately. I was so afraid of his reaction, but it turns out that his son has been having quite a bit of trouble lately with OCD, handwashing and such, so he was very kind about it. He said that I'm one of his best workers, and even if I'm not 100% right now, I'm still performing at the same level or even better than many of the others do just as a matter of course. If I need time off, he said, just call in sick. If I run out of sick time, we can use up my vacation time. If I run out of that, there's always stuff like FMLA leave and short-term disability, those sorts of things. He went out of his way to make it clear that I wouldn't be penalized in any way for taking time for my health. I think I'm lucky enough to have a pretty good boss.

I also got a little of the Xanax into my system, once they finally decided to dole out my portion as I posted earlier. It's amazing how much rage a tiny little pill can absorb, and how much that helps one to think straight.

This is the first time today that I've felt like I am thinking halfway clearly, and not feeling the urge to hit or scream or throw things. My boss helped, the medication helped-- AND, having a place to talk openly about these things has helped me most of all. There's no one out here in real life I could speak to about this stuff. I'd be willing to bet money that this is a relatively small calm patch in a very stormy sky, so I just wanted to say a few rational words to you all while I have the chance. Thanks again for your patience and support.

 

[Jazzey]

I'm so happy for you Charity!!:thewave: I'm happy your meeting went well with your boss and that he was so understanding - one less stressor!

And I really am happy that we could all help you a little during this difficult time.

 

[Sparrow]

Hello Charity,
I only scanned the replies, but your initial thread jumped right out at me.
This doctor that you see works in your own hospital workplace? He works where you work? Maybe there's a practical reason for it, time, money, distance, availability or something.
(When I was military, I had a Dr. who also was)
To me it would be waaaaay to close for comfort.
It would scare the heck out me! I'd go to another hospital, city, county, anywhere, or else I would just suffer.
It's the at "arms-length" missing to me which could lead to conflict of interest or a whole can of worms.
Maybe I just take confidentiality to the extreme or something.
:support: to you Charity.
You hang in there because your damn worth it!

:budgie:
==========================================================

Just caught your late post C. That's GREAT that your meeting worked out!:yahoo:

 

[Daniel E.]

It's the at "arms-length" missing to me which could lead to conflict of interest or a whole can of worms.
Maybe I just take confidentiality to the extreme or something.

At least in the U.S., confidentiality is taken very, very seriously with HIPAA regulations, etc. People are fired on the first offense sometimes and that does not preclude legal civil action, etc.

 

[Charity]

It does make things a little uncomfortable at times, but there aren't a lot of other options for me. The town I live in is very small, around 3200 people, and this is the only hospital. There are one or two other small doctor's offices, but the only doctor in town with any special knowledge or interest in mental health works right here.

It's a complicated situation, because though I do work here at the hospital, I'm not an employee of the hospital. I work for an outside company that's been contracted by the hospital to take care of all sorts of miscellaneous document services. So, though I work closely every day with the employees of the hospital and consider them my co-workers, I'm not exactly one of them, either. That's how it happens that I'm the only employee of my company here at this site; my company has sites all over the country within other businesses. I get confused myself at times; I do tend to think of myself as actually working for the hospital, because I sort of do.... but then again I don't. It's a little weird.

I agree that it can be a bad thing to work here where my doctor is sometimes. The people who work upstairs in the hospital's clinic see me at my worst-- like last night, when they tried to keep me. Now here I am, the next day, walking in and out of their offices, working on projects with them, dealing with them in an entirely different context. I often wonder what they're secretly thinking of me during the workday, knowing what they see when I'm here in the role of patient. I'm just glad that I'm not the sort of person to be embarassed or ashamed like some people are-- the people who would freely admit to cancer or diabetes but go to great lengths to conceal a mental disorder. I don't think I'd be able to handle the situation if I saw things that way; I'd be ashamed to show my face here.

On the other hand, it's rather convenient! I can schedule an appointment for my lunch hour, or for right after my shift ends, and simply walk up the stairs from my office to the clinic. Sometimes I do run into my doctors in the hallways, and I can tell them anything urgent that's on my mind without having to wait weeks for an opening in their schedule for a real appointment. So yeah, it's a good thing and a bad one at the same time. So far, the good has outweighed the bad enough to make it a tolerable setup for me.

 

[Jazzey]

Sometimes I do run into my doctors in the hallways, and I can tell them anything urgent that's on my mind without having to wait weeks for an opening in their schedule for a real appointment. So yeah, it's a good thing and a bad one at the same time. So far, the good has outweighed the bad enough to make it a tolerable setup for me

I would view your proximity as an advantage too. And, in my experience at least, doctors are really professional - they know by which ethical duties they're bound with respect to confidentiality. So, that's never been a concern in my books.

 

[Sparrow]

Daniel,
Most.. of the time, it is in my vested interest to take my personal affairs and confidentiality much stringently than the integrity of any third party (or government HIPPA?). But I'm drifting off topic.
Wanted to say to C. again... :2thumbs::2thumbs:
Just caught your lastest post. And it's with an open mind that I can appreciate your circumstances, distance, location, etc.
Keep the faith.

:budgie: