Angry at Therapist

[Jesse910]

I blew it last week with my therapist of several years. In talking about several dreams I've had about my grandfather and mom who are gone, my therapist inquired whether my Mom had just given up. It was a statement -- not an accusation. However, it angered me that anyone would ever think of my Mom as a quiter. She was a Type A+. However, within two years of getting sick, her health deteriorated somewhat rapidly. In the final year, as she lost her ability to drive, handle her own affairs without help, lost the ability to groom and care for her personal needs and required 24 hour care, she started to refuse food, water, or any other beverage. She was a great cook, but was relegated to a regimented diet that didn't include salt and other spices or types of food. She was miserable. What I view as taking a stand/control, the therapist saw it as not trying. It was a knee jerk reaction and within moments, I started crying because I felt that I had to defend my Mom.

The anger didn't dissipate over the weekend. When I called my therapist, I was still mad. A part of me knows that she's right, but I don't want my Mom to be known as a quitter. I'm sorry, but I feel like a 10 year-old child with this and I know that I need to get over it. If someone could just slap me into reality, I might be in better shape. I'm usually more rational than this, but this one has caused me some discomfort. Thanks for listening.

 

[ladylore]

Hey Jesse,

I don't think getting angry with your therapist is unusual - in fact, quite normal. It's a great way to learn how to handle conflict, survive and have that relationship intact. You may want to bring it up at your next session that you were angry and why so you can work through it.

Therapy is the safest way to get in touch with anger. Great job.:goodjob:

 

[Halo]

:agree: :goodpost:

 

[Jesse910]

Well then, I'll just have to buck up and deal. I've got 5 1/2 hours to stress over my appointment!

 

[Halo]

Good luck with your appointment and I hope that you are able to talk about some the anger that you feel.

Let us know how it goes

 

[Jesse910]

I dreaded the session and expected to be clobbered. However, she was more relaxed than I. Everything eventually returns to the fact that I expect her to react negatively and to cut me down. She didn't The fact that she wasn't confrontational left me with a feeling of unsettledness. It's like breaking a window in your parent's home and waiting for them to come yell at you. And, when they don't yell, you don't know how to react. Bottom-line, it's my issue and not the therapist's.

 

[Into The Light]

it may be your issue but that doesn't mean you have to stop talking about it with your therapist. you could bring this up how you feel right now - that you don't know how to react now.

 

[Persephone]

What strickes me from your post is this sentence : "It's like breaking a window in your parent's home and waiting for them to come yell at you". If I understood correctly, you just expressed your anger to your therapist. I don't see and "broken window" in this action. I just see an attempt to communicate to your therapist what is happening to you. Maybe that is why she was so cool with this.
Just some thoughts. I agree with Into the light. Maybe it will be helpful to share with your therapist how you feel right now about this.

 

[Jesse910]

Thanks to you both for responding. My life continues to be in a state of flux re attempting to sell my mother's property, dealing with the former real estate agent who was a friend of my mom's, an inability to communicate with my brother because of our personality clashes before and post our mom's passing, and a husband who expects me to fix everything and make his life comfortable. My therapist's personality is opposite my Mom's and at times, it feels like I'm interacting with the Mom I know in my heart and lived with and the therapist who chooses to be honest, forthright and compassionate. It is hard for me to accept those things from her. She is not the problem. It is me. And, I need to figure out how to quiet my mind so that I can find a clearer path. I don't mean to be cumbersome here or to make this more than it is. I've got a lot on my plate and I can't dump it anywhere. What I do know is that eventually, the road will become clear and I will get through this time. I guess the one thing that I do have going for me is that I'm not currently fighting depression.

Take care and thank you for your thoughts.