kelsischanging
Member
ok so after having over 7 months clean I blew it...friday night although on this very website I said that I was going to avoid a party because I knew I wasn't strong enough not to drink I got caught up in what my friends were doing and went to a party...ok so that would have been ok except I forgot one thing at home...my self control....I got there and within seconds of stepping in the door there was a drink in my hand, and every time I would give them an empty one to throw away a new drink was given to me...I basically got wasted out of my mind...I'm such a failure...I just wanted the obsessive thoughts of self injury to go away and I wanted to fit in...now all seven months are gone and I'm back to day 2...I haven't told my sponsor and I don't even want to think about that situation...I am so ashamed of what I did that I don't want to tell anyone (although I did tell my therapist this morning)...I feel lost right now and scared...no more parties for me...I went I tried I failed...I have let so many people down and I can't take that feeling...this only makes me want to self injure more...there's just so much going on inside of me that I have a constant huge knot in my stomach...ok well thanks for listening...you guys are the best...