• Quote of the Day
    "The voice of negativity says, 'Get real'. The voice of possibility says 'Get started'."
    Donna Satchell, posted by littlerabbit

MHealthJo

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I think these things don't get organised and set up with a letter unless everything really is approved and ready to go ahead. Somebody for some reason changing the plan after it has been all approved and set up like it is now, would be a waste of the resources that have been used to set it up. (I mean sometimes timing changes happen for some reason, like scheduling errors or something.... but I see no reason why anything could happen like actual full cancellation or withdrawal of the whole thing. Unless there was like a big huge change of government or funding all of a sudden or something really huge like that. And even if something huge like that stuff happened, it usually doesn't happen in a sudden way, and would not usually affect things already scheduled and close to happening.

I think it's really hard to accept good, when you have lived your life locked in acceptance that things will always go wrong and be bad and you will never, ever get what you need or want. Things seeming to go differently can make you get nervous. You're just waiting for the bad to happen somehow and trying to figure out how you will feel! Yes, very stressful to feel that way. There have been threads here on that exact feeling. You are not alone LW, you are understood because definitely there are people here who have written about that and definitely know what you mean.

I think you will gradually start to get a little more used to some good things happening LW and not feel the stress of "looking out for bad" as much.

There will still be hard stuff and letdowns too, because they do happen in life to all of us....no matter how much we take care of ourselves and break out of old patterns and learn to recognize and steer clear of untrustworthy/selfish/dishonest people and stuff... we all still can make a mistake or not recognize a pitfall, and also just through no mistake of our own, as they say,
"$hi+ happens!" But also because it does take quite a bit of time and ongoing work to learn and learn and get confident with our abilities of taking care of ourselves, finding good things and people instead of not-so-good things and people, etc. But bit by bit, you can bet it gets better and better. You will find yourself seeing the signs more easily and saying "Whoops, uh-oh! That's a sign for me to move along... There, I've avoided that pothole this time! Better my own company than trouble company. Plenty of time to seek out the good eggs and safe situations." And your self-worth improving will help you start knowing that you are not stuck with trouble options... realizing that your options are getting wider and that there are various safe ways to interact or connect while keeping boundaries and safeguards against many problems.

There will always be bumps in the road but you will gradually get more and more confidence LW and feel more and more like you are on steadier ground. And you will get good at remembering various tools and ideas and options for the bumpy times, and discovering new ones too. We will be here too for bumpy times or just questions or learning or whatever too. :)🌄🌞🌻
 

MHealthJo

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"Is it ok to be looking forward to getting it done or is that weird?"

Sorry, I forgot about this question LW!

I think we generally are always going to feel good about something that we feel will makes us feel more "ourselves" and more comfortable in our own skin. So it does make sense to be looking forward to it! Even though it's a big thing too and big things always tend to be scary somewhat or can stir up lots of different feelings.
 

Lonewolf

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Feeling very alone with it all today!! Nervousness building up!! Just need a big hug right now!! Why? This is what I have wanted for most of my life!! It's going to be the start of something good, I can look forward to being the person I know I can be!! But still I am worried!! I am scared!! There it is, I am scared!! Don't want to admit it, but I am very scared!! I can say that here!! I can't let anyone in my life know that apart from here!! Thing is I'm confused about what I'm frightened of? The operation? Straight after I the operation, recovering? I don't think that it could be a negative thing to have it done, it's definitely positive!! I don't understand what on earth is going on inside me? I trust the Dr's to do whatever needs to be done, I trust the people that have helped me to get here!! But I am still nervous!! It's little over a week away now!! Am excited to be having it done so I can get on with my life! Everything is positive!! Yet I am so emotional about it!!

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MHealthJo

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Glad that you are not alone, that you are sharing this experience with us and that we can hear your feelings. Sometimes just being alone with an experience or feelings is part of what is hard. So, glad that your feelings can be heard.
 

MHealthJo

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I wonder if it feels like saying goodbye to a past part of you a bit, and that past part of you, even though you don't really identify with it.... it does have feelings a bit, or something? I have no idea though.....

......

"Past LW," you always did matter and have worth.... being treated wrongly does not affect that. Your feelings are welcome......

"Past LW", Your feelings still exist and are still there, this operation does not change that... Those feelings can be talked about anytime and can be seen by a therapist, counsellor or others, whenever you want to or are ready to... Your talking about those feelings and healing them can continue just the same whenever you want to, so this operation does not change that. Just sending that reassuring message to those feelings down there, "Past LW".
 

Lonewolf

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I have thought about this comment about the LW in the past and the feelings from that and i think that yes, there is A nagging voice that i try to ignore because it tries to drag me back into the termoil and right now i need to be strong! I cant be thinking about all that stuff now!! I am trying to stay positive!! I cant afford to weaken now!! There are lots of tears inside me, but i cant allow them to affect me anymore!! Is it ok? Do i need to give in to it?
 

MHealthJo

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Hmm... I am not exactly sure what is best LW...

Do you find that after you take some time to cry, and hug yourself, and send compassion (and if possible kindness and unconditional love) to that part of you for a while, and tell it that you will hear it again soon when you can, do you find that your feelings settle a bit and you feel a little bit of relief after you do that for a little while?

