alwayswondering
Member
First of all, hello! I'm in my late teens and I've had OCD almost my entire life. It's been mostly associated with fear of vomiting/diarrhea/bathroom related. When I was even as young as 2, I would go 2 weeks at a time without using the bathroom until my parents would put laxatives in my food and drinks to make me, because it was making me physically ill almost. I remember being even 6 years old and trying to sleep in the car when we'd go on the express way because I was terrified I would have to go to the bathroom and we wouldn't have anywhere to stop. In kindergarten I would make myself almost vomit every day during nap time because I would think so much about the times I had thrown up.
But if anything, this has ruined my life. In elementary/middle school, it was mostly my fear of vomiting. I wouldn't want to go places or go anywhere, really, because I was worried I would suddenly come down with a stomach virus and be vomiting and wouldn't be able to leave where I was, and would embarrass myself in front of this other person or people I was around. I even had a mild surgical procedure performed on me in the hospital because I was constantly feeling nauseated, and the results came back perfectly fine. The doctor suggested homeschooling me, because I was literally making myself sick. I stayed in school though, and I was seeing a counselor and on some medication for OCD and depressing at 14. My obsession at the time was hand washing...I would wash my hands until they were raw.
My symptoms calmed down a little bit around my sophomore year, and even though I had thoughts of getting sick I was able to ignore them. It wasn't until May of my sophomore year that things went into overdrive. I started medication for ADD around finals (prescribed to me) and it helped me focus, but threw my body and mind out of whack. I started experiencing horrible diarrhea at random times, and there were times I saw blood in my stool and even one time where there was ONLY blood. If I ate, I had about 5 minutes before the food literally ran right through me most of the time, and so of course this made me extremely uneasy about leaving my house or going anywhere. By the end of May, I was terrified to leave my house. All summer, I would almost be in a panic just driving to a local grocery store or going to a friend's house. Of course I lost many of my friends because they couldn't sit around for me to be okay with going over to their house, and I became a loner. I went to New York during the summer and was terrified a portion of the time, because I didn't know where bathrooms were and I didn't know how I'd make it to one in such a big city or on trains and subways. I was fine, but of course the terror was still with me even though I enjoyed the trip.
But it's been a year since then, and I'm about to enter my senior year. I'm still having these symptoms, even though they aren't physical they're mental. My stomach does have a few times a month where it will get "upset", and I almost live my life around those times. It's always on my mind. It's so terrible, because I'm going into my last year of high school and want to have FUN. I'm sick of all of the "what if's" that are constantly on my mind, and I'm tired of being a prisoner in my own body. Any advice?
Here are some things that happened in my life I can clearly remember, that may have triggered my OCD:
1) my parents both have sensitive stomachs, and there have been many times where they've had to urgently go to the bathroom and times where they both have almost not made it.
2) in kindergarten, i had an accident (#2) during naptime one day, because my teacher wouldn't allow students to use the bathroom during naptime. There were times the students were even punished for having to use the restroom during nap time, like they couldn't watch whatever movie we were watching in class that day or so on. So of course, one day I really had to go and wasn't able to.
3) The same year, I was on my way home from Disney World (driving) and I got suddenly violently ill and was vomiting and was in a car, and had to drive all the way home with a stomach virus.
4) I remember being about 7, and it was Halloween and I was walking around the neighborhood and suddenly had to go NOW. I ran all the way home and got to my bathroom, just to not be able to undo my belt. My mom had to help me and I made it, but it is still something that stuck out.
Any advice? I'm thinking about going back on medication so I can enjoy my senior year. Any medications anyone's on that really help but have little side effects? It wouldn't be very useful to go on medication because I'm afraid of diarrhea and then have the side affects be nausea and diarrhea...
thank you all so much!
EDIT: Something else I forgot to mention. I HATE public bathrooms. I hate hearing people go, or having people hear me go. I am disgusted with hearing other people go, especially #2, and I can't just go without having the water turned on or something. Also, I hate being in cars or in places that I feel "trapped", like if I have to go to the bathroom I couldn't get out of the situation to go. Thanks!
But if anything, this has ruined my life. In elementary/middle school, it was mostly my fear of vomiting. I wouldn't want to go places or go anywhere, really, because I was worried I would suddenly come down with a stomach virus and be vomiting and wouldn't be able to leave where I was, and would embarrass myself in front of this other person or people I was around. I even had a mild surgical procedure performed on me in the hospital because I was constantly feeling nauseated, and the results came back perfectly fine. The doctor suggested homeschooling me, because I was literally making myself sick. I stayed in school though, and I was seeing a counselor and on some medication for OCD and depressing at 14. My obsession at the time was hand washing...I would wash my hands until they were raw.
My symptoms calmed down a little bit around my sophomore year, and even though I had thoughts of getting sick I was able to ignore them. It wasn't until May of my sophomore year that things went into overdrive. I started medication for ADD around finals (prescribed to me) and it helped me focus, but threw my body and mind out of whack. I started experiencing horrible diarrhea at random times, and there were times I saw blood in my stool and even one time where there was ONLY blood. If I ate, I had about 5 minutes before the food literally ran right through me most of the time, and so of course this made me extremely uneasy about leaving my house or going anywhere. By the end of May, I was terrified to leave my house. All summer, I would almost be in a panic just driving to a local grocery store or going to a friend's house. Of course I lost many of my friends because they couldn't sit around for me to be okay with going over to their house, and I became a loner. I went to New York during the summer and was terrified a portion of the time, because I didn't know where bathrooms were and I didn't know how I'd make it to one in such a big city or on trains and subways. I was fine, but of course the terror was still with me even though I enjoyed the trip.
But it's been a year since then, and I'm about to enter my senior year. I'm still having these symptoms, even though they aren't physical they're mental. My stomach does have a few times a month where it will get "upset", and I almost live my life around those times. It's always on my mind. It's so terrible, because I'm going into my last year of high school and want to have FUN. I'm sick of all of the "what if's" that are constantly on my mind, and I'm tired of being a prisoner in my own body. Any advice?
Here are some things that happened in my life I can clearly remember, that may have triggered my OCD:
1) my parents both have sensitive stomachs, and there have been many times where they've had to urgently go to the bathroom and times where they both have almost not made it.
2) in kindergarten, i had an accident (#2) during naptime one day, because my teacher wouldn't allow students to use the bathroom during naptime. There were times the students were even punished for having to use the restroom during nap time, like they couldn't watch whatever movie we were watching in class that day or so on. So of course, one day I really had to go and wasn't able to.
3) The same year, I was on my way home from Disney World (driving) and I got suddenly violently ill and was vomiting and was in a car, and had to drive all the way home with a stomach virus.
4) I remember being about 7, and it was Halloween and I was walking around the neighborhood and suddenly had to go NOW. I ran all the way home and got to my bathroom, just to not be able to undo my belt. My mom had to help me and I made it, but it is still something that stuck out.
Any advice? I'm thinking about going back on medication so I can enjoy my senior year. Any medications anyone's on that really help but have little side effects? It wouldn't be very useful to go on medication because I'm afraid of diarrhea and then have the side affects be nausea and diarrhea...
thank you all so much!
EDIT: Something else I forgot to mention. I HATE public bathrooms. I hate hearing people go, or having people hear me go. I am disgusted with hearing other people go, especially #2, and I can't just go without having the water turned on or something. Also, I hate being in cars or in places that I feel "trapped", like if I have to go to the bathroom I couldn't get out of the situation to go. Thanks!
