More threads by wickedstepmother


I've been diagnosed with "features of general anxiety disorder and features of OCD." To make a long story short, I experience irrational, obsessive jealousy of my stepson. I've known him for 10 years and he's now 16 and living with us. He's recently become an honours student and started a rock band with friends. The father of one of the friends owns a recording studio and has connections in the music world, so this band may get off the ground. OK, here's the crazy part: I'm pathologically jealous of my stepson's success. On some primitive level, I guess, I fear that his success will make my husband value him more than the two kids we have together. I wish my stepson well, but I DON'T WANT HIM TO DO BETTER THAN MY OWN TWO KIDS! Every time I hear him playing his guitar I experience a tightness in my chest. On one occasion, when he got a 90% on a poem he wrote, I practically had a panic attack. Please be assured that I HATE having these feelings and have totally shielded my stepson from them. I wish I could rewire myself so as not to experience obsessive worries about my stepson's future success and anxiety reactions every time he has a success. I'm currently on antidepressants and undergoing cognitive behavioral therapy in an effort to handle/overcome these feelings, but so far not much has changed. It almost seems as though my anxiety reaction bypasses my brain, or at least the "higher" parts of my brain. The time from stimulus (e.g. stepson playing his bass guitaar) to response (e.g., my chest tightening) is just a split second. I hope you don't dismiss me as an evil person, cybername notwithstanding. I'm open to any and all suggestions and insights.

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