(Especially if maybe at some times you can also get a little more settled feeling by using times of light physical activity - for some people it can be walks, or other people something like folding laundry, cleaning, washing dishes, etc. You may find that what works OK is doing a bit of the crying/expressing words/very strong feelings part, and then a little while of the light physical activity part...

Some people find that talking in therapy or different circumstances bring the feelings out, so they take a bit of time then to sit with the feelings and let the feelings happen... and obviously the feelings can be very 'big' and it would not be a good time for doing something else, right in the middle of that part. Then, the light physical activity part afterward helps thoughts to process, sometimes thinking and understanding new things happens, and the feelings flow forward a bit and settle a bit.)
 
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Lonewolf

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I have been seeing a counsellor now for about 6 months and I seem to have a somewhat delayed reaction to what has been discussed at times!! I could see them on the Monday and things wouldn't sink in properly until Thursday or Friday!! I don't know if this is something others might be doing too, but it is difficult to understand sometimes!! I try to have a good rest over the weekends so that I have the energy to cope with the next session!! I have undoubtedly improved, but I feel as if I have only scratched the surface of all my stuff!!
 

MHealthJo

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Yup. Definitely understand everything you just said there, and I am sure quite a few others here do too.

Sounds like you are doing excellent work LW.

It takes a lot of time doesn't it. You will gradually start one day to really feel quite proud of all the hard work you have done, and proud and happy about many things about yourself and within yourself. Really great work LW.... so many steps of really great work. Really proud of ya.
 

Lonewolf

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It probably sounds a little strange, but my anxiety and nervousness is not too bad today!! It was quite difficult to cope with in the last few days!! I feel a bit more settled!! I have my pre-op on Tuesday, but I'm not entirely sure if I really want to know exactly what will happen on the big day!! The less I know, the less I have to worry about!! I know the basic idea!! That's all the information I can comprehend at the moment! Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can keep myself calm? Do I need to know the depth of the operation really? Is it ok to just focus on the positive outcome of it? I know it may bring some negatives, I get that, I don't think it would be helpful to know the exact repoccussions? If there is any? Does anyone have a view on whether or not it is good to know all the positives and the negatives on this? I need to look forward to the new and exciting life I could have once this is over with!! Sorry, just needed to get that out!! Have no one to discuss this sort of thing with, so I'm afraid that I need to talk about it on here!! I hope that is ok?
 

MHealthJo

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For sure LW, no worries at all.

I think it is just one of those legal things, where they really just have a responsibility and obligation to make sure that you understand and acknowledge what's involved and what they are to do, before they go ahead and do it. One of those formality things.

I am sure this type of operation is emotional for many people and I am sure they are used to quite often seeing people get emotional about it, and they won't really think anything of it. If they ask if you are all right or if there is a problem or anything, you can just say "Oh, I'm okay. You know how these things can just be a bit emotional, that's all." I think they will think that is quite normal and fine.

Deep breathing is always good. In many situations I find breathing in and out counting silently to five in each inhale and each exhale can be helpful. Doing this in your hard moments can often help you to settle a bit. Doing something with your hands, for example a mindfulness colouring book (those things have become so popular with people!) can also be excellent.

Deep breathing in the waiting room will probably help you too. You may be able to continue a similar breathing rhythm without counting, once you are listening to the things you have to listen to and nodding or answering some questions, signing some forms perhaps.

Keep in mind that it is all very routine, and it is just a formality and a legality that they do a million times.

Glad that we can help you with this.
 

MHealthJo

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That image is perfect!

You know what, this is literally the Ultimate Thread for people with very high anxiety to see, to know that someone truly understands how they feel and they are not alone.

Which definitely definitely helps people - feeling understood and not alone - so thanks for expressing your feelings LW.... you are likely helping people out there by doing this..... as well as continuing to help your mind and body and feelings get used to the idea that feelings are allowed and OK and that there are lots of different things you can do with them...... and that they will pass, settle, drop down to manageable again, etc.

Hmm, I am inspired now... we should definitely add a Post An Image Of Your Feelings thread sometime.... that could really be good for lots of people I think!

Good work, and hugs...
 

Lonewolf

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I had the pre-op assessment today and it went as well as it could really!! I didn't appreciate how serious this operation is!! I didn't really want to know all the risks but as it was previously discussed here, they have to explain it as it's a legal obligation!! I am fit for the operation and I trust those who will perform it!! I have now come to the decision to just go with the flow!! I have worked so hard to get this done and now I'm literally a few days away from it coming to fruition!! Scared? Relieved? FB_IMG_1466537635541.jpg
 

MHealthJo

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You did great!!!

Yup, the thing is as well that they have to tell you all the worst case scenarios and everything. They have to tell you, 'this could happen or that could happen.' But most of the nasty sounding things like that are very unlikely. Yeah, it's just to cover themselves legally and stuff.

Really happy that you got through it so well and now you don't have to worry about something falling through. You did really well, glad we can support you through this big thing in your life LW :) :) :)

(That kitty is so cute too heheheheheh)
 

Lonewolf

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Appreciate you listening and for hearing me!! It's been very supportive!! Thankyou!
 

Lonewolf

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It feels kinda strange, but I am not nervous at all tonight!! Hungry and tired, but not nervous!! This will be my last post for about a week, but I will be back!! I will let you all know how it goes!! Thanks again x

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MHealthJo

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That is a happy and excited wolf there!

Take care of yourself and see you again later LW! 😊
 
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