More threads by Ashley-Kate

hey everyone ,
? Well my appointament has been reschedualed to this monday and there si no canceling.? i am not doing so good i have hada couple of relapses i have not seena nybody in like 5 weeks and they promissed to have a fallow-up every week they lied i have went form my bulimic behaviiors bakto anorexia and i am going crazy i rather be in anorexia but i know it is bad i? rejoyce of the scale when it tells me i lost but cry and depress when i gained i work out a biit t oo much and i am scared to death about my appointment no one understands that i am going crazy maybe this is me.. i am scared i look at my friends and if i think for a split second that on of them went down the stairs 1 time more than me at school i get jealous :x she burned more than me and i? tend to stop tak to her or try and stuff her with food remindin her that she has to eat while i falsly proclaim i already did i am mean i am obsessive i hate everyone that weighs less than me and i hate whoever tries to losse weight i am scared of myself i feel fat :cry:? when i eat and not just a bit a lot i feel like i probably gained 20 lbs? and it scares me i look at myself threwe the miror every night and see nothing but fat? ?:-oi am scared cause ebveryone says i am thin but all i can see is aft i am going insane and it scraes me what to do...
yours trully ashley :-(

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
I know this has been a frustrating time for you, Ashley, and I do think it's a crying shame you had to wait 5 weeks for follow-up, but try to focus less on how much you think you've fallen back and more on the fact that at least finally you ARE going to get some supportive follow-up. Look at it as an opportunity to take a step toward getting back on track.

It is definitely NOT an easy road you're on, Ashley. It took a lot of courage on your part to even start down that road when you did and it also takes a lot of courage some times to keep going.

Just try to remember this: There is only one thing that can prevent you from reaching your goals and that thing is giving up. All the rest is simply ups and downs. We all have those en route to any goal that's important.


I am so glad you finally have your appt. this Mon... it sounds like it's much needed. w/ any kind of treatment program it'd be advisable to do a follow up and provide you w/ resources around where you live for support- and it sounds like that hasn't been happening enough, so maybe try bringing that up in your appt. I know what you mean w/ 'hating' everyone that is thinner than you, eats less than you, exercises more... even if they are healthy, it just feels like a slap in the face, right? but what you have to remember is that the goal is to be healthy. there will always be people who will be smaller and then those who will be bigger, just like some people will be smarter and others won't be. it's like that w/ everything in life. We assume though that by being as thin as someone else, we'll be happy, but the reality of the matter is it's not that simple. When I'm struggling, do you know what feels the best? Not when I'm not eating even though I may think I'm happy b/c of that, and not when I'm eating normal amounts b/c that's just too much at once, but when I can sit down for a meal, enjoying my friends' company and just having a good time without focusing on food. You can sort of set yourself a limit so you will eat something but not too much so you won't be overwhelmed or tempted to purge, exercise, restrict etc. and just give yourself that one hour of freedom and peace from obessing about food. That's when I'm the most happy not when I'm on either side of the extreme. I don't know if that makes sense. I'm sorry you've been having a tough time w/ everything, hopefully after Mon you can get some much needed support and keep working towards getting better. let us know how it goes hun.
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